What's the shelf life of a NOM?

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What's the shelf life of a NOM?

One month for every year in the church?
7
17%
One month for every $1,000 of tithing?
1
2%
One year for every testimony issue?
2
5%
Waiting for spouse to follow?
9
21%
Waiting for parents to pass?
5
12%
Mormonism is my hobby!
3
7%
NOM 4 Life!
5
12%
What does NOM really mean anyway?
6
14%
I'm just here for the donuts while I sort through my internet addiction!
4
10%
 
Total votes: 42

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Red Ryder
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What's the shelf life of a NOM?

Post by Red Ryder » Fri Nov 09, 2018 1:26 pm

Why do some people process quickly and move on while others seem to stay stuck in limbo forever?
Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

aoirselvar
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Re: What's the shelf life of a NOM?

Post by aoirselvar » Fri Nov 09, 2018 1:45 pm

Red Ryder wrote:Why do some people process quickly and move on while others seem to stay stuck in limbo forever?
Oh man, I’ve been in the process basically my whole life. For me, I’m still physically in, but mentally out. So, I guess I’m still in the process. I think the fear of rejection has made me drag my feet. The Mormon life is so all encompassing to the point where it’s a real challenge to mentally detach from the community. Especially with good friends and such. I’m only now starting to be a little more open about my disbelief.


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MerrieMiss
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Re: What's the shelf life of a NOM?

Post by MerrieMiss » Fri Nov 09, 2018 2:04 pm

aoirselvar wrote:
Fri Nov 09, 2018 1:45 pm
Red Ryder wrote:Why do some people process quickly and move on while others seem to stay stuck in limbo forever?
Oh man, I’ve been in the process basically my whole life.
This is it. Mormonism made me unhappy ever since I can remember. I believed it, but I was unhappy. I wonder if perhaps I just don't know how not to be unhappy. I mean, what would life look like if I could let go? Who would I be? What would I do? It seems like I'm addicted to unhealthy relationships - first to the church as a believer and now as a non-believer.
The true opposite of order is not disorder but freedom. Most profoundly, the true opposite of control is not chaos but self-control. -Jay Griffiths

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GoodBoy
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Re: What's the shelf life of a NOM?

Post by GoodBoy » Fri Nov 09, 2018 2:08 pm

Red Ryder wrote:
Fri Nov 09, 2018 1:26 pm
Why do some people process quickly and move on while others seem to stay stuck in limbo forever?
Good question! I have some hypotheses however... People who tend to stay as a NOM tend to:
* Not be black-and-white thinkers.
* Have little difficulty fitting into church culture.
* Have friends and family who are not going to come out.
* Largely because of the above, don't think the church is more bad than good.
Always been the good kid, but I wanted to know more, and to find and test truth.

aoirselvar
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Re: What's the shelf life of a NOM?

Post by aoirselvar » Fri Nov 09, 2018 2:37 pm

GoodBoy wrote:
Red Ryder wrote:
Fri Nov 09, 2018 1:26 pm
Why do some people process quickly and move on while others seem to stay stuck in limbo forever?
* Have friends and family who are not going to come out.
This is me for sure. It’s challenging not to roll my eyes a ton during fast and testimony meetings. But I know that to the most part the people at church are genuine and are trying their best with the information they have. I can’t blame them too much for not wanting to be open minded, they have been properly manipulated to not have inquisitive minds.


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græy
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Re: What's the shelf life of a NOM?

Post by græy » Fri Nov 09, 2018 3:15 pm

One month for every $1,000 of tithing?
Don't do the math.... Don't do the math.... Don't do the math.... :evil:
One month for every year in the church?
Three months to go!
Waiting for spouse to follow?
This is me. Probably at least several years left.
I'm better than dirt... well most dirt. Not that fancy store bought stuff, I can't compete with that... full of nutrients and everything. -Moe Sizlack

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The Beast
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Re: What's the shelf life of a NOM?

Post by The Beast » Fri Nov 09, 2018 5:11 pm

I lasted about 8 years still in mostly because I didn't want to hurt my parents. Then my wife caught up, we quit attending, and I had to tell my TBM family. They've been pretty OK about it. Mostly we pretend that my non-attendingness non-believingness doesn't exist. How very Mormon of us (aw snap! just handed ol' scratch another "W").
Are you on the square? Are you on the level?

Wonderment
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Re: What's the shelf life of a NOM?

