I Just Don't...Care

If you are new to the board or simply have something new in your life, come let us know in the Introductions forum.
Post Reply
kyle315
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2018 9:43 pm

I Just Don't...Care

Post by kyle315 » Thu Jul 12, 2018 7:57 am

Hi all. I've been here before, waaaaayyyyy back when.
My story is probably familiar. It's not that I do or don't believe, is that I just don't care anymore. I don't care about Joseph Smith's first vision. I don't care about the Book of Mormon, or whether it's true or not. I don't care about my testimony, or anybody else's for that matter. I don't care about "Ministering", either doing it or having my "Ministering Brothers" stop by. I don't care about General Conference and the myriad of things I need to focus on/worry about. I still believe in things; God and Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit, Heaven and Hell, being a good neighbor to everyone around me, etc.
I'm just not sure how to handle this feeling of apathy towards everything.

Anyway, that's me.

Kyle

User avatar
Linked
Posts: 709
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 4:04 pm

Re: I Just Don't...Care

Post by Linked » Thu Jul 12, 2018 8:23 am

Welcome back Kyle!

From what you wrote it sounds like you do believe in and care about things, just not necessarily all the things the LDS church and culture pushes you to care about. If you can, try to spend as little time as possible thinking/worrying/acting on the things you have apathy for. This can be complicated if you are a minor living with TBM parents, or married to a TBM, or even just having mostly TBM family and friends because of the social pressure, but even in those situations there are ways to back off from the church even if it is just mentally.

Good luck!
"I would write about life. Every person would be exactly as important as any other. All facts would also be given equal weightiness. Nothing would be left out. Let others bring order to chaos. I would bring chaos to order" - Kurt Vonnegut

User avatar
Corsair
Posts: 2145
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 9:58 am
Location: Phoenix

Re: I Just Don't...Care

Post by Corsair » Thu Jul 12, 2018 6:13 pm

kyle315 wrote:
Thu Jul 12, 2018 7:57 am
My story is probably familiar. It's not that I do or don't believe, is that I just don't care anymore. I don't care about Joseph Smith's first vision. I don't care about the Book of Mormon, or whether it's true or not. I don't care about my testimony, or anybody else's for that matter. I
I have to give you credit in one respect. The correct long term attitude towards the LDS church is indifference. Not caring about whatever the LDS church does is a healthy attitude because there are better things to worry about in your life. I probably spend too much time worrying about this stuff, but I'm also married to a strong believer so it's rather hard to get away. But there is no moral or cosmic reason that you must care about the teachings and practices of the LDS church.

It is not your obligation to prove why you don't care about the institutional church. Instead, it is the duty and obligation of the LDS church to prove and demonstrate why anyone should pay attention to the church. Why should the LDS church be a compelling force in your life? That's the job of apostles who are special witnesses of the name of Christ. It's also ostensibly the job of the army of missionaries that is sent out across the globe. You have no regard for them and I would say that is a healthy attitude going forward.

But, I have to ask how far the apathy extends in your own life. Is there anything that you are excited about? What will you do with your mortality now that you have retained ownership of it? Is there a better philosophy for you? Is there an activity that is a better use of your time? Those are better questions to ask yourself.

User avatar
MalcolmVillager
Posts: 570
Joined: Mon Oct 31, 2016 8:01 pm

Re: I Just Don't...Care

Post by MalcolmVillager » Thu Oct 11, 2018 7:46 pm

Ignorance (I dont know) and apathy (I dont care) have long been the blamed causes for disaffection. I personally find that it is knowing too much and caring too much. That comes first, then broken shelves and broken hearts. This proceeds the apathy. Pavlov termed this learned helplessness. (Look it up, it is fascinatingly applicable to the Mormon faith crisis as family and community straps us down to the electrified floor boards.

Welcome back.

User avatar
RubinHighlander
Posts: 852
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2016 7:20 am
Location: Behind the Zion Curtain

Re: I Just Don't...Care

Post by RubinHighlander » Fri Oct 12, 2018 8:05 am

Kyle, I'm just making a guess here, but it sounds to me like the apathy with the church is weighing you down and diminishing your overall happiness. If you still have to be involved with it, but you are apathetic toward it, that looks like drudgery to me. When I was a TBM, I often felt that way, but kept running on the gerbil wheel because of the guilt and fear. I remember that pit in my stomach I'd often have on Saturday night, dreading going to church the next day or having to setup the AV for another fireside or webcast.

My path out of the church started with cogdis over many of my close and respected friends getting out, which led to my own investigation. One of my friends didn't care about any of the dogma or historical issues. When he was put into a bishopric he really hit the wall with how they treated everyone like children and all the useless meetings. After a couple of years he'd had enough and just quit going. His wife and kids are still in but he found a way to live a better life but still be a great husband and father to them. They still have that friction, but he's much happier now. I'm lucky enough that my DW got out soon after I did.

