NOM

Driving in the car with my mother recently and she asked about my church attendance. my 10yo DD was in the back seat. I told her that I have not been attending and I still cannot reconcile my standards to that of the church. My mom started to shush me- because she didn't want my DD to overhear the conversation. I told her I am very upfront to my children that I do not believe in the church but that my DH does. I told her I have told my children that they can decide for themselves what they believe. My mother was SHOCKED. She expected me to keep quiet and to maintain a fake facade with my children. It was comical to me, but also so indicative of her era: "fake it til you make it". She could not believe I wasn't just going along with it all and staying quiet like a good Mormon wife. I kept it matter-of fact with her but truly enjoyed the conversation. It was just so mind-blowing to her that I would tell my children how I really feel.

2nd part of the conversation-
Near the end, my mother had to get in the last word. She is sincere, so I let her. She bore her testimony to me- and said she knows I still have a testimony of the church even though I wont admit it. Her proof? When we attended church a few weeks ago we sang the song "Testimony". Mind you, I am a well trained 2nd soprano and love to sing any chance I get. So I admit, I belted out the songs I liked when we were at church and that was one of them. She said there is no way I could sing that song the way I did and still not have a testimony of the gospel...Like I said, I let her have the last word. But that was 100% showboating on my part, not spirituality... oh well...

Doesn't it feel great to express your opinions openly? My parents were always hush hush about any kind of family drama, problems, and even sex education. It's no wonder I don't want to talk to them about faith transitions. My wife's family is the exact opposite. They discuss everyone and everything in the open albeit in a highly judgmental way if the course of Mormonism isn't being followed.

Glad to know participation and singing is a sign of real testimony. I don't even sing in the shower which confirms my testimony went down the drain years ago.

What does your husband think about sharing your true thoughts in front of the children? Does he support you and if so has it always been that way? Or did you have to work towards that level of authenticity?

Red Ryder wrote: ↑Tue May 30, 2017 2:11 pm What does your husband think about sharing your true thoughts in front of the children? Does he support you and if so has it always been that way? Or did you have to work towards that level of authenticity?

DH and I are polar opposites. He is Republican, I am Democrat. I am Beatles, he is Elvis...
So he is used to it. But as far as faith transition...it is a work in progress. However, it plays to my favor that his dad is a nevermo- so he grew up seeing both sides of the spectrum.

I still credit NOM for the 2 best pieces of advice I took back when everything fell around me- #1 take is SLOW, and #2- Reassure my DH of my love and dedication to him and our marriage.