Just popping in, again.
Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2018 10:54 pm
Hey all,
Turns out I quite miss you all. This was and continues to be a great place to land after the rug gets pulled out from under you. I thought I would pop in and say hello.
I moved to Nevada a few months ago. Life is good here. Tahoe is close and it is beautiful if you can look past all the people. The Sierras are also beautiful if you can look past all the smoke. The Great Basin desert is beautiful, and there is nothing to obscure its view, which is half the charm. I was doing fish management in Arizona, now I do sage grouse stuff and land use mitigation for the Department of Agriculture. Its a pretty good gig.
I ripped the band aid off the other day and said goodbye to the church on facebook. I did it mainly to flush out how many of my facebook friends would contact me to say they also have had a similar experience. Turns out that 11 people have. I was able to provide some "don't do this" type of advice. It gave me a weird sense of closure as well. I had continued to attend church with Dmower, and it was getting worse with time, not better. I had been honest with the last 2 bishops, refused all callings. However, with this last move I announced it to the EQ as well. They introduced me and asked me to tell a little about myself. I told them that I was going to take some liberties with that opportunity because I had learned it was best to let the cat out of the bag early. The EQ presidents face was panic stricken as I told them all that I had apostatized, didn't believe in anything, was just here for my wife, and to please not feel awkward if they saw me in the grocery store buying coffee and a six pack. There were crickets afterward. I thought maybe it would win me points for being "the cool guy," but no, it just made everybody pretty nervous I think.
After a few weeks, I wondered what the point was in me being there? It was ruining Sat. Sun. and Mon. for the whole family as I would dread it on Sat, it would make me mad to hear stuff I didn't like on Sunday, and I would still be at a simmer on Monday. Dmower and I talked about it and I quit going. I am not going to lie, it was wonderful. I was trying to do the supportive thing, be there for the kids and the wife, and the members in AZ really gave me props for that. But leaving for good, and posting about it on social media gave me a closure and acceptance that I have changed, and that it is time to accept it. I have gone church hopping. I am not looking for faith, if I found a cool community I would count myself lucky, but I am more interested in experiencing religion in a way that I never have before. In an academic way, a curious way. I have read several book about the evolution of God in Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, and a few texts on early Christian history, as well as a whole audio course given by the Yale divinity school about the old testament that someone on here mentioned in some thread. This has given me a fascination, with the fascination with God that we have as a species, and going to a different faith every week is super interesting. So far Presbyterian is most familiar, Episcopalian is least familiar, and evangelical non-denominational are the most outwardly friendly, although it feels a little too motivated by Jesus. I need to figure out how to get involved in a community somewhere, because that is really what I miss the most, along with most other Mormons who leave. I will figure it out at some point.
Dmower continues to be the kindest best person I could have married. She still goes, teaches primary, values it, but buys me coffee as well. She does not buy into most of the hardcore stuff anymore. I dont want to speak for her because she may still lurk here from time to time, but I dont think she buys into the larger church as a whole much anymore. She was affected by a person on the "another testament of marriage" facebook group who posted about engaging with the church on a local level and not giving a rip about the church on a larger level. She understands the inherent problems with that ideal, but she still tries and is largely successful. I try to engage her less about it as I come to grips with my transition.
Thanks for being here for me when I needed it most. I have taken a good break, and it has been great for me. I may pop in more often now, as I am over the hump. I recommend getting away from it all when you need a 10,000 ft. view. It helped me free up some bandwidth.
Turns out I quite miss you all. This was and continues to be a great place to land after the rug gets pulled out from under you. I thought I would pop in and say hello.
I moved to Nevada a few months ago. Life is good here. Tahoe is close and it is beautiful if you can look past all the people. The Sierras are also beautiful if you can look past all the smoke. The Great Basin desert is beautiful, and there is nothing to obscure its view, which is half the charm. I was doing fish management in Arizona, now I do sage grouse stuff and land use mitigation for the Department of Agriculture. Its a pretty good gig.
I ripped the band aid off the other day and said goodbye to the church on facebook. I did it mainly to flush out how many of my facebook friends would contact me to say they also have had a similar experience. Turns out that 11 people have. I was able to provide some "don't do this" type of advice. It gave me a weird sense of closure as well. I had continued to attend church with Dmower, and it was getting worse with time, not better. I had been honest with the last 2 bishops, refused all callings. However, with this last move I announced it to the EQ as well. They introduced me and asked me to tell a little about myself. I told them that I was going to take some liberties with that opportunity because I had learned it was best to let the cat out of the bag early. The EQ presidents face was panic stricken as I told them all that I had apostatized, didn't believe in anything, was just here for my wife, and to please not feel awkward if they saw me in the grocery store buying coffee and a six pack. There were crickets afterward. I thought maybe it would win me points for being "the cool guy," but no, it just made everybody pretty nervous I think.
After a few weeks, I wondered what the point was in me being there? It was ruining Sat. Sun. and Mon. for the whole family as I would dread it on Sat, it would make me mad to hear stuff I didn't like on Sunday, and I would still be at a simmer on Monday. Dmower and I talked about it and I quit going. I am not going to lie, it was wonderful. I was trying to do the supportive thing, be there for the kids and the wife, and the members in AZ really gave me props for that. But leaving for good, and posting about it on social media gave me a closure and acceptance that I have changed, and that it is time to accept it. I have gone church hopping. I am not looking for faith, if I found a cool community I would count myself lucky, but I am more interested in experiencing religion in a way that I never have before. In an academic way, a curious way. I have read several book about the evolution of God in Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, and a few texts on early Christian history, as well as a whole audio course given by the Yale divinity school about the old testament that someone on here mentioned in some thread. This has given me a fascination, with the fascination with God that we have as a species, and going to a different faith every week is super interesting. So far Presbyterian is most familiar, Episcopalian is least familiar, and evangelical non-denominational are the most outwardly friendly, although it feels a little too motivated by Jesus. I need to figure out how to get involved in a community somewhere, because that is really what I miss the most, along with most other Mormons who leave. I will figure it out at some point.
Dmower continues to be the kindest best person I could have married. She still goes, teaches primary, values it, but buys me coffee as well. She does not buy into most of the hardcore stuff anymore. I dont want to speak for her because she may still lurk here from time to time, but I dont think she buys into the larger church as a whole much anymore. She was affected by a person on the "another testament of marriage" facebook group who posted about engaging with the church on a local level and not giving a rip about the church on a larger level. She understands the inherent problems with that ideal, but she still tries and is largely successful. I try to engage her less about it as I come to grips with my transition.
Thanks for being here for me when I needed it most. I have taken a good break, and it has been great for me. I may pop in more often now, as I am over the hump. I recommend getting away from it all when you need a 10,000 ft. view. It helped me free up some bandwidth.
