NOM

Give It Time wrote: ↑Fri Jul 07, 2017 8:26 pm As you read this, these aren't my full feelings on this topic. I may share some of my hard won through experience jaded views further down, but this initial post I am choosing to keep positive.

I recently opened up to my bishop about how my former bishop having mishandled my situation and how that had impacted our family. We had gone from a fully engaged, fully active family to one that barely attends, at all. Granted, I didn't believe at that time and I think that bishop caught wind of that, hence his panic, but I was still willing to be fully engaged in the ward.

When I went in to talk to my current bishop, he basically let me scold him for forty-five minutes. He apologized for the previous administration. He took down notes of my story to follow up in case he needed to report. When I told him a couple of my stories, he was empathetic. It was really just an ordinary visit, but also kind of amazing.

A few days later, I was out to lunch with my department. I sat there in the restaurant enjoying the conviviality. As I sat there, I felt my mind relax, some sunshine in my mind. I felt some knots in my psyche loosen and some dust and cobwebs blow away. I felt content. Genuinely content. I hadn't felt that way in years, decades. It caught me pleasantly by surprise. I realized the reason I was letting go was because of the empathy the bishop had expressed.

In contrast, I recently shared an experience with my VT. I told her about a moment I realized I wasn't so innocent about abuse, myself, and I had decided to hold my feet to the fire on that issue. Her response? That we need to forgive those who've hurt us. ?!?!?!? Truthfully, I think she just says that to shut me up. However, if she asks me how some gospel principle applies in my life, I give her a very vague idea of why that gospel principle has not been a blessing in my life. What am I supposed to do? She asks the question, I'm sorry my life experiences aren't faith affirming for her. Enough of these exchanges and I think it's damaging her testimony. I don't even get specific. She tells me to forgive. I could elaborate with how frustrating I find these conversations, but you get the idea. I'm sure you've had your own version.

Anyway, after our most recent exchange, I was spiraling for a few days. Working not to spiral, but still spinning. The contrast between the empathetic response from my bishop and the judgemental one from my VT was stunning. I realized if I want to heal, I need a new VT.

I've given my ward a little fair warning that I'm going to be sharing stories. They seem to be afraid. That's logical. If you'd lived my life you'd see that's logical. However, I've decided to give this church, or at least this local administration, a chance. The church should be a tool available for me to utilize for my healing. Heavenly Father would want this.

If this is the Lord's church, it should be able to take my faith destroying experiences and eat them for breakfast. I'm going to approach this in that way. I will be considerate and kind. I will choose the quotes and thoughts to comment on that are least triggering and, therefore, the least offensive response. This is the church that helped Elizabeth Smart heal. If this church and its members can handle that situation with a modicum of competence then it can handle my situation and many others, as well.

Wish me luck.

Give It Time wrote:If this is the Lord's church, it should be able to take my faith destroying experiences and eat them for breakfast. I'm going to approach this in that way. I will be considerate and kind. I will choose the quotes and thoughts to comment on that are least triggering and, therefore, the least offensive response. This is the church that helped Elizabeth Smart heal. If this church and its members can handle that situation with a modicum of competence then it can handle my situation and many others, as well.

Red Ryder wrote: ↑Thu Jul 20, 2017 6:22 pm

Give It Time wrote:If this is the Lord's church, it should be able to take my faith destroying experiences and eat them for breakfast. I'm going to approach this in that way. I will be considerate and kind. I will choose the quotes and thoughts to comment on that are least triggering and, therefore, the least offensive response. This is the church that helped Elizabeth Smart heal. If this church and its members can handle that situation with a modicum of competence then it can handle my situation and many others, as well.

Do you have a back up plan? The church sometimes can be complicit in exacerbating abuse by blaming the victim. Most ward members have good intentions but don't know how to react other than to ignore and passively sweep things under the rug. Unfortunately for a church named after Jesus, the church and it's members clearly don't know how to love unconditionally.

I have hope that your ward will pull you in and provide healing. However, I also worry from reading your posts and your past history that the church machine will just chew you up and spit you back out. Ward and Leadership roulette.