NOM

My poor DW has had the worst series of lessons this month. This week was spectacular.

the lesson was on creation (direct quotes):
"I am not going to teach the basics of creation. I want to focus on what is usually not spoken of but is essential to salvation..."

"The things that science discovers we already know. Of course there are aliens..."

"Did you know that Kolob's orbit is larger than ours? That is why when babies are born they wake in the middle of the night. We have to get them used to being on our time."

So glad these essential truths are taught. My DW's logical brain is hurting, perhaps we can think about taking more permanent time off....one can hope.

Raylan Givens wrote: ↑Mon May 08, 2017 2:10 pm"Did you know that Kolob's orbit is larger than ours? That is why when babies are born they wake in the middle of the night. We have to get them used to being on our time."

WTF
Wow, that is some pure inbred crazy shiz right there. Please pass along my approval to the RSP.

Raylan Givens wrote: ↑Mon May 08, 2017 2:10 pm
"Did you know that Kolob's orbit is larger than ours? That is why when babies are born they wake in the middle of the night. We have to get them used to being on our time."

Yeah, the orbit might be larger but the rotation might be much faster.....kind of like how my head is spinning right now....

Wait, your DW uses logic?!?

Not fair, I say, not fair!!

Raylan Givens wrote: ↑Mon May 08, 2017 2:10 pm My poor DW has had the worst series of lessons this month. This week was spectacular.

the lesson was on creation (direct quotes):
"I am not going to teach the basics of creation. I want to focus on what is usually not spoken of but is essential to salvation..."

"The things that science discovers we already know. Of course there are aliens..."

"Did you know that Kolob's orbit is larger than ours? That is why when babies are born they wake in the middle of the night. We have to get them used to being on our time."

So glad these essential truths are taught. My DW's logical brain is hurting, perhaps we can think about taking more permanent time off....one can hope.

If a woman believes this, she'll buy into polygamy.

Wow! Just wow!

Wow. I can honestly say I haven't heard that kind of crazy at church. Almost wish I had.

That is sooooo funny!

And then you think about it for a little longer and it's just awkward/sad.

But let's unpack this for a minute with our TBM hats on. Did we have bodies in the pre-mortal life that required sleep? I don't think so. The whole point of coming here was to gain a physical body. Also what is Kolob rotating around? Isn't it supposed to be the center of everything with a glory like that of the sun? So to have a rotational day/night cycle it would have to rotate and revolve around something else which would make it not the center of the universe. Also wouldn't they get used to earth time in the 9 months they spend in-utero? And holy sh*t the real reason babies wake up is because they are hungry. I hope the lady teaching this insanity didn't just let her baby starve every night. "he just needs to get used to earth time." So even for a TBM this is f-ed up.

I can't add anything to enhance this but I just want to express my joy about it.

Of course I do worry your kids are being exposed to antiscientific nonsense but that's my concern for all of the US these days.

Raylan Givens wrote: ↑Mon May 08, 2017 2:10 pm My poor DW has had the worst series of lessons this month. This week was spectacular.

the lesson was on creation (direct quotes):
"I am not going to teach the basics of creation. I want to focus on what is usually not spoken of but is essential to salvation..."

"The things that science discovers we already know. Of course there are aliens..."

"Did you know that Kolob's orbit is larger than ours? That is why when babies are born they wake in the middle of the night. We have to get them used to being on our time."

So glad these essential truths are taught. My DW's logical brain is hurting, perhaps we can think about taking more permanent time off....one can hope.

Thank you for sharing! I've heard some crazy stuff at church but in my experience it usually bubbles up in SM. I hope they keep the lessons coming and you keep us in the loop!

This isn't the only crazy I hear.

In SS a few weeks ago, there was a pretty fervent discussion about telling the difference between Satan's angels and real Messengers.

You know, put out your hand to shake it. You'll feel nothing (Satan of course, no body).

" A real Messengers would not allow you to touch him, he would just give you a sign." -quoting one of the 100 octigenarians in my ward

My DW and I just look at each other in disbelief and go back to texting each other like 13 year olds

Ok I was feeling quite low but the babies comment made me laugh, so thanks for that.

LostGirl wrote: ↑Tue May 09, 2017 12:27 am Ok I was feeling quite low but the babies comment made me laugh, so thanks for that.

Yeah, me too! I guess babies born in the eastern hemisphere don't wake up in the middle of the night...

fh451

Raylan Givens wrote: ↑Mon May 08, 2017 2:10 pm "Did you know that Kolob's orbit is larger than ours? That is why when babies are born they wake in the middle of the night. We have to get them used to being on our time."

I know it would be silly to try to point out the difference between "orbit" and "revolution" of planets to this woman. Heaven forbid she discovers gravitational time dilation and tries inserting general relativity into her doctrine for further reasons why babies wake up in the middle of the night.

Reminds me of that ridiculous article in LDSliving:

http://www.ldsliving.com/3-Fascinating- ... ob/s/82249

Now there some Fd up science for your TBM enjoyment!

I haven't been to church in almost two years, but if my RS class was like that, I would consider returning, just for the entertainment value.

RubinHighlander wrote: ↑Tue May 09, 2017 10:23 am Reminds me of that ridiculous article in LDSliving:

http://www.ldsliving.com/3-Fascinating- ... ob/s/82249

Now there some Fd up science for your TBM enjoyment!

Well. That was embarrassing. Sometimes I hate it when people know I'm Mormon...because of stuff like this.

Raylan Givens wrote: ↑Mon May 08, 2017 2:10 pm "Did you know that Kolob's orbit is larger than ours? That is why when babies are born they wake in the middle of the night. We have to get them used to being on our time."

If this conversation happens again you could assist the Relief Society teachers by mentioning the variation in gravitational pull, the effect of only having one moon, and Earth's ozone layer blocking much of the ionizing Kae-e-vanrash (as mentioned in the Book of Abraham).

NOMinally Mormon wrote: ↑Sat May 13, 2017 7:03 pm I haven't been to church in almost two years, but if my RS class was like that, I would consider returning, just for the entertainment value.

My RS is super depressing. Probably because nearly everyone in there is depressed. Lots of doom, gloom, and "I hope I can be good enough to have happiness in the next life after I finish suffering through this one.