War in Heaven: The 3rd Party
Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2025 9:09 am
Lucifer:
Proposal: We all love each other and our Father. We all want to spend eternity together as a family. For whatever reason, we need physical bodies. I propose we go to earth, get our bodies and follow the rules without the choice to do wrong. It won't be difficult because there will be no devil or evil spirits to lead us astray. One caveat: I want to be named in the credits.
Result: Lucifer loses the election. He and 1/3 of everybody immediately reorient from their desire to all live together with Heavenly Father and they become evil beyond all description. They go to earth and obsessively focus all of their efforts on enticing people to commit crimes, fight wars, rape, pillage, molest children, etc. etc. As a result the world is a miserable hellhole for most of God's children, and almost no one knows about Jesus and his Oneandonlytruechurch.
Jesus:
Proposal: Nobody will forced to do anything, but they will be coerced by means of a very specific list of exactly what they should and shouldn't do to get back to heaven. This list will change randomly and substantially and pretty much no one will agree on what it contains. But that's ok. I will let the Father kill me for 3 days an then I'll come back as a god. That will erase all of your sins, except that you will still be required to follow that fuzzy list perfectly or all of your sins come back. ALL of the glory to go to the father, but with a few exceptions: You will name your church after me. You will perform all of your ordinances and blessings in my name. You will end every talk and prayer in my name. You will ritualistically eat my flesh and blood weekly, so you can remember to give the honor and glory to me. You will think of yourselves as Christians, but never as Elohimites.
Result: They vote for Jesus, which caused the creation of the devil and evil spirits that pretty much made it impossible to follow, or even know about, the essential list of rules. Families are torn apart. Most people who ever lived never even knew about Jesus. Most people did not adhere to the list of rules. Very few can ever return to the presence of God as Lucifer had originally desired.
Raymond:
Proposal: How about if we all go to earth to get bodies and just do the best we can? We will be tempted to do things wrong and we will screw up from time to time. But here's the thing: whenever we think or do something good, God will send us a really good feeling that will make us want to do and think good things. I mean, really good, like oh, God is real and he's rewarding me right now. Eventually will will just want to do good things and we'll have less desire to do bad things, because you don't get the reward. Some people may be more inclined to lean one way or the other, so when we all come back to God's presence there will be as much counseling as necessary to help bring everybody back into the best state of mind.
Result: Everybody wants to vote for Raymond's plan, but Jesus and Lucifer get really pissed and have it taken off the table. Some people refused to cast a vote. As a result, Raymond and 1/1024 of the host of heaven were cast down to earth where they now inspire people to make YouTube videos about critical thinking.
Proposal: We all love each other and our Father. We all want to spend eternity together as a family. For whatever reason, we need physical bodies. I propose we go to earth, get our bodies and follow the rules without the choice to do wrong. It won't be difficult because there will be no devil or evil spirits to lead us astray. One caveat: I want to be named in the credits.
Result: Lucifer loses the election. He and 1/3 of everybody immediately reorient from their desire to all live together with Heavenly Father and they become evil beyond all description. They go to earth and obsessively focus all of their efforts on enticing people to commit crimes, fight wars, rape, pillage, molest children, etc. etc. As a result the world is a miserable hellhole for most of God's children, and almost no one knows about Jesus and his Oneandonlytruechurch.
Jesus:
Proposal: Nobody will forced to do anything, but they will be coerced by means of a very specific list of exactly what they should and shouldn't do to get back to heaven. This list will change randomly and substantially and pretty much no one will agree on what it contains. But that's ok. I will let the Father kill me for 3 days an then I'll come back as a god. That will erase all of your sins, except that you will still be required to follow that fuzzy list perfectly or all of your sins come back. ALL of the glory to go to the father, but with a few exceptions: You will name your church after me. You will perform all of your ordinances and blessings in my name. You will end every talk and prayer in my name. You will ritualistically eat my flesh and blood weekly, so you can remember to give the honor and glory to me. You will think of yourselves as Christians, but never as Elohimites.
Result: They vote for Jesus, which caused the creation of the devil and evil spirits that pretty much made it impossible to follow, or even know about, the essential list of rules. Families are torn apart. Most people who ever lived never even knew about Jesus. Most people did not adhere to the list of rules. Very few can ever return to the presence of God as Lucifer had originally desired.
Raymond:
Proposal: How about if we all go to earth to get bodies and just do the best we can? We will be tempted to do things wrong and we will screw up from time to time. But here's the thing: whenever we think or do something good, God will send us a really good feeling that will make us want to do and think good things. I mean, really good, like oh, God is real and he's rewarding me right now. Eventually will will just want to do good things and we'll have less desire to do bad things, because you don't get the reward. Some people may be more inclined to lean one way or the other, so when we all come back to God's presence there will be as much counseling as necessary to help bring everybody back into the best state of mind.
Result: Everybody wants to vote for Raymond's plan, but Jesus and Lucifer get really pissed and have it taken off the table. Some people refused to cast a vote. As a result, Raymond and 1/1024 of the host of heaven were cast down to earth where they now inspire people to make YouTube videos about critical thinking.