My Beta Operating System
Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2016 12:04 pm
Some of you may not know this, but I have a new operating system that I’ve been developing. A few years ago, it was in the alpha phase. Actually, it is not a completely new system; it is a modification of an existing operating system I’ve used for a long time.
It’s been a very difficult process. I don’t know much about programming or how to reprogram an existing operating system. I took a few programming classes in college and understand basic programming logic. The rest of it I’ve had to learn as I go and seek a great deal of help on online forums.
It’s taken a significant amount of time to get it to where it is today. I feel like there is so much more time I need to put into it before it will work well for me.
I now think I have reached the beta phase of development. Many of the bugs are being worked out, although every now and then I still have a system crash.
Now I’m having to port specific software I use so that it will run on the new OS. That’s been difficult too, and having to create the drivers so the system will boot correctly and the hardware works correctly has also been a major undertaking.
There have been so many crashes over the last few years. So many times I’ve had to reboot. So often that the system would freeze up, or in some other way be unable to function the way I want it to.
I do feel like I’m getting there, though.
Just in case you haven’t figured this out already, this is an analogy of my faith transition. It has been a long process for me. Over three years and I’m still working through things with a TBM wife. None of my kids know. Nobody in the ward knows. The only other family members who know is my wonderful gay brother.
Through this process, I realized how many bugs the existing church programming that was so burned into my hardware really had. There’s been so much firmware from the church over the years that I’ve had to remove.
I realized that the deprogramming and removing the existing bugs from my existing system has been one of the more difficult tasks.
I’ve had to listen to how many other people have had to deprogram themselves in order for me to get past certain parts of the process.
I can now see the benefits of my efforts. Life is starting to be less burdened and easier. I don’t have to follow certain subroutines anymore.
The biggest problem I have right now is that I can tell that those I love don’t see the benefits of my new system.
They don’t want to install it.
When they scan it on their church security software, it comes up as a virus. That is how the church program sees me: as a virus.
By trying to get them to use my new operating system, I’m trying to get them to crash how they are operating their life.
That’s essentially true. No longer running certain subroutines I had been trained to follow and believe my entire life was the start of my need to reprogram.
The deprogramming process is going to cause the existing operating system to fail. You have to reprogram to some extent after deprogramming and for those of us who go through this, we should recognize that not everyone wants to have their own custom program, or that maybe they are just not ready for one yet.
In many ways I’m not able to give them my new operating system anyway. It is still at a beta level. Loved ones I’ve tried to share it with can see the bugs, and they’re more wary of it.
For now, I’m going to keep developing it. I know I will eventually reach that point where everything works well enough to get through life and I’m really looking forward to that.
It’s been a very difficult process. I don’t know much about programming or how to reprogram an existing operating system. I took a few programming classes in college and understand basic programming logic. The rest of it I’ve had to learn as I go and seek a great deal of help on online forums.
It’s taken a significant amount of time to get it to where it is today. I feel like there is so much more time I need to put into it before it will work well for me.
I now think I have reached the beta phase of development. Many of the bugs are being worked out, although every now and then I still have a system crash.
Now I’m having to port specific software I use so that it will run on the new OS. That’s been difficult too, and having to create the drivers so the system will boot correctly and the hardware works correctly has also been a major undertaking.
There have been so many crashes over the last few years. So many times I’ve had to reboot. So often that the system would freeze up, or in some other way be unable to function the way I want it to.
I do feel like I’m getting there, though.
Just in case you haven’t figured this out already, this is an analogy of my faith transition. It has been a long process for me. Over three years and I’m still working through things with a TBM wife. None of my kids know. Nobody in the ward knows. The only other family members who know is my wonderful gay brother.
Through this process, I realized how many bugs the existing church programming that was so burned into my hardware really had. There’s been so much firmware from the church over the years that I’ve had to remove.
I realized that the deprogramming and removing the existing bugs from my existing system has been one of the more difficult tasks.
I’ve had to listen to how many other people have had to deprogram themselves in order for me to get past certain parts of the process.
I can now see the benefits of my efforts. Life is starting to be less burdened and easier. I don’t have to follow certain subroutines anymore.
The biggest problem I have right now is that I can tell that those I love don’t see the benefits of my new system.
They don’t want to install it.
When they scan it on their church security software, it comes up as a virus. That is how the church program sees me: as a virus.
By trying to get them to use my new operating system, I’m trying to get them to crash how they are operating their life.
That’s essentially true. No longer running certain subroutines I had been trained to follow and believe my entire life was the start of my need to reprogram.
The deprogramming process is going to cause the existing operating system to fail. You have to reprogram to some extent after deprogramming and for those of us who go through this, we should recognize that not everyone wants to have their own custom program, or that maybe they are just not ready for one yet.
In many ways I’m not able to give them my new operating system anyway. It is still at a beta level. Loved ones I’ve tried to share it with can see the bugs, and they’re more wary of it.
For now, I’m going to keep developing it. I know I will eventually reach that point where everything works well enough to get through life and I’m really looking forward to that.