Don't think I can go back to church after today

[AllieOop]

As I said I left church sick to my stomach. Sad because I don’t think I can go back and Sad for the friends I will lose. Today I am full of frustration, anger and heartache because of the LDS church.

Wow, I can totally relate to feeling this way. It's been 7 years for me since I attended SS or RS, but I remember the feeling the last time I walked away knowing I just couldn't sit through another discussion like the ones I'd just endured. My husband and I lasted another few months of going to SM only but finally had to completely walk away. We would come home in the worst moods and so angry (we always joke that we wanted to rip each other's faces off by the time we got home....taking out the frustration on each other!! ). Now we love our Sundays and go places where people are actually happy.

And...Welcome to the board! We already love your husband being here and can't wait to get to know you better!!



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[MoPag]

Yay!!!! Misbehaved (Mrs. Kori) has joined us!!!!

Welcome to our NOM ward family.

It's so crazy once the blinders come off and you see the church for the monstrous hypocrisy it really is. And it is so frustrating watching all the TBMs eating the sh*t the church shovels down their throats. We all get it. We are here for when you need to vent and we would love to hear your insights into our various NOM problems.

Also, way to go on voting opposed! You guys are amazing!

[Misbehaved Woman]

Misbehaved Woman, we are glad to have you here.

Thank you! I think this might turn into a good out for some frustration and a good place for support in this crazy transition struggle.

[Misbehaved Woman]

Welcome to NOM! I am glad you joined us.

Thank you! Glad to be here.

[Misbehaved Woman]

Thank you for all the welcoming comments! I think this will turn out to be a good outlet for me. Korihor might regret inviting me because now you'll get to hear my side of the story. As a follow up, my dishes are done, the kitchen is clean and the living room got picked up. Maybe I'll have to bargain for the toilets another day so I can write my fall story.

[Misbehaved Woman]

The only drawback for people like me, and many others on this board, is the searing jealousy that many of us feel that both you and Korihor are making this journey together. There is nothing else I covet in life, than for the rest of the Mormorrisey clan to join me in seeing the church for what it really is. So enjoy these moments together.

Mormorrisey,
You and others commented of your "jealousy" that Kori and I are transitioning together. I want to address this by first expressing my deepest sympathies to any on this board that are transitioning alone and have a spouse that is unsupportive. I can only imagine the pain, frustration and loneliness that causes. I hope that everyone here can find peace with their loved ones especially spouses and I wish you all good luck with the struggle. As for Kori and I we didn't quite go through the fall together in fact it has been a very rough road, probably the hardest 2yrs (no pun intended) of my life. We still struggled and do struggle but it seems our paths are starting to align again and it is just now that I feel we are starting to transition together. I'd like to address this topic further in another post at another time but I would just say be patient with your spouses and give them the respect and understanding you want for yourselves.

[Misbehaved Woman]

We would come home in the worst moods and so angry (we always joke that we wanted to rip each other's faces off by the time we got home....taking out the frustration on each other!! ). Now we love our Sundays and go places where people are actually happy.

And...Welcome to the board! We already love your husband being here and can't wait to get to know you better!!
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Alli0op,

Thank you for the welcome! This has been our Sunday for the last few yrs. we went from fighting to frustration to not talking back to taking it out on each other. I think this will be a great move for our marriage and the peace at our home on Sundays. We have been trying so hard to make it work but the contention and unrest it has caused us individually and in our home is just no longer worth it. I am anxious to see what Sundays can be with NO thought of "I should be at church" that might take a few weeks to get to that point but I imagine it will be nice.

[AllieOop]

Alli0op,

Thank you for the welcome! This has been our Sunday for the last few yrs. we went from fighting to frustration to not talking back to taking it out on each other. I think this will be a great move for our marriage and the peace at our home on Sundays. We have been trying so hard to make it work but the contention and unrest it has caused us individually and in our home is just no longer worth it. I am anxious to see what Sundays can be with NO thought of "I should be at church" that might take a few weeks to get to that point but I imagine it will be nice.

Well, I'm very happy for you both! It's so great to be on the same page. You're not only going to love your Sundays, you're going to love your Saturdays more too. It's amazing the stress that was gone for us once we just decided to stay home from church. It is such a difficult decision and was a very emotional one for me because we had so much invested in the church. But it was one that I've never regretted.

Please keep posting and let us know how things go. There are so many here who have already gone through this or are in stages of going through it that are here to support you.

[Red Ryder]

Welcome!

[achilles]

I'm sorry that church made you feel sick inside. I remember my initial feelings of loss. It really is like someone dying. Mourning it's death is probably normal.

Welcome. One of the great things about NOM is you really can say what's on your mind and not be shamed or judged. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

[LostMormon]

Thank you for all the welcoming comments! I think this will turn out to be a good outlet for me. Korihor might regret inviting me because now you'll get to hear my side of the story. As a follow up, my dishes are done, the kitchen is clean and the living room got picked up. Maybe I'll have to bargain for the toilets another day so I can write my fall story.

keep him on the hook, you can get him to do the entire house by the time your done with your winter, and spring stories

[MalcolmVillager]

Welcome Mrs Kish, er Mrs Kori, er MrsBeHaven. Your DH is a star here. Glad you could join us. I think this means the 2 of you will be moving on soon. Only us mixed folks end up needing the sympathy long term.

Stay as long as you can though!

[2bizE]

Welcome to NOM Mrs. Korihor. We have been patiently expecting you for some time.

