NOM

I have noticed recently that my former best friend has distanced himself from me. I am pretty sure it is because he knows that I am no longer a believer. This hurts because I miss that friendship. I do understand though, because even as an unbeliever I am still hesitant to befriend other unbelievers (except virtually through nom etc.) much due to the stress it might put on my family. Do you guys feel this way or have you had a similar experience? How have you dealt with these former friendships so that you are not always thinking about it and getting depressed over it?

Thanks in advance for your responses.

It's hurtful when a friend distances himself/herself over a church issue. I think this happens a lot because TBM's become fearful of associating with non-believers who might cause the TBM to question his/her own faith. As former believers, we tend to blame ourselves ( or at least I do), wondering what we could do to re-kindle the friendship in a way that is not based on religion or church attendance.

If you feel comfortable approaching him, you could ask him about his recent distancing behavior and convey the thought that you still value his friendship. Sometimes this method of reaching out is helpful, and the friend can feel assured that you are not rejecting his friendship, you are moving through a faith transition. It depends on the level of the friendship. If you and he shared mutual interest in a sport or hobby, you could suggest that you could keep in touch with activities based around that activity. For example, if you did hiking, biking, sports, video games, etc., you could still spend time pursuing those interests.

Sometimes, the person who stays at church can feel abandoned by the person who chooses not to attend any longer. Maybe you can reassure him that your departure from church was about your own beliefs and not about him. It all depends on what feels most comfortable to you.
Loss of friendship can be painful. Best wishes to you, and please keep us posted. -- Wndr.

Just keep calling, texting, or visiting their home. Sooner or later they will come to terms that your friendship is meaningful.

You know, like Stan!

https://youtu.be/aSLZFdqwh7E

I think wonderment’s advice is spot on.

Thanks for your responses Wonderment and Red Ryder! I will have to look at the video a little closer some time. Anyway, it seems that sometimes I tend to blow things out of proportion when it comes to relationships post faith transition. I reconnected and said that I wasn't on his blacklist it was just that he has been struggling with some anxiety. I told him that I would be happy to help him in anyway that I could if needed. But still once our viewpoints on religion have changed then there still may be some hesitation. Kind of like politics. I have a couple of family members who are anti-vaxers and there has been a little rift over that I suppose.

Stuck, I'm glad to hear that you reconnected ! Even if things are not the same, it still helps to relieve anxiety when you are in contact with someone who can provide clarification about what is going on.
This past Christmas, I reached out to a high school friend whom I have not seen in decades. She hasn't replied yet, but even if she doesn't acknowledge my contact, I still feel a sense of closure knowing that I contacted her in recognition of our friendship. -- Wndr.

After telling my group of friends that I no longer believed what the church taught I found that my connections with TBMs were less meaningful. There is always a wedge between us, and it sucks. But I have tried with some success to continue connecting around the things we still have in common like sports and games. It's not the same and I don't expect it ever will be, but I think it is better than nothing.

One or both of you may need a bit more distance than you used to have, but you can still have a mutually beneficial relationship in spite of that.