NOM

A friend of our family recently passed unexpectedly today.

A close friend/peer wrote this about her on Facebook.

What a shock today to go to Church and find out that a wonderful lady, [sue ellen], passed away unexpectedly in her sleep last night. She was my wife's counselor in the Relief Society presidency and wife of one of our former bishops and stake presidency counselors. Several people mentioned that they had seen and talked to her yesterday at a bridal shower, [event], and the grocery store. No telltale signs of illness. Our hearts ache for [mr sue Ellen] and their children and grandchildren. If anyone was ready to meet her Lord, it was [sue ellen]. We never know whose time is up and when that will happen. Thank heavens, there is a Savior and an Afterlife. Without that reassurance this life would be so purposeless, meaningless, and empty.

Without that reassurance this life would be so purposeless, meaningless, and empty.

I hear a lot of members say stuff like this. In my place of doubt I am learning that this is not true, at least not for me. When I live for the present and not for the eternities I find meaning in the small joys of life.

LostGirl wrote: ↑Mon Jun 19, 2017 2:56 am

Without that reassurance this life would be so purposeless, meaningless, and empty.

I hear a lot of members say stuff like this. In my place of doubt I am learning that this is not true, at least not for me. When I live for the present and not for the eternities I find meaning in the small joys of life.

Exactly.

When one gives up the baseless promises of grand and wonderful rewards when they're dead... THIS life actually becomes much more purposeful, and meaningful, and honestly, much more full of wonder.


How will I be remembered? I've become a bit of a nihilist when it comes to these types of questions: I'll be dead. I won't really care how I'm remembered because, well, I'm dead.

The part that got under my skin is what she was known for

She was my wife's counselor in the Relief Society presidency and wife of one of our former bishops and stake presidency counselors.

She was counselor to YOUR wife and she was the wife of a BPC/SPC. That is her lifetime acheivement - to be someone else's support staff. To add to the crazy sauce, he was not a BP or SP - just a counselor in both.

This is just rubbing me wrong. We were talking about it on the phone last night and someone said "I guess the lord needed her more" Mrs Misbhaved shut that statement down quick. So effing stupid for a culture to create this mentality.

LostGirl wrote: ↑Mon Jun 19, 2017 2:56 am

Without that reassurance this life would be so purposeless, meaningless, and empty.

I hear a lot of members say stuff like this. In my place of doubt I am learning that this is not true, at least not for me. When I live for the present and not for the eternities I find meaning in the small joys of life.

I was afraid that this might be the case, and I think it even contributed to my brush with suicide several years ago. But it's just not true. I think we as people would often rather have prepackaged belief systems, complete with meaning, than to have to construct it for ourselves. But you know what? I think it's much more satisfying in the end to choose what we believe and what we will live for.

So I'm not usually one for video game references, but here I go. In Final Fantasy X, your party is on a quest to destroy a continuously reborn monster, only to get to the end and find out the whole quest was based on a belief system that was a complete sham. The hero of the story, a young woman named Yuna, has this piece of wisdom:

I will live with my sorrow, I will live my own life! I will defeat sorrow, in his place. I will stand my ground and be strong. I don’t know when it will be but someday, I will conquer it. And I will do it without…false hope.

Korihor wrote: ↑Mon Jun 19, 2017 9:03 am This is just rubbing me wrong. We were talking about it on the phone last night and someone said "I guess the lord needed her more" Mrs Misbhaved shut that statement down quick. So effing stupid for a culture to create this mentality.

My father died over 10 years ago. Never before or since have comments meant to give comfort inspired such an impulse in me to punch so many well-intentioned people in the face. Mormons can be good at rallying support in practical ways but in my experience they are terrible at mourning with those that mourn. I admit I may be unfair in this opinion but I know I too used to be really bad at it.

Korihor please accept my condolences for the loss of your good family friend. I agree, Mormons take the prize for tactlessness when it comes to comments made when a person dies. As my sons held his dead baby daughter in is arms at the hospital, a well meaning family member said, "She has fulfilled her mission by just being here and now God has a better plan for her." Then my TBM husband said, "This is just another step in life." Not only could I not wrap my head around the enormity of what was happening but I just wanted to punch them out right there in the hospital. I think people are just at a loss as to what to say. They want to comfort so they look to the only phrases they know and unfortunately most times it is not what should be said.

How will you I remembered? I hope I am more than a title as with your friend. So and so's wife, RS pres, etc. I hope my life will leave a more creative legacy than this. But it really doesn't matter much to me any more. For far to long I lived my life preparing to die so as to receive that eternal reward on high. I lived my life "knowing" I had purpose. Now I live to enjoy this life and create my own purpose.