Just an Update

This is for encouragement, ideas, and support for people going through a faith transition no matter where you hope to end up. This is also the place to laugh, cry, and love together.
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Deepthinker
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Just an Update

Post by Deepthinker » Tue Jul 10, 2018 4:29 pm

I still lurk every now and then, but I haven’t posted for a while. Thought it was time for an update, let some of you know where I am now. A few things have happened, although I'm still what you would consider fully active in the church.

I met with a counselor who has some faith transition expertise. She’s basically an exmo. DW has been supportive of me going, although we didn’t talk much about it, she gives her silent support and knows I still “struggle” with my faith.

DW gave a talk a few months ago, I was out of town. She sends me a copy of her talk the night before for me to look at and give her feedback. Part of her talk, she mentions a “friend” of hers that is going through a faith crisis, and that it breaks her heart to watch this “friend” go through this. Of course, that friend is me, and reading it I just cried. It brought back a flood of emotions. I told her I was sorry for breaking her heart, and we ended up having a good discussion.

A few weeks before this, we were making dinner in the kitchen and DD mentioned one of her favorite teachers at school, and that she is an exmormon. DW, in a nice and matter-of-fact way, says: “Your dad is going to be one of those exmormons someday.” Kids just thought she was joking.

I’m beginning to think DW is becoming more comfortable with the idea of me leaving the church. She still says to me fairly often that she hates church, and doesn’t want to go. This last Sunday she said it to me after Sacrament, and I told her I’m fine with her not going and that I would love her either way.

I’ve been teaching the 13 year old Sunday school class now for several months, and most of the time I love it. Still have triggers every now and then that set me off, but I love being able to teach the class the way I want to. I even let them decide some lessons.

I opened it up at the end of one of the lessons several weeks ago and asked them what they wanted the lesson to be on next week. This sweet young woman said: “How about why do miracles not happen to some people?” That’s what she wanted to talk about. Context: her father had just passed away in a motorcycle accident a few weeks before that day. That was, hands down, the best lesson I’ve ever had the privilege of teaching at church.

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FiveFingerMnemonic
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Re: Just an Update

Post by FiveFingerMnemonic » Tue Jul 10, 2018 4:44 pm

Nice update, I really enjoyed your report on teaching the 13 year old class and how cognizant they are of the lowering of miracle expectations. I find it interesting that your wife is the one who doesn't want to attend anymore yet is still holding on to bitterness about your transition.

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RubinHighlander
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Re: Just an Update

Post by RubinHighlander » Tue Jul 10, 2018 4:53 pm

Deepthinker wrote:
Tue Jul 10, 2018 4:29 pm
Of course, that friend is me, and reading it I just cried. It brought back a flood of emotions. I told her I was sorry for breaking her heart, and we ended up having a good discussion.
This is excellent that you can share your true feelings with each other! This is what really helped me and my DW during our faith transition where I was basically out but she was still in and it was really hurting her, which in turn hurt me. But the fact that I continued to show her how deeply troubling and painful my transition was and what a struggle it was, not just my own faith crisis, but the impact on her, it really helped us stay close and for her to trust me. It made it much easier for her to start her own journey out.

Stay on the path brother, it sounds like you'll be okay.
“Sir,' I said to the universe, 'I exist.' 'That,' said the universe, 'creates no sense of obligation in me whatsoever.”
--Douglas Adams

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzmYP3PbfXE

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alas
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Re: Just an Update

Post by alas » Tue Jul 10, 2018 5:54 pm

One of these times when she says she just hates going to church, ask her if the church was not true, would you want to know? She just might say she does want to know if it really is true or not.

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Red Ryder
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Re: Just an Update

Post by Red Ryder » Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:24 am

What's the counselor's advice with all this?
Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

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Deepthinker
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Re: Just an Update

Post by Deepthinker » Wed Jul 11, 2018 2:18 pm

FiveFingerMnemonic wrote:
Tue Jul 10, 2018 4:44 pm
Nice update, I really enjoyed your report on teaching the 13 year old class and how cognizant they are of the lowering of miracle expectations. I find it interesting that your wife is the one who doesn't want to attend anymore yet is still holding on to bitterness about your transition.
Yes, for her it's mostly social, how others see her. She has anxiety, OCD issues.

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Deepthinker
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Re: Just an Update

Post by Deepthinker » Wed Jul 11, 2018 2:18 pm

RubinHighlander wrote:
Tue Jul 10, 2018 4:53 pm
Deepthinker wrote:
Tue Jul 10, 2018 4:29 pm
Of course, that friend is me, and reading it I just cried. It brought back a flood of emotions. I told her I was sorry for breaking her heart, and we ended up having a good discussion.
This is excellent that you can share your true feelings with each other! This is what really helped me and my DW during our faith transition where I was basically out but she was still in and it was really hurting her, which in turn hurt me. But the fact that I continued to show her how deeply troubling and painful my transition was and what a struggle it was, not just my own faith crisis, but the impact on her, it really helped us stay close and for her to trust me. It made it much easier for her to start her own journey out.

Stay on the path brother, it sounds like you'll be okay.
Thank you so much.

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Deepthinker
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Re: Just an Update

Post by Deepthinker » Wed Jul 11, 2018 2:20 pm

alas wrote:
Tue Jul 10, 2018 5:54 pm
One of these times when she says she just hates going to church, ask her if the church was not true, would you want to know? She just might say she does want to know if it really is true or not.
I actually asked her this early on in opening up to her. It's been a few years, but back then she answered yes. I think the truth is she doesn't want to go there. I will think about asking her again, the next opportunity. Thanks alas.

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Deepthinker
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Re: Just an Update

Post by Deepthinker » Wed Jul 11, 2018 2:22 pm

Red Ryder wrote:
Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:24 am
What's the counselor's advice with all this?
That I need to get my wife in for counseling. She won't, I've tried. She went in a few times for her anxiety/OCD and didn't continue.

The counselor did say she thought I was someone who could stay in the church, that I've been managing it really well. There are still times when I just want to leave, though.

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Raylan Givens
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Re: Just an Update

Post by Raylan Givens » Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:28 pm

Great update.

Kids crave a REAL adult perspective on things.
"Ah, you know, I think you use the Bible to do whatever the hell you like" - Raylan Givens

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MalcolmVillager
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Re: Just an Update

Post by MalcolmVillager » Sat Jul 14, 2018 10:23 pm

Great update. I am treading that NOM water too. Not always fun but it really is a mess either way!

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