NOM

http://www.sltrib.com/home/4785505-155/ ... lson-takes

They been somewhat quiet for a while. Let's hope this is a good one!

Maybe he'll follow the Hawaii example and tell us what has been revealed to President Monson, even though Monson himself is either silent about or unaware of his own prophecies. Elder Nelson seems to have somehow become the mouthpiece of the mouthpiece of God.

I don't get it.

He sends out a tweet telling them to read two verses from the D&C? First of all, who follows these 90+ year old men on Twitter? Second, why not just add a side note on the fireside broadcast announcement that says "Please read D&C 83: 43-45 prior to attending". The church must really think they are cool by having the prophets and apostles tweeting, snap chatting, and Face booking. Or perhaps it's the PR dept doing it for their behalf. I just picture Elder Gong in front of the Q15 explaining what Twitter and Facebook are.

Elder Gong: ok guys please pull out your cell phones.

Elder Packer: pulls out his Motorola flip phone, extends the antenna with his teeth, and starts to type up a text using the number keypad.

Elder Uchdorf: pulls out his iPhone 7, clears his throat, and says to Siri, "Tweet the following message to my followers, "An airplane is like zay fine vimmon, you must gently pull up onza throttle and bring up the nose of da plane if you vant to land in her runway and make eternal babies!" But first you need clearance to land from the temple marriage tower. Roger dat?"

President Monson: When I was a home teacher to widow Sister Stevens, she made the best ham samiches! Anyone got a ham samich?

Elder Bednar: pulls out his iPhone 4 and takes a selfie ensuring his hair is perfectly combed. Then calls his secretary to ask him to post something to Bednars Facebook account. While on the phone he gently asks his secretary to remind him of Sister Bednar's name. He then corrects his text and avoids calling her by her new name.

Elder Gong: shaking his head in disappointment while avoiding Elder Oakes homosexual status inquiries, is saved by the recess bell. Class dismissed!

I'm not going to sleep tonight with all of that Elder Nelson anticipation swirling through my head.

RR - you're either a natural comedian or need help. Either way that's hilarious !

Funny. When I read that article when it came out I thought the same thing.
He will prophesy that they will start frequent interviews for BYU students to ensure they believe in the Q15 as PSR....

In other words, the words that proceedeth forth from his mouth. It's fun to play god, no?

The cynical masochist in me would enjoy a live, online NOM session of realtime critiques. We didn't have the new site available during the last GC.

As Elder RR suggests, it would have been fun to watch their discussion of iPhones and Tweets. I'd almost pay money to see Nelson actually learn how to do that. Actually, they can just deduct those dollars from the thousands I paid into the MLM Fraudulent Tithing scheme.

I will patiently await the Word From God broadcast tomorrow. Somehow it seems a bit like Al Haig's famous (but premature) announcement that he was the one in charge back when Reagan was shot: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUKW0fL-OqY

Red Ryder wrote:
Elder Packer: pulls out his Motorola flip phone, extends the antenna with his teeth, and starts to type up a text using the number keypad.

Elder Uchdorf: pulls out his iPhone 7, clears his throat, and says to Siri, "Tweet the following message to my followers, "An airplane is like zay fine vimmon, you must gently pull up onza throttle and bring up the nose of da plane if you vant to land in her runway and make eternal babies!" But first you need clearance to land from the temple marriage tower. Roger dat?"

President Monson: When I was a home teacher to widow Sister Stevens, she made the best ham samiches! Anyone got a ham samich?

Elder Bednar: pulls out his iPhone 4 and takes a selfie ensuring his hair is perfectly combed. Then calls his secretary to ask him to post something to Bednars Facebook account. While on the phone he gently asks his secretary to remind him of Sister Bednar's name. He then corrects his text and avoids calling her by her new name.

OMG can't stop laughing!!!

What kind of phones do the others have?

I bet Elder Hales still has a Nokia because he is secretly addicted to the snake game.

Elder Anderson has a rose gold IPhone 7. He said he didn't order the rose gold and it was a mistake at the store. But now Elder Oaks is having his secretly followed by junior members of the 70 just to make sure he's not a part of the homosexual agenda.

Elder Christofferson doesn't have a testimony of cell phones anymore. His phone kept mysteriously switching to Swedish and he would have to humbly ask Elder Renlund to switch it back for him. What he didn't know is that it was really Elder Renlund switching it all along. Renlund has always been jealous of Christofferson's thick, silver hair.

And Elder Rasband was so excited when he got called to the Q15 because he would finally learn which was the one true cell phone that all of the Brethren used. He had a small crisis of faith when he discovered that they all had different phones. But faithful Elder Rasband decided to doubt his doubts. After much fasting and prayer, he decided the most righteous thing to do was to purchase 11 different phones to match his brethren. He keeps them in and extra scripture bag and relies heavily on the influence of the spirit to decide which phone to use for what purpose.


Silver Girl, I'm up for a live, online NOM session of realtime critiques.

43 And I now give unto you a commandment to beware concerning yourselves, to give diligent heed to the words of eternal life.

44 For you shall live by every word that proceedeth forth from the mouth of God.

45 For the word of the Lord is truth, and whatsoever is truth is light, and whatsoever is light is Spirit, even the Spirit of Jesus Christ.

Allow me to translate (just remember I'm using a SF Giants hat):

"God speaks through me--Got it? Now lose some weight and get married".

Brent wrote:
Allow me to translate (just remember I'm using a SF Giants hat):

"God speaks through me--Got it? Now lose some weight and get married".

Awe.... I really hope it is crazier than that. Like, I hope he is going to make everyone covenant not to use the internet to view non-correlated church info.

I almost lost my coffee out my nose when I read this. Sitting here at Starbucks on a Sunday morning, by myself, laughing hysterically. Welcome Welcome Sabbath Morning.

OK, RR - that was hilarious! You win the internet today .

fh451

My father notified me of it. It will be shown at the Mariott Centre at 6. I'll probably go and riff it MST3K style.

RR and MoPag, you are hilarious!