Post by Wonderment » Fri Nov 09, 2018 8:03 pm

Perhaps it depends upon the amount of spiritual abuse that was suffered. I knew from the age of about 6 years old that I could never fit in, could never conform and believe the doctrine. I was shamed pretty badly for it by devout family members. I wasn't a bad kid, but my grandmother thought I was. She was terribly disappointed with me and let me know that I would never live up to her expectations.
After my grandmother passed, the pressure on the family lessened to some degree; and other devout family members, like my aunt ( my grandmother's youngest daughter) tended to drift away from the dogma.
I don't think the abuse or the pressure to believe will ever leave my memory. So I'm here to do what I can to support and encourage anyone who is going through a faith transition.
Also, I think a lot of people here have great personalities and are really fun cyber-friends. :) - Wndr.

Anon70
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Re: What's the shelf life of a NOM?

Post by Anon70 » Sat Nov 10, 2018 1:15 am

The Beast wrote:
Fri Nov 09, 2018 5:11 pm
I lasted about 8 years still in mostly because I didn't want to hurt my parents. Then my wife caught up, we quit attending, and I had to tell my TBM family. They've been pretty OK about it. Mostly we pretend that my non-attendingness non-believingness doesn't exist. How very Mormon of us (aw snap! just handed ol' scratch another "W").
8 years! Although I’m at about 4 and I don’t see an end for another 5ish. But I don’t see DH catching up. Happy for you though!

aoirselvar
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Re: What's the shelf life of a NOM?

Post by aoirselvar » Sat Nov 10, 2018 6:45 am

Anon70 wrote:
The Beast wrote:
Fri Nov 09, 2018 5:11 pm
8 years! Although I’m at about 4 and I don’t see an end for another 5ish. But I don’t see DH catching up. Happy for you though!
Yeah, I don’t see my DW catching up anytime soon either. We had a chat about it last night. She has let me know if I get too anti- or angry then this marriage thing isn’t going to work. At the same time she’s not completely freaking out with my lack of testimony around the WoW, but she’s worried that I’ll now become a lush. Things are a little tentative and rocky for us right now.


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Anon70
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Re: What's the shelf life of a NOM?

Post by Anon70 » Sat Nov 10, 2018 8:15 am

aoirselvar wrote:
Sat Nov 10, 2018 6:45 am
Anon70 wrote:
The Beast wrote:
Fri Nov 09, 2018 5:11 pm
8 years! Although I’m at about 4 and I don’t see an end for another 5ish. But I don’t see DH catching up. Happy for you though!
Yeah, I don’t see my DW catching up anytime soon either. We had a chat about it last night. She has let me know if I get too anti- or angry then this marriage thing isn’t going to work. At the same time she’s not completely freaking out with my lack of testimony around the WoW, but she’s worried that I’ll now become a lush. Things are a little tentative and rocky for us right now.


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My DH thought my faith crisis meant I wanted a divorce. Seeing that nothing has changed for me in regards to him or our family (or sheesh me being a good person) has helped him have perspective over the 4 years. So as I slowly stopped certain things (garments, 100% attendance, scripture study) he was able to handle it. The advice here to go slow was the best advice I ever took.

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alas
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Re: What's the shelf life of a NOM?

Post by alas » Sat Nov 10, 2018 9:14 am

Well, I don’t think DH is going to join me, and like wonderment, I kind of hang around to help others and because I like the discussions. Still paying tithing, well, my husband pays for both of us, so if I go by that I am stuck here for life. And lets’s see, number of testimony issues, oh gosh, if I stay one month each, then I am here forever. Is amount of abuse inversely or positively correlated? One would think those with serious abuse would run like crazy, but then again, they have lots more to process. And if it is time to process, then I am also stuck here for a long time.

Bottom line for me, I think the Mormon feminist issues have become a bit of a hobby and I spend more time on the feminist blogs than I do NOM, and I go to some believing but progressive blogs. The only place I don’t go are the angry exMo discussions. So, who knows.

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crossmyheart
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Re: What's the shelf life of a NOM?

Post by crossmyheart » Sat Nov 10, 2018 10:29 am

6 years in and still here.

I started with By Common Consent and FMh but rarely browse anything but NOM and some Reddit.

I have pretty much transitioned completely to ex-mormon lifestyle. No church, no g's, occasional glass of wine... But can't submit my resignation until my mom is gone and my DH walks a fine line between TBM and NOM.

So here I stay.

aoirselvar
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Re: What's the shelf life of a NOM?

Post by aoirselvar » Sat Nov 10, 2018 10:33 am

alas wrote:Well, I don’t think DH is going to join me, and like wonderment, I kind of hang around to help others and because I like the discussions. Still paying tithing, well, my husband pays for both of us, so if I go by that I am stuck here for life. And lets’s see, number of testimony issues, oh gosh, if I stay one month each, then I am here forever. Is amount of abuse inversely or positively correlated? One would think those with serious abuse would run like crazy, but then again, they have lots more to process. And if it is time to process, then I am also stuck here for a long time.

