NOM

First of all have highlighted DW as TM and not TBM. She won't look at anything 'anti' but really does not believe - she hopes that JS saw something in the grove, but knows that if I am not a believer, there's a very very good reason. As such she knows that something is very rotten in Amsterdam or SLC.

Anyway I stopped paying tithing a while ago.

This is where it gets interesting. DW works full time. However we are both presently working in the public sector - so every penny is a prisoner. And I am loathe to give any of it to the LD$.

I do the budgeting for household expenses. And I have told DW that there is not enough in the kitty for tithing - and I object out of principle. So we have discussed paying on surplus.

I worked out a figure tonight. And will present the figure shortly. Wish me luck - depending on your moral code...

Best of luck, I am in a similar situation... let me know how this turns out.

Good luck! I hope your DW is open to your suggestion. You need your money more than the church does.

You could always employ a different practice.

Pay your tithing @ 10% into a savings account. Consider that God's portion of your earnings and make it available to God to withdraw whenever he needs it. Since the church doesn't publish financials, leave it to God to let you know when he needs his money in his account. Transfer accordingly.

Another way is to follow the fine example of Mitt Romney and put all of your money into a Charitable Remainder Trust. This will allow you to live your life accordingly, then when you die your money is donated to the beneficiary charity. Set the LDS church up to be the beneficiary if you choose.

A third way is to buy stocks with intent to donate them to the church as a form of tithing. When tithing settlement comes around, just tell your bishop you've got stock to donate and you're currently working with the COB to determine the basis and value in order to settle.

What about Bitcoin?

Or Nephite Brass coins you own the rights to but are still developing recovery plans to pull up off the Mediterranean Sea floor?

There's infinite options.

Read this at Pure Mormonism before you talk to your wife. If will give you historical ammunition on why paying on surplus has merit.

Good luck. I can't tell you how envious I am. My husband is beginning to prepare our taxes, and every time he wants me to look at them, I get either angry or sick just looking at that figure that goes to the church.

MerrieMiss wrote: ↑Tue Jan 30, 2018 5:35 pmMy husband is beginning to prepare our taxes, and every time he wants me to look at them, I get either angry or sick just looking at that figure that goes to the church.

This. Only at our hose DW does the books, not sure if/when this may change. Thousands down a rat hole...

My wife does the finances, I know she pays tithing on her earnings, no clue if she pays it on mine. I may get parity by buying alcohol. That way both of us are contributing financially to something the other wishes they didn't.

slavereeno wrote: ↑Tue Jan 30, 2018 5:59 pm

MerrieMiss wrote: ↑Tue Jan 30, 2018 5:35 pmMy husband is beginning to prepare our taxes, and every time he wants me to look at them, I get either angry or sick just looking at that figure that goes to the church.

This. Only at our hose DW does the books, not sure if/when this may change. Thousands down a rat hole...

+1

I can’t even look at the amount DW pays in tithing. It makes me physically sick. Makes me livid that even as the sole income provider, I can’t tell her not to pay. The church has embedded fear deep in her psyche of what will happen if god doesn’t get his cash.

I pay the tithes and do the taxes. Haven't increased our gross payment in 10 years. I mentioned to spouseman that Im paying on increase and he was cool. Then I stopped paying much at all, and what I do pay goes to COB. I kept paying the former amount into tax deferred investments, so our taxes won't increase. SM is feeling like things are fine but doesn't know I basically stopped tithing, I think when I go over taxes with him he will be fine with it though.

Thanks everyone for commenting.

Well...she agreed.

We're quite aways from last year when we moved from gross to net - and that was an uproar, which took me sending a link from LDS org to show it's a personal preference.

I did what A New Name suggested. I had in advance sent her articles from Rock Waterman.

This will make a significant difference to our quality of life over the next year.

