Spiritual abuse

[stuck]

I was reading info on forms of abuse as I am in the healthcare field. Anyway they referenced the national domestic violence hotline. Here is a link: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/types-of-abuse/ Anyhow, you will see there that there is one in there titled spiritual abuse. Specifically where it says one spouse is raising kids in a religion that the other spouse doesn't agree with. This seems to fit with a lot of mixed faith marriages. Anyway, it is a bit depressing. But, I think most of us understand where our believing spouses are coming from and mine specifically feels the need to raise our kids in the church because she feels that "responsibility" since I no longer believe. I think she gets pressure from family and friends. Anyway, it is kind of a bummer and I think eventually my kids will find out that I don't believe and then that may change things somewhat. We'll see. I want to keep my marriage and family intact if possible but this grates on me at times, so it makes me want to find a solution. Hopefully we can bridge the gap and keep things peaceful and happy.

Thoughts?

[deacon blues]

That can be a real challenge. Especially because the LDS can be overbearing about raising children in their version of "the Truth."
My wife (TBM) and I (deist) have some real interesting discussions, but my shelf didn't break until our kids were all raised.
I watch our kids in mixed marriages, and generally the LDS culture, with its comprehensive lifestyle wins out, at least temporarily, but then some of the Grandkids chose to distance themselves from the Church anyway. For example, we still say prayers at family events.
The Amazing thing, to me, is that all 16 kids and and spouses, and all 25 grandkids plus 8 spouses still love being together, and rarely argue openly.
I believe there may are issues that I don't know about, but so far our unabashed love and respect for each other is winning.

Love, kindness, empathy, humility, and patience may be the solution.

[Angel]

Perhaps every other Sunday - bring kids to a different church? Find a different denomination, something their friends attend if possible with an amazing youth program that is better than your local ward's

[stuck]

Thanks for your responses Deacon Blues and Angel! Sadly I live in a pretty saturated Mormon community so attending other denominations probably isn't an option. So I'll have to just focus on loving the kids and perhaps de-emphasizing the church. Eventually they will learn that I'm not a believer and at that point or at least before they serve missions, I would like to have them find out why.

[Just This Guy]

Deleted by poster.

[DPRoberts]

Poster child for failure to raise kids who stay Mormon. At least it seemed like failure once upon a time.

I kept up appearances until my youngest turned 18 because I didn't want to be blamed if they left. There were times, however, when I had to make it absolutely clear that in a conflict between the church and my kid I would pick my kid. I'm thinking specifically of the overreaction toOebergefel and the required meeting and the infamous POX of 2015. I had no idea what my kid's orientation might be at that time, so I pulled her aside on the day of the infamous meeting and made sure she knew my support was with her, not the church. To which she expressed heartfelt appreciation. So my point, in this context, is that I suffered the abuse of my children being raised in a faith I no longer agreed with, but only to a point.

Lately I am more concerned with the other kind of abuse you mentioned where your wife feels pressured to bring you back. My wife is dealing with that toxicity X5 and the church needs to end that. I saw a sign recently that they may have taken a step in that direction but rather than threadjack I will make another post.

[2bizE]

I was reading info on forms of abuse as I am in the healthcare field. Anyway they referenced the national domestic violence hotline. Here is a link: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/types-of-abuse/ Anyhow, you will see there that there is one in there titled spiritual abuse. Specifically where it says one spouse is raising kids in a religion that the other spouse doesn't agree with. This seems to fit with a lot of mixed faith marriages. Anyway, it is a bit depressing. But, I think most of us understand where our believing spouses are coming from and mine specifically feels the need to raise our kids in the church because she feels that "responsibility" since I no longer believe. I think she gets pressure from family and friends. Anyway, it is kind of a bummer and I think eventually my kids will find out that I don't believe and then that may change things somewhat. We'll see. I want to keep my marriage and family intact if possible but this grates on me at times, so it makes me want to find a solution. Hopefully we can bridge the gap and keep things peaceful and happy.

Thoughts?

One resource to consider is the Marriage on a Tightrope podcast. It is put on my Kattie (believing) and Allan (non-believing) Mount. You probably have seen videos by Allan Mount. They navigate a mixed faith marriage/family.

[deacon blues]

Thanks for reminding us of the "Marriage on a Tightrope Podcasts." They were a great help to me. I haven't watched them for a couple of years. They are still on Youtube!

[Angel]

If there's no other church - find a different funday sunday activity? Kayaking, dirt bikes, hiking, doughnuts, movies, go carts, swimming, spa - claim every other funday. Hugs!