Coming back to say hello!

[Galileo]

Hello everyone,

I am the great Galileo (from NOM boards past). I think the last time I logged onto NOM was probably around 2009. Out of the blue, I decided I should share my story on the board in the hopes that it might help someone else going through what I’ve gone through. Sorry - this is going to be a long post...

A bit of background on me… I was raised in a TBM family in the heartland. Almost everyone in both extended families were (and still are) TBM. I went on a mission. I got back from the mission, and before I even had time to undergo my “normalization” (readjusting back into normal society), I met my future spouse. I proposed within weeks and we were married in the temple within months. It was only a couple months after that that I began to really question the whole church thing.

I gradually “came out” as a “general christian” to my very understanding Bishop and my not so enthused wife. Eventually I realized I was lying. I wasn’t Christian. I was agnostic. I attended a Unitarian Universalist church a few times but it didn’t seem like my “home”. They weren’t my “people” - my “tribe”. Mormons were. It was rough. We tried to make the marriage work, but after around two years of marriage, we split up and filed for divorce.

We had no kids at the time. I “came out” to my family and grandparents. With the divorce pending and my family abandoning me (from my point of view) en masse, I decided to really “buckle down” and pray hard and study the scriptures. I was at a fork in the road, and I really didn’t want to make the wrong decision here. I needed to know if it was true. Unfortunately I came to the conclusion through study and prayer that it was true. I was back on God’s path. My wife and I got back together (the divorce hadn’t finalized). My family embraced me again and said “welcome back”. Within weeks of getting back together, I knew I had make a mistake.

For the next 6 years, I remained undercover. We had three kids. I knew I was digging myself into a hole. I contemplated suicide many times, but of course never could or would for my kids’ sakes. Eventually I decided to come out to my wife as atheist. She said she knew I was, and that she knew I was “undercover” all these years. I decided to come out as atheist to all my friends and family. Everyone was much more supportive this time around.

It’s one thing to love and support a friend or family member for being atheist. It’s another to be TBM and be married to one. My wife tried. I tried. But it just wasn’t going to work out long term and we got a divorce (finalized this time).

Fast forward… I’m now openly atheist (not in your face… but if it comes up) to everyone I know. Since then, I have found someone I truly love and we are getting married this fall. It is rough not being with my kids all of the time, and it is sad that they are victims in all of this. But I knew I wouldn’t last in that marriage for too many more years, and I decided doing this while my kids were young was better than waiting until they were older. I haven’t regretted the decision once. I have finally found happiness after so many years of being in the church.

Hopefully my story can help someone in some way. I remember many years of extreme darkness - not seeing a way out of all of this. I made it through to the end, and there is a lot of joy to be had on the other side. I’m not bitter toward the church or my ex-wife or any family members. My relationship with all of my family is great. My only regret is that I wasted so many years in hiding. Everyone’s situation is different, and I hesitate to offer any advice to anyone. But if I were to offer advice, it would be this: Lying to yourself and/or others about who you really are will only bring heartache and sorrow… tell the truth and be open to all, as soon as you can muster the courage, consequences be damned.

Have a good day everyone!

[Hagoth]

Welcome back Galileo! Great to have you back on NOM. I think I was just coming on board about the time you were fading. I hope you'll stay.

[Corsair]

We are glad you found your way back. It's great to hear from people that have some history with the old board. Are you planning to be associated with any church at all? Do your children know your belief status?

[Red Ryder]

Welcome back.

Glad to hear stories of people that make it out to the other side.

[Galileo]

Glad to be back!

I felt like on the old board, I was just "taking" - I had nothing to contribute. I needed everyone else's guidance or stories to help me. Now I feel like I may actually be able to contribute, should anyone need help and feel like asking.

Are you planning to be associated with any church at all? Do your children know your belief status?

My exploratory phase was really just me searching out other religions because I felt like society expects someone to be religious, or at least "spiritual". I've since moved on from caring what others think, and I've realized that I just am flat out not a spiritual person. Like - zero. There is no spirituality in my bones. There is physics, quantum mechanics, logic, etc, and there is emotion, caring, empathy, etc, but there is no spirituality, at least in the way I define it. I have practiced some Zen Buddhism in the past, although I consider that more of a philosophy than a religion. If I do end up being associated with anything long term, it will be Buddhism for sure. My city has a small but tight-knit group that practices on a regular basis.

My oldest is only 6 years, so the belief thing has only recently come up. It came up in the form of "Daddy, how come when we are with you we don't go to church, but we do with Mom?" My answer was a generic "Some people decide not to go to church." I guess I will still be asking for people's advice or stories when it comes to children, because as they get older I'll run into these issues more and more.

[Linked]

Welcome back Galileo! It sounds like things have worked out pretty well, that's great. It's nice to hear from people who still have decent relationships with their families, I am hoping I can be one of them too.

I look forward to your posts.

[SeeNoEvil]

Welcome back! Thank you for your story. It's great to see your life is back on track! And will we see the future Mrs. Galileo here on NOM?

[GoodBoy]

Lying to yourself and/or others about who you really are will only bring heartache and sorrow… tell the truth and be open to all, as soon as you can muster the courage, consequences be damned.

Thanks for this. Something to think about...

[Corsair]

Lying to yourself and/or others about who you really are will only bring heartache and sorrow… tell the truth and be open to all, as soon as you can muster the courage, consequences be damned.

Thanks for this. Something to think about...

I have long suspected that Community of Christ did think exactly this and went through painful schism on their way to a diminished, but functional church.

[Galileo]

And will we see the future Mrs. Galileo her on NOM?

The future Mrs. Galileo is Catholic (doesn't really practice). If she got on this board, she would be like... "WTF?!? These Mormon's are crazier than I thought!!!"

[AllieOop]

Welcome back and thanks for the update! Congratulations on your upcoming marriage

So, where are your kids now regarding their beliefs and the church?