NOM

It has been soooo long since I have posted here, I'm not sure if anyone remembers who I am!

Life has been absolutely nuts for the last few years with a bunch of grandkids, crazy-a$$ work schedules and even some diabetes for Sis M and myself to deal with. That, and the fact that I have now realized that Mormonism itself absolutely bores me to tears, that I don't really want much to do with it outside the 1 hour (yes, pretty much down to one hour now!) of church I have to endure on a semi-weekly basis. But I guess I should update my status for the best ward on the internet, and I apologize for being rather less active. And the major news, which is after 8 years or thereabouts, I have been released from the high council. My SP friend is pretty convinced he'll be released soon, and so my guess is that he didn't want me helping to choose the next guy, or even more possible, that he doesn't want me even to meet with GA types to interview. Which is very wise of him. I am a lowly clerk now, which is great. I don't go to meetings, take a look on the computer for records every now and again, and largely don't do much, which is how I approached the high council.

The major update, though, is my mixed-faith marriage. For all those struggling with one, I am here to tell you that love wins out in the end, and to encourage those struggling to continue to play the long game if you can. Even with someone as True Blue Mormon as Sis. M, she has finally learned a little empathy for those who can't buy into the nonsense and has largely come to grips with the situation she finds herself in. I wish I could say it was just me being patient and sticking around and pretending to be active, while not pretending to love her very much which has helped for sure, but not the only thing. It's been my kids. Because I have done the same with them, only giving them information they can handle, they ALL have had questioning moments and are really NOM's in the traditional sense. They have helped my spouse more than anything to see that good, kind people don't have to be dogmatic fundamentalists to be in fact good people, and that maybe, just maybe, we aren't going to hell because we do Mormonism differently. The bonds of love in our marriage and family have been really strengthened as a result. I admit readily that I have had to give in a little more though - I still have to suffer through church and hold a recommend. But man it has been worth it.

One short story to illustrate this. Sis M's family is interesting, lots of Mormon royalty there. And one of my in-laws is pretty vocal about his apostasy, and is really in the angry stage about feeling betrayed. I get that, for sure. So recently I had the opportunity to chat with him about my faith journey, and really just encouraged him to be kind to those who don't get it, and never will. It was a good conversation, and at the end of it he hugged me, turned to Sis M, and said in broken English while pointing at me, "he understands me." Sis M was very grateful for this, but she also noted that her more fundamentalist parents were NOT happy that I was the one talking to him. I just laughed it off, but it bothered my wife so much that she called her Mom up and confronted her about it. Apparently, since my wife's family has some area authority and stake presidents in it, they should have been the ones to talk to this in-law, not me. But of course they don't! So Sis M told her Mom that her sibling just needs listening to - the Mom countered by saying that this in-law is just angry because they are betraying their covenants. And that set Sis M off - she said then why is Mormorrisey not so angry? Why does he have no guilt? Why has he remained the same? Of course her Mom had no answer, but really, this story is how far Sis M has gone. She KNOWS that I find Mormonism is just absolute nonsense, and that's it. AND HAS FINALLY UNDERSTOOD THAT IS ALL IT IS. Man, life is great, even with some degree of Mormonism in it.

I never thought, when I joined NOM 1.0 so long ago, that this woman with a shelf made of titanium would ever have empathy for her heretic husband, and yet here we are. I don't have the Red Ryder story of the two heretics riding off into the sunset together, but really, to me I have ended up in the same place, where our marriage is stronger than it has ever been. And that is the best thing that NOM has done for me, was to teach me to be patient, thoughtful and caring to those around me on my faith journey. If I can repay that in some way by just giving this advice that was given to me, my time here has been worth it.

Thank you all.

It's so great to hear your report. My wife is believing LDS but very understanding, and a great listener. Sometimes I think all we can do is just show that NOM's are normal, that we didn't go off the rails into sin or oblivion. It's been curious to visit my home ward now. I go about once every 3-4 months. One of the more annoying TBM's is now suffering from dementia, and I feel sorrow for him, partly because it could happen to me. None of us is exempt from that challenge. Anyway, Mormonissy, your story goes on and you are appreciated.

It's great to hear from you Mormorrisey! I'm glad it's on a happy note, love wins. Sounds like you and your DW put in the incredible amount of work needed to see past the labels put on you. That's awesome how she validated your goodness and used it as a reference for the good non-believer.

Thanks for the update. I was a clerk for the last few years before I went inactive. It was great never being expected to say anything spiritual and having an excuse not to attend meetings without arousing suspicion.

Thanks for sharing Mormorissey! It's good to hear that your wife can see your value as the good husband that you are and that you can actually help others who no longer believe.

Awe!!! What an awesome update!!!! So good to hear from you!

Really awesome update. I'm glad to hear it.

I'm less active in the NOM ward, too, but I check in once in a great while to see how y'all are doing. (My browser is having a super-slow loading time, but only with NOM, so I might not check out any threads other than the conference ones.)

Love the update!

I think time will tell and you never know what the future holds. Glad to see you have found your place. I have a few good stories to update I’ll save for another time. You both are proof that patience and love win over angry hostility toward a religious legal entity.

Happy to hear the update!

Thank you for the great update. So good to hear things are going well and that you have survived being on the high council.

Awesome update. I agree with the encouragement to be patient with a believing spouse. I've seen my own wife move towards viewing the church for what it is: a messy man-made institution that has a lot of good people who are trying to do their best, with some narcissistic people (a lot who are in leadership) that aren't so great. Sad to hear your stake president friend is moving on. Hope your new one is just as good.