Bottom line for me, I think the Mormon feminist issues have become a bit of a hobby and I spend more time on the feminist blogs than I do NOM, and I go to some believing but progressive blogs. The only place I don’t go are the angry exMo discussions. So, who knows.
My DW and I have come to an agreement that we’ll pay 5% tithing (her half). She doesn’t work, but I’ve always said our whole marriage that it’s our money, not mine. She called me out on that when I stated that I don’t want to pay tithing any more. So that’s our compromise now.

I’m to the point as for blogs and such that I am only on exmo or NOM stuff. Maybe I should read less of the angry exmo stuff because I am finding myself resenting my DW and feeling a little trapped. But maybe I’m moving too fast.


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wtfluff
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Re: What's the shelf life of a NOM?

Post by wtfluff » Sat Nov 10, 2018 12:13 pm

Red Ryder wrote:
Fri Nov 09, 2018 1:26 pm
stuck in limbo forever?
That's me I think.

Fluffy NOM shelf life: Until Fluffy is dead. :|
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

Keep the company of those who seek the truth - run from those who have found it -Václav Havel

Who taught you how to hate?

Arcturus
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Re: What's the shelf life of a NOM?

Post by Arcturus » Sat Nov 10, 2018 1:16 pm

I went through a faith crisis for about 7 months. Then about 3 months as a NOM. Once my DW was on the same page as me in a very short amount of time, we left. *Edit* I was a die hard Mormon. Joseph Fielding Smith, McConkie type Mormon. Lived with exact obedience. Was a borderline zealot when it came to walking the true and narrow - didn't mess around with girls, kept the law of chastity 100% which is rare for a male. When I discovered the truth, it cut me deep. More like stabbed me deep. The church doesn't deserve my nuanced membership and effort to make it a better faith community.

We're about 6 months in to post-Mormon living now. Every week it gets better, I think about the church less and less. Until I get back onto NOM and listen to Mormon-related podcasts :lol:
Last edited by Arcturus on Sat Nov 10, 2018 1:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
“How valuable is a faith that is dependent on the maintenance of ignorance? If faith can only thrive in the absence of the knowledge of its origins, history, and competing theological concepts, then what is it we really have to hold on to?”
D Brisbin

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Hagoth
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Re: What's the shelf life of a NOM?

Post by Hagoth » Sat Nov 10, 2018 1:19 pm

MerrieMiss wrote:
Fri Nov 09, 2018 2:04 pm
Mormonism made me unhappy ever since I can remember. I believed it, but I was unhappy.
Oh man, I know what you're talking about and I wouldn't be surprised if most members, including those who testify every Sunday about how much peace and joy the gospel brings them, feel the same way deep down inside, even if they won't admit it to themselves. Acting like you're not filled with peace and joy, or admitting to yourself that you're not, would break the magic spell that gets you into third level heaven.

Example: I love science but it kept leading me down paths of conflicting thoughts and cognitive dissonance, so I basically quit learning new stuff for years. I felt shackled and oppressed, even though I would never admit it or even allow myself to recognize it. Almost the instant my shelf broke I started reading everything and watching documentaries like I was just realizing for the first time that there is something out there beyond the stake boundaries. The world went from flat to round and it was raining information.

Just look at how joyously the shortened meeting block was received by the membership. Would Game of Thrones fans have been overjoyed if halfway through the series HBO announced that they were going to cut the episodes by 20 minutes?
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

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Red Ryder
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Re: What's the shelf life of a NOM?

Post by Red Ryder » Sat Nov 10, 2018 2:02 pm

Arcturus wrote:
Sat Nov 10, 2018 1:16 pm
... didn't mess around with girls, kept the law of chastity 100% which is rare for a male.
Are you referring to "no other sexual relations other than your legally and lawfully married (opposite sex) spouse" as explained in the temple? Or are you referring to masturbation?
Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

Arcturus
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Re: What's the shelf life of a NOM?

Post by Arcturus » Sat Nov 10, 2018 5:00 pm

Red Ryder wrote:
Sat Nov 10, 2018 2:02 pm
Arcturus wrote:
Sat Nov 10, 2018 1:16 pm
... didn't mess around with girls, kept the law of chastity 100% which is rare for a male.
Are you referring to "no other sexual relations other than your legally and lawfully married (opposite sex) spouse" as explained in the temple? Or are you referring to masturbation?
The latter. I was a hard core Mormon.
“How valuable is a faith that is dependent on the maintenance of ignorance? If faith can only thrive in the absence of the knowledge of its origins, history, and competing theological concepts, then what is it we really have to hold on to?”
D Brisbin

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