The 10 Commandments (JST translation)

[Cnsl1]

1. Thou shalt have no other God's before me, except my God, thine grandfather God, and his God and so on, but not whilst thou toil in this mortal existence. For now, I am thy God and I am a jealous God, so watch thine ass.

2. Thou shalt not make into thee any graven images except temples, which are allowed and bring glory to those who attend.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain, nor shalt thou profane thine mouth with other banality. If thou art tempted to profane, thou shalt employ euphemisms such as fetch, dagnabbit, and gosh darn, which all pleaseth the Lord.

4. Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy, though thou mayest watch contests of sport after thou hast attended to mine sacraments, provided that participants of the sport have taken their holy garments within my temples or have attended higher halls of learning from my institutions.

5. Honor thine father and mother, unless they separate to find conjoinment with those of the same sex, in which case thou shalt disavow them with great prejudice.

6. Thou shalt not kill, unless a whole nation may dwindle in unbelief.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery, unless thou immediately take that women as a spiritual wife.

8. Thou shalt not steal but thou shalt make as much money as possible and give freely to mine house, for inasmuch as thou gain wealth for my sake shalt thine brothers and sisters understand your worthiness, and the wealth of mine house shall grow in abundance until that time when I cometh.

9. Thou shall not bear false witness, unless it is to bear testimony of me, for I will forgive thine lies and thine exaggerations if they be given with a pure heart for the purposes of building my kingdom.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's ass, but should thy covet thy neighbor's wife's ass, thou might call thy neighbor on a mission abroad.

[Just This Guy]

2. Thou shalt not make into thee any graven images except temples, which are allowed and bring glory to those who attend.

You missed a part of the translation on the 2nd. A better interpretation is:

2. Thou shalt not make into thee any graven images except temples, which are allowed and bring glory to those who attend. Also, graven images of mine servants are most desirable. Blessed be he whom maketh and have an image of mine current prophet. All others are lesser, but Jesus and Joseph Smith Jr are a lesser second.

[RubinHighlander]

2. Thou shalt not make into thee any graven images except temples, which are allowed and bring glory to those who attend.

You missed a part of the translation on the 2nd. A better interpretation is:

2. Thou shalt not make into thee any graven images except temples, which are allowed and bring glory to those who attend. Also, graven images of mine servants are most desirable. Blessed be he whom maketh and have an image of mine current prophet. All others are lesser, but Jesus and Joseph Smith Jr are a lesser second.

That's the one that caught my eye as well:
Except the gold Moroni statues on the top of the temples; not imported from Babylon, so they should be okay.
Except all the pictures, art work and statues (white European Jesus & large Arnold Schwartz style musclemen of the BOM) aggrandizing and supporting the correlated narrative and popularizing the dear humble corporate profits/leaders.

[alas]

I like the part about coveting thy neighbor’s ass. Only my current neighbors are all old men and none of them have very good asses, even in tight levies. But I am in a face book group that like to put up pictures of firemen holding puppies, so we can all enjoy the fireman’s puppy as well as his ass, chest, abbs. Seem the men lecturing the women on modesty forget that women are just as capable of lusting after those YM playing basketball, especially the skin’s team. But don’t tell them, as they might take the lovely view away. Let’s focus on men coveting their neighbor’s wife’s ass, not the wife coveting her neighbor’s ass.

[wtfluff]

6. Thou shalt not kill, unless a whole nation may dwindle in unbelief.

And... The story ends with the White and Delightsome™ folks "dwindling." Go figure. (Sorry - Spoiler Alert)

9. Thou shall not bear false witness, unless it is to bear testimony of me, for I will forgive thine lies and thine exaggerations if they be given with a pure heart for the purposes of building my kingdom.

* Carefully Worded Denials™

[Mayan_Elephant]

I like the part about coveting thy neighbor’s ass. Only my current neighbors are all old men and none of them have very good asses, even in tight levies. But I am in a face book group that like to put up pictures of firemen holding puppies, so we can all enjoy the fireman’s puppy as well as his ass, chest, abbs. Seem the men lecturing the women on modesty forget that women are just as capable of lusting after those YM playing basketball, especially the skin’s team. But don’t tell them, as they might take the lovely view away. Let’s focus on men coveting their neighbor’s wife’s ass, not the wife coveting her neighbor’s ass.

So what I really hear you saying is, "not a broad."