HIPS Family Update

[hiding in plain sight]

I think it was January 2010 the first time I posted on NOM.

A lot has happened in the past 8 years that I would never have predicted.

At this point in time I am still active. My wife is the RSP. And my boss is my bishop.

That may sound like I am in a living hell. But actually life is in a pretty sweet spot.

8 years ago my oldest son left the church, which started me down the road to save his soul, but ultimately it was the catalyst to wake up.

The first two years were hard on everybody as I was angry and lashing out. It didn't do my marriage any good and we treaded water for those first 2 years.

Then Mrs. HIPS and I figured out how to support each other and we hit a new equilibrium and our relationship deepened.

Then 2 years ago my youngest son (RM) told me he didn't care about the church and was going to get married outside the temple to a great girl. They are no longer members and living a great life.

Then about 8 months ago my son in law to my oldest daughter came out to me that he hadn't believed in the church for quite a while now and was going to go inactive.

My oldest daughter told me that she was choosing her husband despite his lack of belief in all things mormon. I love that girl.

But she did want to be fully informed about the church issues, so she could answer their kids questions as they got older about why daddy wasn't a member. The problem is, my daughter is smart girl. It didn't take her very long of studying before she had her own WTF moment and she no longer believes in all things mormon.

So as of today, I have 3 kids and two in-laws that are no longer part of the church. This just leaves my wife and my youngest daughter and he husband.

And for my youngest it is only a matter of time. She has already asked too many critical questions to not ultimately wake up.

And as for my wife, she has had a hell of a lot of processing to do.

At this point, she loves the opportunity to serve in the church and the community it gives us. She is comfortable that I won't declare belief in the majority of the church's truth claims. And she is comfortable that I have boundaries where I will push back on the church, if necessary.

I believe I will probably still be attending church with my wife 10 years from now. But so far so good.

We are in a great place and it feels comfortable right now.

And I have a lot of joy knowing that many of my grandchildren won't be raised in the church and bear the burden of indoctrination.

What an amazing 8 years.

[slavereeno]

Wow, I loved reading that. Its helpful to hear other people's stories.

[wtfluff]

It's good to read your words again HIPS.

Congrats on successfully navigating the mine-field. Many of us hold that success up as a goal to emulate.

[Fluffy smiles and waves from the impenetrable bubble.]

[Corsair]

And I have a lot of joy knowing that many of my grandchildren won't be raised in the church and bear the burden of indoctrination.

What an amazing 8 years.

Thanks for the update, HIPS! Part of the sheer joy I have with my married, Lesbian daughter is the sure knowledge that their children are categorically denied from being LDS. Your status with the church must horrify the apostles behind the scenes when the statistics department presents this creeping demise of the church.

[Red Ryder]

Congrats HIPS!

Your posts were some of the best and most helpful during your active days of posting on NOM a few years ago. I'm ahead of you in years disaffected but behind you in progress with the wife and family.

It's good to hear that this can end well if love and support is stronger than love for the church.

Thanks for the update.

For the newbies here, HIPS was like the Elder Uchtdorf of NOM back before the old board crash and abandonment.

[hiding in plain sight]

Wow, I loved reading that. Its helpful to hear other people's stories.

NOM has always been a lifesaver just by being able to hear each other's stories.

[hiding in plain sight]

For the newbies here, HIPS was like the Elder Uchtdorf of NOM back before the old board crash and abandonment.

I know Elder Uchtdorf and HIPS is no Elder Utchtdorf. (queue Senator Bentson's barb to Dan Quayle)

[hiding in plain sight]

It's good to read your words again HIPS.

Congrats on successfully navigating the mine-field. Many of us hold that success up as a goal to emulate.

[Fluffy smiles and waves from the impenetrable bubble.]

Thanks WTFluff. Do you guys still get together at Lucky 13?

[IT_Veteran]

Thank you for sharing that. I have had a pretty good experience with my DW so far, but I no longer attend. You're a better man than I - I would get headaches and find any way to not be at church since I decided it wasn't true. That was before I found all the church history stuff, so I'm fairly sure I couldn't sit through church at this point.

[wtfluff]

It's good to read your words again HIPS.

Congrats on successfully navigating the mine-field. Many of us hold that success up as a goal to emulate.

[Fluffy smiles and waves from the impenetrable bubble.]

Thanks WTFluff. Do you guys still get together at Lucky 13?

Get-together's have tapired off in the recent past.

HEY ALL YOU MOR-COR NOMS WE NEED TO DO LUNCH!

If you ever get back to the bubble, let us know HIPS, I for one would love seeing you...

[slavereeno]

Get-together's have tapired off in the recent past.

I see what you did there.

[wtfluff]

Get-together's have tapired off in the recent past.

I see what you did there.

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[w2mz]

We are in a great place and it feels comfortable right now.

This is so awesome! So great to hear!

Thanks for being so supportive to SO MANY of us on NOM all these years. If anyone truly understands the concept of “ministering” to their fellow man, it is HiPS. The church should take lessons from him.

Thank you!

[GoodBoy]

Fabulous to hear from you again HIPS. You are a shining example that the NOMdom can work long term for some people. I have always admired your clear thinking, your compassion, and your patience.

[2bizE]

So what happens when your youngest daughter leaves?

[deacon blues]

Hi HIPS, Thanks for sharing. I remember a lot of great posts that you made. You sure helped me through some rough times. How are things working with your bishop/boss? Is he open-minded?

[hiding in plain sight]

So what happens when your youngest daughter leaves?

That is such a great question.

In my fantasy world, that would be the day that my wife decides to check out as well. But in reality that is probably not what is going to happen. My wife is one of those that really does love her interaction with the other sisters in the ward and loves the opportunity to truly serve others.

Yeah. I know there are plenty of places to do that in the world outside of mormonism.

I think if/when my youngest daughter leaves, we will continue on like we are. Our family is the center of our lives and not the church right now anyway. So I would see that continuing. We love spending time together and even more so now that some of the kids are starting to have families of their own.

I guess only time will tell.

[hiding in plain sight]

Hi HIPS, Thanks for sharing. I remember a lot of great posts that you made. You sure helped me through some rough times. How are things working with your bishop/boss? Is he open-minded?

I have worked with this guy for 10 years now and we are actually good friends as well.

He knows that I am well read on church issues. I counsel him on occassion when he is helping people with a "faith crisis".

He knows that I have interacted with a lot of people who have left the church and that this all started with my oldest son leaving the church.

I have also told him that I am super liberal and unorthodox.

But in reality, in the 10 years I have known him, we have had only two spiritual conversations during that whole time. Church has not been the center of his life prior to being bishop. So I don't think he actually cares that much. Even though I would describe him as on the very orthodox side of the spectrum.

I have convinced him to just give me easy callings so that I can focus on work and give him the time to focus on being a bishop. So far so good.

I only put about 30 minutes every other week into anything mormon. I can live with that.