[TheRunningmom]

Misbehaved, I can so relate to what you went through this week. While I started questioning long before my DH did, he was ready to quit before I was. I desperately wanted to hang on, afraid of losing relationships and alienating family. But I too got to the point that I just. couldn't. do it anymore. One of the last weeks I went sharing time was about temple weddings. They had a recent bride come in her gorgeous gown, told all the girls to look at how beautiful she is in her wedding dress and won't it be exciting when they can marry in the temple too? Leaving out, of course, that the dress she was wearing was not temple approved and what they would actually have to wear. It's not like I hadn't heard the lesson before, but this time was too much. I sat and seethed in the back. I kept wondering if they could hear themselves and see what they were doing.

While you are taking some time away, don't be surprised if it takes a while to decompress. There's a lot to unravel and work through. Welcome, I'm glad you are here!

[Shawn]

It totally sucks going through this phase. It really is “heart crushing.” I’m glad you have the support of Korihor at this time. My wife mocked and denigraded me for my unbelief and we are beginning the divorce process. Here are some things I noticed from your post:

-church was so rough today
-I have a different outlook now and no longer agree with a lot of what is taught.
-I could not in good conscience go back and listen to that anymore
-SS left me boiling with anger and full of sorrow.
-As the tactics of Satan were discussed I couldn’t help but see how the church is using all of these tactics.
-I immediately felt I was in a cult, I had been lied to, I was wrong about so much.

It appears that you are no longer going to be Mormon. I have some suggestions. Just rip the band-aid off! Don’t drag it out and try to make church attendance work for you. It's obviously crappy there. Those in your ward who are worth having as a friend will still be your friend. I can guarantee there are others in your ward like you. Try to find them. There will still be pain, but do what you can to celebrate your newfound freedom!

[Misbehaved Woman]

Misbehaved, I can so relate to what you went through this week. While I started questioning long before my DH did, he was ready to quit before I was. I desperately wanted to hang on, afraid of losing relationships and alienating family. But I too got to the point that I just. couldn't. do it anymore. One of the last weeks I went sharing time was about temple weddings. They had a recent bride come in her gorgeous gown, told all the girls to look at how beautiful she is in her wedding dress and won't it be exciting when they can marry in the temple too? Leaving out, of course, that the dress she was wearing was not temple approved and what they would actually have to wear. It's not like I hadn't heard the lesson before, but this time was too much. I sat and seethed in the back. I kept wondering if they could hear themselves and see what they were doing.

While you are taking some time away, don't be surprised if it takes a while to decompress. There's a lot to unravel and work through. Welcome, I'm glad you are here!

Thanks Runningmom for the welcome! It's true, everything I heard on Sunday was nothing new to me but just hearing it now with a different perspective you feel like your eyes are now open and it all seems so wrong.

Thanks also for the advice. I feel the decompressing and unraveling is going to be emotional as if it hasn't already been. Right?

[Misbehaved Woman]

It appears that you are no longer going to be Mormon. I have some suggestions. Just rip the band-aid off! Don’t drag it out and try to make church attendance work for you. It's obviously crappy there. Those in your ward who are worth having as a friend will still be your friend. I can guarantee there are others in your ward like you. Try to find them. There will still be pain, but do what you can to celebrate your newfound freedom!

Thanks for your thoughts Shawn. I fear I have been ripping the bandaid pretty slowly and probably torturing (Korihor) more than myself but I have decided I can't at least for now attend church anymore so here's to trying to see what this new found freedom feels like and if I like it our feel guilty?

[lostintime]

I've gotten myself on a schedule of skipping sunday school pretty regularly for this reason. I teach in the YM, and can pick and choose lessons there that I can stomach, but sunday school is just too much for me. I've had to just walk out a few times when I just couldn't stand it any more.

[Shawn]

Hold on a gosh dang minute. Are you really saying you might feel guilty?

We're talking about skipping out on an organization that teaches people to pay them before buying food for children and refuses to disclose how they use the money.

Sunday School left you "boiling with anger and full of sorrow." How was it when you felt that you "had been lied to"? You also wrote, "As the tactics of Satan were discussed I couldn’t help but see how the church is using all of these tactics."

Who or what would want you to feel guilty? Don't waste another second of your life feeling guilty over this stuff! Think about the things you can do on Sundays that will bring your family together.

[Misbehaved Woman]

Hold on a gosh dang minute. Are you really saying you might feel guilty?

We're talking about skipping out on an organization that teaches people to pay them before buying food for children and refuses to disclose how they use the money.

Sunday School left you "boiling with anger and full of sorrow." How was it when you felt that you "had been lied to"? You also wrote, "As the tactics of Satan were discussed I couldn’t help but see how the church is using all of these tactics."

Who or what would want you to feel guilty? Don't waste another second of your life feeling guilty over this stuff! Think about the things you can do on Sundays that will bring your family together.

I guess it's just that indoctrination that is so deep within me. I've always been a stickler for attending church even as a child. So yes, not going leaves me feeling guilty. Like I am not serving or worshiping God. I do still believe in God and I have always felt the need to worship so yes part of me feels guilty I am not doing that on Sunday. It will be a struggle I think to get past that mindset that I have had my entire life and learn to enjoy Sundays. I know it seems so easy to leave something that you completely disagree with but it's just not that easy when it's embedded in you so deep. Sorry if I sound like a hypocrite. This transition leaves me feeling like a hypocrite about many things. I still feel as though I am in a whirl wind of confusion.