NOM

So sorry to hear this took a turn. Was hoping for a better outcome for you both. Thinking of you!

achilles wrote: ↑Mon Jun 26, 2017 12:44 pm .... I think she will die this week. The stress on her organ systems--liver, kidneys, heart--may be too great for her to overcome. If the organs begin failing, it's over. If she does recover, she will be facing difficult physical and respiratory therapy, which she won't want to comply with. She has been in a lot of pain for many years, I think she's tired and may be ready to pass into the eternities.

I'm sorry to hear this. I remained optimistic for her and hoped to hear better news. {{{achilles}}}

((Hugs))

And here are some puppy hugs. I can't even imagine what you are going through. I'll pray to Goddess for you, your sweet mother and the rest of your family.

MoPag wrote: ↑Tue Jun 27, 2017 11:49 am ((Hugs))

And here are some puppy hugs.
puppyhugs.png

I can't even imagine what you are going through. I'll pray to Goddess for you, your sweet mother and the rest of your family.

Here are my babies:

achilles wrote: ↑Tue Jun 27, 2017 4:35 pm

MoPag wrote: ↑Tue Jun 27, 2017 11:49 am ((Hugs))

And here are some puppy hugs.
puppyhugs.png

I can't even imagine what you are going through. I'll pray to Goddess for you, your sweet mother and the rest of your family.

Here are my babies:Lulu and Pumpkin.jpg

OH!!!! They are so cute!!!! We had beagles growing up. I always wanted a basset hound though.

So I guess mom is doing better. They're keeping her under while she has the breathing tube in. There is still another day or so before we get complete microbiology results. She is, however, having a hard time with low blood pressure, and the doctors are worried about her kidneys. (I guess there is a whole team of doctors working on it). She is moving a lot of fluids out, which is good. My dad is cautiously optimistic. I am going down to SLC to see her for the first time with all the tubes. I don't know if I can handle it.

You got this.

Sending good thoughts your way.

So I saw her today. She didn't look as bad as I thought she would, but it's bad enough. I guess she had a bad night last night, and they had to install a jugular catheter to administer fluids and medication. She can't maintain a high enough blood pressure on her own, and her kidneys are functioning poorly. They asked my dad for permission to start dialysis if necessary. They still don't have microbiology results back, but she is on the most powerful combo of antibiotics possible.

I went to lunch with my dad, and we talked about losing her. He is beginning to accept it more and more, but he has terrible anxiety, and finally asked for counselling, so I'm proud of him. We're agreed that we don't want to keep her around just for our benefit--if her quality of life will be too poor, we should let her go. She has been living with terrible rheumatoid arthritis pain for years now, and if she wants to head into the sunset, I will be ok. She was under complete sedation, but I told her that I am glad she is my mom.

((hugs)) achilles. Thanks for the updates.

Take care, Achilles.

Mom is very slowly improving. She is now on only one of two blood pressure meds, and on a low dose she is able to maintain decent blood pressure. She is also requiring less oxygen (from 70% down to 50%) and is breathing more slowly with a lower heart rate. I think they're going to try to push the dialysis to get more fluids out of her body, and maybe begin draining her lungs. She is no longer completely sedated, but is only responding to pain signals.

I had a very frank conversation with my father about his future. He is actually doing much better than I thought he would. We still might lose her. The waiting is difficult, but bodies sometimes heal slowly but surely.

That's good to hear! I hope she continues to improve. Keep us posted.

I just said a prayer for the first time in years. Am I crazy?

achilles wrote: ↑Sat Jul 01, 2017 1:45 pm I just said a prayer for the first time in years. Am I crazy?

No. A loving God would listen. Do what's good for you.

achilles wrote: ↑Sat Jul 01, 2017 1:45 pm I just said a prayer for the first time in years. Am I crazy?

Grief and worry affect people in strange ways. I'd say it just makes you human. Keeping you and your mom in mind, my friend.

July 4 Update:

We chatted with the head of MICU at U of U yesterday, and went over the status of each of her body systems. Kidneys--struggling. Still on dialysis. Blood pressure--stabilized. Heart--strong. Liver--also struggling. Lungs--backing off on the ventilator, 50% O2, little or no "crackling", so clearing up. She is still septic and in shock. Feeding tube--still in. Brain--well, that's where we spent most of our discussion.

She was still pretty out of it, which concerned the doctors. She was only responding to pain signals, with no eye opening/movement or speech. They did an EEG and an MRI, which the head neurologists examined and found no major reason for concern. He was concerned there might be a central nervous system infection, but he didn't want to take a spinal tap until he gave her a couple of days to improve or not. I guess the procedure could be a shock to her system. Platelets are very low--which could be a number of things, including methotrexate.

My parents have a will, trust, and advanced medical directive (thank heavens). My dad explained to them that she would not want to live with dialysis, won't go back to a skilled nursing center, and does not want to be a burden. He wouldn't ask the question, so I did: "What would her death here look like?" They explained that they would do all they can, and if we decide to quit she will be made very comfortable and the family could stay to say goodbye. Unless there is a sudden cardiac emergency (or something like that) which was out of their control. I felt much better about things.

She has made some good progress since then. She is responding to some verbal commands, and has opened her eyes many times. They are weaning her off the ventilator, and want to experiment with weaning off of dialysis.

Well, I know that's a lot of detail (sorry), but I feel like this is the only place I can tell someone about it. I'm taking care of the property (which means constant watering!). The basset hounds have been my salvation.

My parents are true believers, although they don't go to church or tithe. Their beliefs have been a great comfort to them, and I am encouraging it. I am finding that with my mom so close to death (at 61!), I hope more and more for an afterlife filled with the people and animals whom I have loved, and love me. I guess I am a hopeful agnostic.

love to you.

achilles wrote: ↑Wed Jun 28, 2017 3:45 pm I went to lunch with my dad, and we talked about losing her. He is beginning to accept it more and more, but he has terrible anxiety, and finally asked for counselling, so I'm proud of him. We're agreed that we don't want to keep her around just for our benefit--if her quality of life will be too poor, we should let her go. She has been living with terrible rheumatoid arthritis pain for years now, and if she wants to head into the sunset, I will be ok. She was under complete sedation, but I told her that I am glad she is my mom.

As difficult as this time is on your Mom, it's just as tough on the ones left behind. It's great your Dad is going to go through counselling at this time. And praying is never a bad thing, even if you don't really believe. It's good to bounce ideas off an unseen/unknowing being from time to time; still a believer in God, just not the God of Mormondom.

Good luck to you!

I’m so sorry about this. I’ve never lost anyone close to me and I can’t imagine how difficult this is. I think it is perfectly natural and right to pray at such a time and to have hope for time again with the people and pets we love. I’m sending love your way.