Another casualty of war

This is for encouragement, ideas, and support for people going through a faith transition no matter where you hope to end up. This is also the place to laugh, cry, and love together.
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crossmyheart
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Location: Where the wind comes sweeping down the plain

Another casualty of war

Post by crossmyheart » Tue Jul 03, 2018 11:56 am

Do you have one of those families in your stake- almost celebrity-level? Full of generations of successful missions and fine examples of prosperity doctrine. Doctors and lawyers and dentists and financiers abound. Not to mention the plethora of Bishops and Stake Presidents and Stake Relief Society Presidents and Mission Presidents and all other coveted callings scattered among the family tree.

I lived in an area where their family name was known far and wide, and not just within the church. Treated as celebrities at church, everyone clamored to be known by them, to be a part of their inner circle. You knew you were special when the matriarch knew your name. No hint of ex-mo at any level. All of them pillars of the gospel.

I just found out that one of the prominent sons has left the church, separated from his wife, has become verbally antagonistic against the church and is now outcast from his extended family. He found out the truth and spoke out. Now the members whisper rumors of sex, drugs, and rock and roll, yet it was nothing of the sort. Lots of scandal, yet no affair, nothing salacious. Just finding out the truth. He has a career with a high profile in the community. Time will tell if his sudden change of belief will hurt his career.

I would love to reach out to him, but have not lived in that community in several years and we never really crossed paths.

In comparison, I went out quietly. I just moved away and went inactive.

In the spirit of NOM-hood, raising a glass of wine to him. Cheers to all who have the courage to stand for truth and righteousness and burn it all to the ground.

Thoughtful
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Re: Another casualty of war

Post by Thoughtful » Tue Jul 03, 2018 1:46 pm

crossmyheart wrote:
Tue Jul 03, 2018 11:56 am
Do you have one of those families in your stake- almost celebrity-level? Full of generations of successful missions and fine examples of prosperity doctrine. Doctors and lawyers and dentists and financiers abound. Not to mention the plethora of Bishops and Stake Presidents and Stake Relief Society Presidents and Mission Presidents and all other coveted callings scattered among the family tree.

I lived in an area where their family name was known far and wide, and not just within the church. Treated as celebrities at church, everyone clamored to be known by them, to be a part of their inner circle. You knew you were special when the matriarch knew your name. No hint of ex-mo at any level. All of them pillars of the gospel.

I just found out that one of the prominent sons has left the church, separated from his wife, has become verbally antagonistic against the church and is now outcast from his extended family. He found out the truth and spoke out. Now the members whisper rumors of sex, drugs, and rock and roll, yet it was nothing of the sort. Lots of scandal, yet no affair, nothing salacious. Just finding out the truth. He has a career with a high profile in the community. Time will tell if his sudden change of belief will hurt his career.

I would love to reach out to him, but have not lived in that community in several years and we never really crossed paths.

In comparison, I went out quietly. I just moved away and went inactive.

In the spirit of NOM-hood, raising a glass of wine to him. Cheers to all who have the courage to stand for truth and righteousness and burn it all to the ground.

This describes my ILs. I'll be the one disrupting their perfect facade by pressing charges on sex crimes by their family member. I'll be the apostate DIL who took her children to damnation with her. Spouseman too, hopefully.

Mackman
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Re: Another casualty of war

Post by Mackman » Tue Jul 03, 2018 2:00 pm

We have a couple of those families and it makes me sick the way people go to great lengths to become friends with them . people bend over backwards to help them but I needed help once or twice and never got that kind of participation !!!! I have two handicapped children (adults now ) you think I could have gotten some help but no we were like the black plague !! Ibrush it off now but at times it still makes me sick especially with my TBM. Wife pushing me to "rejoin" the church after resigning one year ago . It has been the best year since I joined in 1981 !!!!

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IT_Veteran
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Location: California

Re: Another casualty of war

Post by IT_Veteran » Tue Jul 03, 2018 3:29 pm

Honestly, I remember that kind of bullshit from living in Utah but haven't seen it here. Sure, there are families that have been here a while and everybody knows them as they've gone through bishopric and stake callings, but nothing like what you've described. It's one of the things I hated most about the church in Utah. I quite honestly really like the people in my wife's ward, for the most part. I just can't stay in close contact with most of them because I'm not willing to be the project. Or the object of their pity.

