What words of comfort and wisdom will we receive...

[deacon blues]

What words of comfort, wisdom, and cheer will be given in these uncertain times at the upcoming general conference? And will the general, I mean president Nelson speak? odds?

[moksha]

I heard someone mention a few weeks back that President Nelson's condition has been deteriorating and that Dallin Oaks will be presiding at the General Conference.

[Just This Guy]

What words of comfort, wisdom, and cheer will be given in these uncertain times at the upcoming general conference? And will the general, I mean president Nelson speak? odds?

Shut up and do as I tell you! If you are not happy doing that, it's your fault.

I think that will summarize the whole conference. I just saved you 10 hours of your life.

[nibbler]

What words of comfort, wisdom, and cheer will be given in these uncertain times at the upcoming general conference? And will the general, I mean president Nelson speak? odds?

There's lots I could say but won't. It'll get me in trouble. My hopes for general conference are in the cellar.

I'll be looking for specific things that a true prophet of god would say in times like these but I know better. Church leaders only know to pick fights with and bully the people that aren't in the room, they don't know how to call the people that are in the room with them to repentance.

If they do skirt addressing the real issues it will be in a way that's so sanitized, guarded, and neutral that it will render the message completely toothless. The members that are the worst offenders will hear the message and rather than see it as a call to repent they'll repurpose the message as yet another weapon to use against the out groups.

I saw this with Nelson's peacemakers talk. It was so non-specific that the worst offenders I knew walked away with, "yeah, you need to be a peacemaker by taking the abuse I dish out in silence."

There's a lot of pot meet kettle in my post, so I'll shut up.

[wtfluff]

What is "general conference" ?

[Red Ryder]

What words of comfort, wisdom, and cheer will be given in these uncertain times at the upcoming general conference? And will the general, I mean president Nelson speak? odds?

Shut up and do as I tell you! If you are not happy doing that, it's your fault.

I think that will summarize the whole conference. I just saved you 10 hours of your life.

This reminds me of the conference talk “Speaking in the name of” by Elder R. Age Against and Elder The Machine.

Speaking in the Name Of...

**[Intro]**
Speaking in the name of!
Speaking in the name of!

**[Verse 1]**
Some of those who doubt us, try to keep us silent,
But we rise with love, yeah, we move with kindness!
Truth is our sword, faith is our fight,
Shining His light, standing up for what’s right!

**[Chorus]**
I will go where You send, Lord!
I will go where You send, Lord!
Speaking in the name of!
Speaking in the name of!

**[Verse 2]**
Baptized in His grace!
Covenants made, now we stand in this place!
Walk the path, rise again!
Through His mercy, we are changed from within!

**[Pre-Chorus]** *(slow build-up)*
Some of those who doubt us, try to bring us down,
But we stand firm, we stand our ground!
No fear, no chains, no turning away,
Through Him we rise, we walk in His way!

**[Breakdown]** *(music builds, tension rises...)*
Born to share the truth I know!
Born to rise, to let love show!
Born to serve, so I will go!

**[Final Chorus]** *(big finish, heavy riffing)*
Fetchin' in the name of!
Fetchin’ in the name of!
Fetchin’ in the name of!
FETCHIN' IN THE NAME OF!

**[Outro – (Shouted)**]
Fetch! I’ll do what they tell me!
Fetch! I’ll do what they tell me!
Fetch! I’ll do what they tell me!
Fetch! I’ll do what they tell me!
FETCH I’LL DO WHAT THEY TELL ME!

[2bizE]

I can safely guess in a few topics that will be shared:
1) The church is growing leaps and bounds. Our biggest problem is creating thousands of wards and stakes every single day mas o menos.
2) Hardly anyone is leaving the church.
3) All of our financials are fantastic and our auditors have found no problems at all over the past 20 years.
4) Stay in the boat
5) If you are not faithful to the temple covenants you will not be with your family after death and you will live in a place of eternal torment
6) If you are Trans, gay or other LGBTQ you are welcome in the church as long as you don’t show up looking like you do and feeling like you do and having any affection toward the same gender.
7) Youth know that you are the chosen generation
8) There is no other church organization in the world that treats women as well as the LDS church

[Linked]

**[Final Chorus]** *(big finish, heavy riffing)*
Fetchin' in the name of!
Fetchin’ in the name of!
Fetchin’ in the name of!
FETCHIN' IN THE NAME OF!

**[Outro – (Shouted)**]
Fetch! I’ll do what they tell me!
Fetch! I’ll do what they tell me!
Fetch! I’ll do what they tell me!
Fetch! I’ll do what they tell me!
FETCH I’LL DO WHAT THEY TELL ME!

Hahahaha, you can hear the music while reading it!

I can safely guess in a few topics that will be shared:
1) The church is growing leaps and bounds. Our biggest problem is creating thousands of wards and stakes every single day mas o menos.
2) Hardly anyone is leaving the church.
3) All of our financials are fantastic and our auditors have found no problems at all over the past 20 years.
4) Stay in the boat
5) If you are not faithful to the temple covenants you will not be with your family after death and you will live in a place of eternal torment
6) If you are Trans, gay or other LGBTQ you are welcome in the church as long as you don’t show up looking like you do and feeling like you do and having any affection toward the same gender.
7) Youth know that you are the chosen generation
8) There is no other church organization in the world that treats women as well as the LDS church

Great list, so much to look forward too. I think that #2 will also have a little "See all these people coming back to church!?" in there. And one talk will be a backhanded compliment to a poor country, telling stories about how great they are BUT also how the old white guy fixed them.

[moksha]

Receive thee thy blessing of Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!

"Enish-go-on-Dosh to thee!"

[MoPag]

Same shit, different session.

NOMference is gonna be awesome though!!!!!!!!

[moksha]

Physiological effects of religion: Hindu Yogis and Mormon Elders can slow their breathing and make their brains stop.

[stuck]

I think my wife is a bit more open to criticism of the church now, even though she is still tbm. I just need to tune into nomference to see right