No more fire insurance.

[FamilySearch]

I was debating on whether or not to attend tithing settlement with my family this year. I had decided that I was going to write the bishop a letter disclosing my non-payment status and let my DW and daughter go to settlement without me. Our appointment was a week earlier than I thought and I hadn't written the letter yet so I went. After the typical small talk, the bishop made sure the principle of tithing was well understood by our child and then proceeded to ask whether or not we were full-tithe payers. When it was my turn to answer I simply said "no". I don't think the bishop knew how to respond and my answer seemed to catch him offguard. He thanked us for coming, offered us a treat and we left.

After worrying about this day for months, it was pretty anti-climatic. I imagine I will get called in for a meeting in the coming weeks. I haven't yet decided if I will go or not. I am headed into new territory. Thank you all for sharing your experiences here on NOM; you have all helped me on my personal faith journey over the years. I keep telling myself I will quit lurking and start contributing to the conversation but then I realize how much I dislike writing and I just continue reading.
-Thanks

[Red Ryder]

Welcome lurker!

I remember that awkward first time I said no. It was tough in front of the kids. Does your wife support this lack of fire insurance? How is she coping with it?

I did get called out the second time around the following year. The bishop excused the family after the treat was passed out then proceeded to ask why I didn't pay. I muttered something about the church having billions and spending on a mall which indicated it didn't need my money. He countered with something about other sources of business income. Then he suggested I was missing out on a TR and I smirked and said that's my second problem. I think the temple is weird. He chuckled in agreement and suggested going more often to understand the symbolism. Then he asked if there was anything else? I said no. He said ok, we can work with you. I left, got in the car with the family and drove home. My young son asked if I got in trouble with the bishop. I smiled and said no I'm not in trouble.

By doing this I gave him 2 concerns I knew he couldn't help with and he's left me alone since.

Good luck.

PS. I cant honestly say there are any negatives to not paying. My savings account would agree!

[moksha]

I have never accepted the concept of a tithing settlement meeting. An exclusive meeting to settle tithing (making sure you pay) is an abusive use of ecclesiastical power and it puts the bishops in a position akin to a tax collector such as the Sheriff of Nottingham rather than as a pastoral caregiver.

It is fine to pay to tithe as a donation to help support the Church and enable it to perform humanitarian actions. When it is on any other basis besides a voluntary "donation from the wallet and heart" it ceases to be a true tithe and instead becomes a religious tax or even "payment on a celestial insurance policy".

Pay your tithe (if you so desire), but do not support the religious mockery inherent in a "tithing settlement". It is hard for me to understand why everyone does not see this as a corruption of the spirit of true tithing. Wish we could fit the slogan, "Give out of love and not compulsion" on a T-shirt.

[crossmyheart]

I remember as a young newlywed emptying our entire savings account to pay up at tithing settlement and still coming up short. The Bishop put us on some kind of payment plan to pay the rest. And in the mean time, we spent most of December surviving on corn flakes and ramen noodles. Shortly after that is when we discovered credit cards and the story of our financial troubles spirals from there.

Speaking as someone who has now gone 6 years without paying a full tithe, I no longer feel an ounce of guilt, remorse, or regret. When we first stopped paying my DH was concerned for our celestial marriage, but it didn't take long for him to enjoy the benefits of the extra income. Every now and then he wants to make a charitable donation to the church, and it is paid online, not in a tithing envelope. This way if he ever decides to attend another tithing settlement, he can say he is a full tithe payer, without the Bishop scrutinizing the amount.


Congratulations on your courage to say "no", it will get easier.

[DPRoberts]

I have never accepted the concept of a tithing settlement meeting. An exclusive meeting to settle tithing (making sure you pay) is an abusive use of ecclesiastical power and it puts the bishops in a position akin to a tax collector such as the Sheriff of Nottingham rather than as a pastoral caregiver.

It is fine to pay to tithe as a donation to help support the Church and enable it to perform humanitarian actions. When it is on any other basis besides a voluntary "donation from the wallet and heart" it ceases to be a true tithe and instead becomes a religious tax or even "payment on a celestial insurance policy".

Pay your tithe (if you so desire), but do not support the religious mockery inherent in a "tithing settlement". It is hard for me to understand why everyone does not see this as a corruption of the spirit of true tithing. Wish we could fit the slogan, "Give out of love and not compulsion" on a T-shirt.

This. I have ignored tithing settlement for many years now on principle. Our favorite penguin has done a good job of articulating what for me has been mostly a gut feel. In my current Ward I have not had a Bishop so obnoxious as to make me want to watch him squirm as I deliver a confident "no" without shame or guilt. My current Bishop tries to sell tithing settlement as his opportunity to meet with us as pastoral caregiver, to borrow Moksha's term. But the backdrop of monetary shakedown undermines that.