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RubinHighlander
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Re: Another casualty of war

Post by RubinHighlander » Thu Jul 05, 2018 4:40 pm

We had several of these families in our stake, but one in particular where the dad was steak prez and two of the sons bishops. As far as I know they are all still in. There was the youngest daughter who had a failed marriage and was like the black sheep, but still active. They owned a several acre small ranch right across from the ward house and three of the families have houses on it, kind of like a like a polygamist commune. I didn't know the dad or mom very well but was actually good friends with most of the sons, they were more down to earth people and I still respect them. The other families of Stake presidents of the past in that stake are more in the douchbag area; doctors and business owners with million dollar houses and big egos. Then there are the iconic families who have been in the area from pioneer days and kind of act like they own the place; there was more friction with these types in the local government of the township and county commission.

In every ward there are the 5-10 "great families". I put that in quotes because I actually heard that term used a couple of times by bishops when one of these families moved out of the ward. It made the rest of us feel like second class citizens. These great families are those that get cycled through all the big callings at the ward then the stake takes them then they might cycle back to a bishop position. My family was in the third class because we were melded from past divorces. When in the thick of turmoil and drama from X-spouses, you really feel like a loser, sitting in a sac meeting, listening to a talk from one of the great families say how awesome their gospel life is with all their daily scripture reading, etc. So glad I don't have to go through that anymore!
“Sir,' I said to the universe, 'I exist.' 'That,' said the universe, 'creates no sense of obligation in me whatsoever.”
--Douglas Adams

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzmYP3PbfXE

Margarita
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Joined: Sat May 06, 2017 4:21 pm

Re: Another casualty of war

Post by Margarita » Fri Jul 06, 2018 11:17 am

Woot...contact him...he is so willing and waiting to help you. Really...this is where one finds that his ancestors/posterity is built on a faulty foundation..and this is the time to share and become friends in a realm where there is a level of shame in all that prosperity..return and report please!! In my former ward...there was a very prominent family...the daughter ended up getting immunity for murder with her boyfriend..trust me...you will learn what triggers..what happens when your belief supersedes your own moral compass..and the very power of brainwashing.

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2bizE
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Re: Another casualty of war

Post by 2bizE » Tue Jul 10, 2018 6:46 am

Feels like Game of Thrones in modern times.
~2bizE

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Corsair
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Re: Another casualty of war

Post by Corsair » Tue Jul 10, 2018 10:45 am

2bizE wrote:
Tue Jul 10, 2018 6:46 am
Feels like Game of Thrones in modern times.
That sounds fun! I hope this means bloodshed played out among the LDS nobility along with some non-consensual immorality.

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GoodBoy
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Re: Another casualty of war

Post by GoodBoy » Tue Jul 10, 2018 10:54 am

I would say that my family (including wife and kids) were one of those "great families". My loss of faith caused a huge loss of status for me and my wife in that community. I'm working on creating a new tribe for myself while trying to minimize the damage otherwise.
Always been the good kid, but I wanted to know more, and to find and test truth.

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Red Ryder
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Re: Another casualty of war

Post by Red Ryder » Tue Jul 10, 2018 11:14 am

GoodBoy wrote:
Tue Jul 10, 2018 10:54 am
I would say that my family (including wife and kids) were one of those "great families". My loss of faith caused a huge loss of status for me and my wife in that community. I'm working on creating a new tribe for myself while trying to minimize the damage otherwise.
What is your wife doing?

Mine has never recovered from the stigma of being married to a half assed mormon. She's left out of a lot of friendships because I'm the "ward weirdo"!

Unfortunately finding a replacement community that both of us can benefit from at the same time is harder to find. Church or youth soccer are about the only groups where everyone is together. Sigh...
Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

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GoodBoy
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Re: Another casualty of war

Post by GoodBoy » Fri Jul 13, 2018 2:42 pm

Red Ryder wrote:
Tue Jul 10, 2018 11:14 am
What is your wife doing?

Mine has never recovered from the stigma of being married to a half assed mormon. She's left out of a lot of friendships because I'm the "ward weirdo"!

Unfortunately finding a replacement community that both of us can benefit from at the same time is harder to find. Church or youth soccer are about the only groups where everyone is together. Sigh...
She is still attending and lamenting her loss of status and being treated like she needs help and/or pity. She used to be the primary president, now she is in the nursery (which is the one place where I can still endure attending church).

We are both finding new communities. Hers is associated with music and theater groups in town, and in being involved in the schools and in 4H. Mine is with board game groups and in Mormon support communities, and I just enjoy my free time a little more than I ever have. We still do lots of stuff with our Mormon friends. In fact there are a ton of them swimming in the creek on our property right now. I just never talk about my disaffection and limit my religious/political social media posts/comments to defending immigrants.
Always been the good kid, but I wanted to know more, and to find and test truth.

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