NOM

This is a simple word of advice for my LDS friends who may end up “leading” a Council session on a first Sunday. You may be in Relief Society with the Sisters or in a Quorum meeting with the Brethren but the advice is exactly the same: DO NO HARM. In the nature of humanity there is often a need to be RIGHT and in a group of humans you will find differing views and values and those can be closely and dearly held. The possibility of seriously harming someone’s pride or emotional balance is very real and you should be careful that all feel safe.

To the point:

You are not the “Leader” you are the “Facilitator”. Leaders lead in that true “We’re here, we’re going there” sense, they know where they are and where they want to go. You may have found yourself in a Sunday School class where the teacher hands out numbered pieces of paper with scriptures or quotes on them and the process of the lesson is simple, the Teacher calls out a number, asks someone to read #1 and off you go. That is leading, “put your foot right here” kind of leading. It can work but mostly your audience winds up either being happy they didn’t get a slip of paper or frantically trying to figure out what they are going to say when the Teacher asks them to read and follows up with “What do you feel that means Sister Smith?” Everyone else is just along for the ride. A Facilitator has a better, more intuitive role, they are more of a tracker, looking to see where things are going and help the class find its own footing.

Remember your council on the first Sunday is about making congregants’ life better. To quote:
“On the first Sunday of each month, quorum, group, and Relief Society meetings will not include a lesson taught by a teacher. Instead, presidencies or group leaders will lead a council meeting. Each quorum, group, or Relief Society will counsel together about local responsibilities, opportunities, and challenges; learn from each other’s insights and experiences; and plan ways to act on impressions received from the Spirit.” https://www.lds.org/ensign/2017/11/come ... s?lang=eng

A broad charge, but to me it is clearly about ministering to each other and the local community.

If you are Facilitating, you’ll want to ask for help from the group. This is not a lecture session it’s a group looking to improve all their lots and you need to help them invest and watch out for each other. First establish some norms; norms are rules the group will use to govern the discussion; the group itself creates the norms NOT YOU, you may have a norm you wish to offer but you are not there to impose your will. A group norm should be simple like, “No name calling” or “no politics”. The more complex the norm the harder it is to self-enforce. Norms should make your group feel safer and be the road markers on a snowy highway. Create norms. Write them down. Help keep them simple and you don’t need forty, more like four or six. Review them every time you meet.

Ask someone to be the Timekeeper. This person can chirp in with the time remaining. If you have 45 minutes, then it’s nice to have a “30 minutes left” as well as 15 and 5. Nobody like a meeting that goes late…you’ve had that speaker who just drags on and on and we didn’t like it then and we don’t like it now. Timekeeper. Priceless.

Have a scribe, not a secretary. ASK for someone who’s willing to be the scribe. It’s a chance to let someone volunteer to do an important job. Sure, you could assign your quorum/group/presidency secretary to take notes but give them a break—that’s what they are always doing! Set them free, ask for someone.

Have an Ombudsman, someone willing to watch out for everyone. This person looks for that person who’s dying to contribute but for some reason is left out. They may see someone who has been overlooked and simply insert a “Brother Jones, did you have something you wanted to add?” Likewise, if the Facilitator misses a breach of the norms or a slight of some kind the Ombudsman can say, “We’re drifting off” and protect group members if things are getting personal or even just awkward. A Council should be a guided discussion where everyone feels safe and isn’t afraid to contribute, the Ombudsman’s job is to be aware of the other members and protect them if necessary.

If your Council is simply trying to “…counsel together about local responsibilities, opportunities, and challenges; learn from each other’s insights and experiences; and plan ways to act on impressions received from the Spirit…” Then everyone’s ideas and input is valid. Norms should keep the process on track and inbounds. A Facilitator should be on a voyage for discovery with the Council, responsive to its needs and ideas, aware that they don’t have the answers but the group probably does.


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This is great. Thanks for putting this together.

In my bereaved mothers' support group we have "traditions." Really they are rules: Respect everyone where they are in their grief journeys. Respect everyone's feelings and experiences even though they may differ from your own. And leave with your own grief. It works really well. We have mothers from all different backgrounds and each story of child loss is different. Having respect as the main ground rule helps people share with confidence that they will receive respct back from the group.

In Mormonism the repsect is never for the indivual person. It is always for the church. So that is going to be a huge obstacle to ever having a productive council.

MoPag wrote: ↑Tue Dec 26, 2017 3:15 pm In Mormonism the repsect is never for the indivual person. It is always for the church. So that is going to be a huge obstacle to ever having a productive council.

This.

Our 5th Sunday lesson was on how to hold councils and how councils help the group learn from everyone's perspective... but there's one problem. At church there is only one valid perspective. Stray from the one valid perspective and it's usually followed up by several people tearing down that perspective. Usually people try to tear it down with an appeal to authority, someone usually chimes in, "But during the last general conference Elder SoAndSo said..." and you can say adios to any value you can extract from a discussion among a group of people.

We don't validate people at church, we only validate the church.

I like your points though. My pessimism tells me the 'councils' will fall on old habits of the same three or four people that always speak up speaking up and well policed thought. I guess I should have a wait and see attitude.

Seems to me that most Mormons are ill prepared for open discussions. This might come from years of being spoon fed in meetings, a feeling that everything needs to be sugar coated, and the fact that many Mormons can be overly censorious and defensive.

Those are all items that the facilitator, which Brent describes, must workaround for a successful meeting. Not sure if having a scribe will inhibit members from sharing their authentic thoughts and feelings. It might have a chilling effect. The message needs to be given that members are safe to share and will not be subject to ridicule and punishment for doing so - that is if safety can be guaranteed. Otherwise, there would be safety in remaining silent and not laughing at the futility of the meeting.