Part of Why I'm Out and Why I Still Apologize

This is for encouragement, ideas, and support for people going through a faith transition no matter where you hope to end up. This is also the place to laugh, cry, and love together.
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Zack Tacorin Dos
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Part of Why I'm Out and Why I Still Apologize

Post by Zack Tacorin Dos » Fri Oct 12, 2018 8:08 am

Oaks’s talk really got to me. I know the church isn’t true, it’s all lie and I don’t believe his homophobic bullshit came from god but it’s still hard. It’s hard being a LGBT youth in the church, knowing that your family and friends all support this monster and take what he says as doctrine.
...
Most of my friends are judgmental and kinda toxic to be around. I just feel used and worn out. That’s why I tried to end my life last night. I thought I would just never wake up, but here I am. I now realize that it was a mistake.
(https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comme ... d_my_life/)
I'm so glad this young person is okay for now, but it sickens me that I used to support an organization like the LDS Church and the authority of men who spew such vitriol as Oaks. I'm sorry. I wasn't a basher, but I wasn't an ally either. I'm sorry that my WASP, cisgen, hetero-normative, Melchizedek priesthood wielding privilege blinded me to the suffering of my LGBTQIA siblings. I'm sorry that the LDS Church's hateful policies against LGBTQIA were not the things that opened my eyes to the fact that Mormonism is not what it claims. I cannot fully understand the pain you have suffered/suffer. I only have an inkling of what that must be like, but that inkling is enough to make me shudder. You are braver than I have ever been. You inspire me.

Some might be thinking there's no need to apologize because I was ignorant back then. The thing is, like a recovering addict, I'm a recovering Mormon. My neverMo relatives thought it was funny when I made this comparison of my recovery, and I think it is too, but it's also true. In my recovery from Mormonism, I need to own what I did. It brings me no joy to admit that I was responsible to some level, but it does bring me joy to know that owning this is a step in moving on and becoming a better person.

Forever your ally,
Zack

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MoPag
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Re: Part of Why I'm Out and Why I Still Apologize

Post by MoPag » Fri Oct 12, 2018 9:14 am

That was beautiful Zack!!

For me, a big part of being NOM is being an ally.
Ally.png
Ally.png (82.39 KiB) Viewed 286 times
...walked eye-deep in hell
believing in old men’s lies...--Ezra Pound

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RubinHighlander
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Re: Part of Why I'm Out and Why I Still Apologize

Post by RubinHighlander » Fri Oct 12, 2018 10:14 am

A Fing Men Zack!

No pun intended there.

I've made a similar apology to my kids, especially my gay middle daughter, who went through this $hit as a teen. I was not a basher, but did play the role of TBM peter priesthood. I never knew she was gay until after she left home and went out of state to college, but a lot of awkward moments and emotional issues of the past made more sense when I found out. Even though I was still TBM when she came out I was very accepting and made it very clear that I would never judge her or vote for any prop that was against her choice in lifestyle or preference or whatever you want to call it. It was long after that I was out of the church and I was so glad to have that crap behind me and no longer have that point of friction.

My name is Rubin Highlander and I'm a recovering ex-member of the LDS church. Being a member of that cult for over 40 years has had deep and lasting negative impact on who I am and I hope to fully recover from it. I've made great progress the past 4 years. I apologize to any an all humans I may have influenced to join or stay active in that cult. I wish I could have found my way out of it much sooner in my life. I forgive my parents for raising me in it. I don't forgive Joseph Smith, his family and all their cronies for starting it. I don't forgive all the old men after them who claimed and currently claim to talk to God and bilk millions off dollars from their followers and continue to perpetuate that absolute bull$hit!
“Sir,' I said to the universe, 'I exist.' 'That,' said the universe, 'creates no sense of obligation in me whatsoever.”
--Douglas Adams

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wtfluff
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Re: Part of Why I'm Out and Why I Still Apologize

Post by wtfluff » Fri Oct 12, 2018 11:40 am

Excellent post Zack.

I have many of the same thoughts and emotions often. I'm not capable of putting it into words they way you did though.

Like many things having to do with having the worldview of the majority of my life obliterated, I don't know how to make up for the bigotry that my family's "religion" shoved down my throat from birth. Does posting semi-anonymously on internet-message-board-thingy's count?

My children are definitely accepting of their LGBT friends and neighbors, and I have attempted to let them know that those kids have a safe place in our home should they ever need it. I guess I need to try and emphasize that more whenever possible.
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

Keep the company of those who seek the truth - run from those who have found it -Václav Havel

Who taught you how to hate?

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Zack Tacorin Dos
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Re: Part of Why I'm Out and Why I Still Apologize

Post by Zack Tacorin Dos » Sat Oct 13, 2018 9:27 am

Rubin H - Way to be there for your daughter! Maybe it wasn't perfect, at first, but you're there bro. That's priceless.

WTFluff - "Does posting semi-anonymously on internet-message-board-thingy's count [as making up for your Mormonism]?" For what it's worth, you're one of those who have helped me out here at NOM, so yeah, I think it counts. I've thought about this idea of making up for the bad parts of my Mormonism. I try to take the good I learned during my Mormon journey, leave the bad, and move on living a good life. The principles of repentance are still important to me. Not the bad, beat-myself-up, I'm not good enough ever, kind of repentance too often encouraged in Mormonism; but I want to be better and, like you, make up for some of the harm I may have dished out. There are so many opportunities to serve, but your idea of letting it be known that your home is a safe and that you are a safe person is an idea that really seems important (especially here in the Moridor). What have you done to do this? Do you wear stuff like MoPag's Ally pin?

There have just gotta be so many people suffering because they feel so alone. Any NOMies with experience putting it out there that you and your home are a safe place? Any LGBTQIA NOMies out there that could share what made them feels safe, or would have?

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2bizE
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Re: Part of Why I'm Out and Why I Still Apologize

Post by 2bizE » Sat Oct 13, 2018 12:50 pm

I had a TBM coworker ask me if I was Mormon several months ago. I told her I was Mormonish. She proceeded to tell me about her family and kids who are all TBM except for one daughter who is married outside the temple to a nice guy that drinks beer. Apparently, she does too. She loves them, but doesn’t seem to have the respect for them as the other kids.
Anyway, baby steps for me.
~2bizE

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wtfluff
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Re: Part of Why I'm Out and Why I Still Apologize

Post by wtfluff » Sun Oct 14, 2018 12:17 am

Zack Tacorin Dos wrote:
Sat Oct 13, 2018 9:27 am
What have you done to do this? Do you wear stuff like MoPag's Ally pin?
I don't do anything outward like a pin or anything, but I would love to. I don't remember the last time I wore a tie, but if I were to attend an LDS-Inc. meeting, I'd make the sacrifice to wear a rainbow tie. Maybe rainbow socks? An ally pin would work too. I'll have to keep my eyes open.

As I mentioned in the post, I've made sure that my kids know that their LGBT friends have a safe place in our home, that's the extent of what I've done.
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

Keep the company of those who seek the truth - run from those who have found it -Václav Havel

Who taught you how to hate?

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