We have reached a figure that I actually think is reasonable, as long as we attend and use the facilities - i.e. it's enough that I feel like we are still helping to heat and light the building. And I think that's fair, as fire insurance and the widows of heaven are not part of our thinking any more. There is still a disparity and a feeling of cheating the other people in the congregation who are contributing a far greater ratio of their earnings.

w2mz wrote: ↑Tue Jan 30, 2018 6:23 pm

slavereeno wrote: ↑Tue Jan 30, 2018 5:59 pm

MerrieMiss wrote: ↑Tue Jan 30, 2018 5:35 pmMy husband is beginning to prepare our taxes, and every time he wants me to look at them, I get either angry or sick just looking at that figure that goes to the church.

This. Only at our hose DW does the books, not sure if/when this may change. Thousands down a rat hole...

I can’t even look at the amount DW pays in tithing. It makes me physically sick. Makes me livid that even as the sole income provider, I can’t tell her not to pay. The church has embedded fear deep in her psyche of what will happen if god doesn’t get his cash.

w2mz... I really feel for ya!
While the results of my research had the opposite affect on my DW (she's more hardcore TBM than ever), at least in the way of tithing it didn't go that. I too am the sole income provider for our household. And when I became a non-believer I insisted that not one penny would ever find its way into the church's coffers. In the beginning my DW - who also handles all of the family's finances - struggled with this decision, but she has honored my request and does not tithe or donate any of our $$'s to the church.
I don't think it would be a deal breaker if she ever back-tracked on that, but I would definitely insist on taking over the family finances if it happened! There is no way this church, or any other religion, will ever get one penny of what I work hard to earn!

w2mz wrote: ↑Tue Jan 30, 2018 6:23 pm I can’t even look at the amount DW pays in tithing. It makes me physically sick. Makes me livid that even as the sole income provider, I can’t tell her not to pay. The church has embedded fear deep in her psyche of what will happen if god doesn’t get his cash.

Huh. As the SAHM, I don't believe I have any say where the money goes. It's no win either way. (In my husband's defense, he says it's my money too, it's one of the regular arguments we have, but I haven't pressed the tithing issue yet.)

MerrieMiss wrote: ↑Wed Jan 31, 2018 6:58 pm

w2mz wrote: ↑Tue Jan 30, 2018 6:23 pm I can’t even look at the amount DW pays in tithing. It makes me physically sick. Makes me livid that even as the sole income provider, I can’t tell her not to pay. The church has embedded fear deep in her psyche of what will happen if god doesn’t get his cash.

Huh. As the SAHM, I don't believe I have any say where the money goes. It's no win either way. (In my husband's defense, he says it's my money too, it's one of the regular arguments we have, but I haven't pressed the tithing issue yet.)

He probably feels like you have a say as a SAHM contributor to the household. He also probably feels like he has the right to veto if needed.

I got lucky. When my bank account broke up with the church, the wife objected but didn't pursue the "5% "on my half" strategy employed by some SAHM TBM spouses. She did talk to the bishop as a concerned recommend holder, who told her she was still considered a full tithe payer and worthy for the TR as a SAHM. She also has a part time job and pays on her income. Although she typically waits until the year is up before dropping coin for Jesus.

Great news!
And suddenly you can drive a car like I did
Or get your 4 kids through swimmingclasses like a friend suddenly found.... Holland has a lot of water, swimminglessons are pretty important to stay alive.
Or renovate your house, suddenly.....

It's quite nice.

Meilingkie wrote: ↑Thu Feb 01, 2018 12:42 pm Great news!
And suddenly you can drive a car like I did
Or get your 4 kids through swimmingclasses like a friend suddenly found.... Holland has a lot of water, swimminglessons are pretty important to stay alive.
Or renovate your house, suddenly.....

It's quite nice.

Imac on it's way

A New Name wrote: ↑Tue Jan 30, 2018 4:10 pm Read this at Pure Mormonism before you talk to your wife. If will give you historical ammunition on why paying on surplus has merit.

This is a fantastic article. Thanks for sharing.