One thing I did to help convince me it was the right thing to leave the church was to run an experiment for a few months. When not at church with my DW I would think and behave like the church was BS, that it didn't matter and I lived and acted like that. I didn't pay tithing, didn't pray, etc. There was no more angel or devil on my shoulders. The only thing I held onto was a basic altruistic view of life, being a good husband and father kind to others, not for any heavenly reward, just because it was the right thing to do. I'd have an occasional beer with friends, swear if I felt like it, etc. Then I tried to make honest observations about where my happiness with life was, whether there seemed to be any more good or bad happening. When I discovered I was less stressed and more happy I then took a deeper dive into the historical and truth claim facts and quickly found truth. Even my DW noticed I was happier and a better father. I've never regretted my decision and I'm so relieved I got out! I just wish I had done it years ago.

I don't know if this helps you, but my advice is to take action and choose a path out of the apathy you are in and onto a happier state of mind. Life is too precious and awesome to waist on a gerbil wheel or plugged into a matrix making $$ for some multi-billion corporation that offers nothing real in return.
“Sir,' I said to the universe, 'I exist.' 'That,' said the universe, 'creates no sense of obligation in me whatsoever.”
--Douglas Adams

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzmYP3PbfXE

User avatar
MalcolmVillager
Posts: 570
Joined: Mon Oct 31, 2016 8:01 pm

Re: I Just Don't...Care

Post by MalcolmVillager » Wed Oct 17, 2018 7:19 pm

RubinHighlander wrote:
Fri Oct 12, 2018 8:05 am
Kyle, I'm just making a guess here, but it sounds to me like the apathy with the church is weighing you down and diminishing your overall happiness. If you still have to be involved with it, but you are apathetic toward it, that looks like drudgery to me. When I was a TBM, I often felt that way, but kept running on the gerbil wheel because of the guilt and fear. I remember that pit in my stomach I'd often have on Saturday night, dreading going to church the next day or having to setup the AV for another fireside or webcast.

My path out of the church started with cogdis over many of my close and respected friends getting out, which led to my own investigation. One of my friends didn't care about any of the dogma or historical issues. When he was put into a bishopric he really hit the wall with how they treated everyone like children and all the useless meetings. After a couple of years he'd had enough and just quit going. His wife and kids are still in but he found a way to live a better life but still be a great husband and father to them. They still have that friction, but he's much happier now. I'm lucky enough that my DW got out soon after I did.

One thing I did to help convince me it was the right thing to leave the church was to run an experiment for a few months. When not at church with my DW I would think and behave like the church was BS, that it didn't matter and I lived and acted like that. I didn't pay tithing, didn't pray, etc. There was no more angel or devil on my shoulders. The only thing I held onto was a basic altruistic view of life, being a good husband and father kind to others, not for any heavenly reward, just because it was the right thing to do. I'd have an occasional beer with friends, swear if I felt like it, etc. Then I tried to make honest observations about where my happiness with life was, whether there seemed to be any more good or bad happening. When I discovered I was less stressed and more happy I then took a deeper dive into the historical and truth claim facts and quickly found truth. Even my DW noticed I was happier and a better father. I've never regretted my decision and I'm so relieved I got out! I just wish I had done it years ago.

I don't know if this helps you, but my advice is to take action and choose a path out of the apathy you are in and onto a happier state of mind. Life is too precious and awesome to waist on a gerbil wheel or plugged into a matrix making $$ for some multi-billion corporation that offers nothing real in return.
Great advice. I wish I had the balls to take it. Maybe next year.

User avatar
Just This Guy
Posts: 448
Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 3:30 pm
Location: Almost Heaven

Re: I Just Don't...Care

Post by Just This Guy » Wed Oct 17, 2018 7:52 pm

This sounds a bit like the start of my faith journey. I had 6 callings in the church at the time in addition to a very young family and a stressful job. I was simply burnt out. It got to the point where you just start going numb on a lot of things. Almost selective caring. You can only put out so much effort, so you chose what to care about and what not to and the church was one of the first things to go.

It took me a while to figure thigns out, but eventually I had to start making cuts in life. I assessed my priorities and what I deemed to be important, and concentrated on those. Church was one of the things to go. So I stopped going. It took some adjusting, but it helped. I found I had a lot less stress in my life by being inactive. I was able to focus on my family more. I was in a better mood overall and happier.

Take a look at your life and see what is important and what is not. If you are numb to the church, evaluate what it really means to you. If it is not something that you have to do and if it does not make you happy, then it may be something that you would be better off without it in your life.
"The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." -- Douglas Adams

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests