new member - wanted to say hi!

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jfro18
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Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2018 8:41 pm

new member - wanted to say hi!

Post by jfro18 » Wed Apr 25, 2018 8:13 am

Hey everyone!

I just joined the other day and have lurked for a week or so...

Long story short - I stopped going to the church a while back and have since just kind of 'left it alone' so to speak as my wife has continued to go. Lately I've been freaking out about the idea of kids being raised in the church, so that's why I've been posting on the mixed-faith board.

I obviously have read the CES Letter which is what springboarded my research of all the many issues with the church that go well beyond the CES Letter.

Hopefully the board will help me to vent so that I can someday have some more meaningful conversations with my wife about it. I know that right now that's not looking good, but I have to keep hoping, right?

I'm glad to have found this board - I also like to read reddit but this board seems more measured and in an odd way calming than reddit has been for me so far :lol:

Anyway - if anyone has any questions fire away... until then I'll be lurking and trying too add to conversations when i can. Been learning so much lately and it's hard to kind of process it all without being just angry and overwhelmed. From reading reddit and here that seems normal... just need some time to come to terms with what I feel are some pretty serious lies that I was taught. I'll get there and *hopefully* my wife will at least be willing to talk about that with me soon.

thanks for letting me be a part of the group - I'll be around!

TheRoadSouth
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Joined: Sun Apr 22, 2018 2:51 pm

Re: new member - wanted to say hi!

Post by TheRoadSouth » Wed Apr 25, 2018 8:42 am

Welcome! I'm new here too, and feel your pain acutely. How long ago did your shelf break? And how long after that did you stop going to church? One thing that has really helped me is the frequent advice to TAKE IT SLOW. I was very fortunate to stumble upon this site and StayLDS very early on after my shelf broke. I did not know there was a whole community of people who are in the same boat as me, but don't want to hurt tender relationships by being too hasty about dumping everything right away, even though for some that is the right thing to eventually do. IT'S BEEN HARD FOR ME NOT TO! But I know this new faith journey is a process that can often take years to resolve, so I've just committed to be patient with myself, my wife, and everyone who is possibly affected by my decisions.

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jfro18
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Re: new member - wanted to say hi!

Post by jfro18 » Wed Apr 25, 2018 8:56 am

My shelf broke years ago and I stopped going a while after that. I tried so hard to just ignore polygamy, but at some point I just could not believe that any God would tell their prophet to go around and marry anyone you wanted without consequence.

So that was the thing that always bothered me, and then there were a few things that really just rotated in my head like the treatment of blacks, the temple ceremony being so weird/uncomfortable (to me), etc.

My wife and I just kind of ignored it... she kept going and I did not. I stopped wearing those awful garments and she over the years became more and more involved, which widened the gap we had from being mixed faith. As we all know - calling this a "church" really understates the amount of time and devotion that is required.

Anyway... I wish I had found this group (or others) before I started talking with my wife. I really don't know if it would have mattered in the end, but I guarantee the talks would have gone better early and it really sucks that I didn't know any better... that was a huge mistake on my part that I might never be able to get a second chance on.

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Corsair
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Re: new member - wanted to say hi!

Post by Corsair » Wed Apr 25, 2018 9:18 am

We are glad that both of you found your way to this forum. Seeing new members here keeps the discussions from getting stale. What was the search or link that led you here?

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jfro18
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Re: new member - wanted to say hi!

Post by jfro18 » Wed Apr 25, 2018 9:26 am

The lone ex-mormon in the family recommended it to help with all of the feelings of finding out the info combined with not being able to communicate them with family. :)

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Linked
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Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 4:04 pm

Re: new member - wanted to say hi!

Post by Linked » Wed Apr 25, 2018 11:18 am

Welcome aboard the good ship NOM!

I totally screwed up telling my wife about my disaffection too. I look forward to your comments.
"I would write about life. Every person would be exactly as important as any other. All facts would also be given equal weightiness. Nothing would be left out. Let others bring order to chaos. I would bring chaos to order" - Kurt Vonnegut

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jfro18
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Re: new member - wanted to say hi!

Post by jfro18 » Wed Apr 25, 2018 11:29 am

I've read your threads and I feel for you... I keep hoping we end up getting a breakthrough, but I highly doubt it for me anytime soon.

I mentioned to my wife once how the church has a support system that makes it so difficult to investigate the church let alone walk away. She took that to mean intimidation, but when I left I had visitors pop up randomly including the bishop... and that doesn't even include the insane pressure from family if you decide not to go.

So take all that combined with trying to break through a lifetime of being told this is the only way, and I get why it is so difficult to actually research the church with an open mind. But man it is painful to be on the other side of it knowing all of these issues and being unable to do anything about it.

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slavereeno
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Re: new member - wanted to say hi!

Post by slavereeno » Wed Apr 25, 2018 12:40 pm

Welcome! Its helpful to read other peoples stories. I feel like there are so few people (in general) who feel like disclosing to their spouse went well.

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jfro18
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Re: new member - wanted to say hi!

Post by jfro18 » Wed Apr 25, 2018 2:06 pm

Definitely agree... and I've seen a lot of stories on reddit, youtube videos, etc where the other spouse does open up at some point and leaves, but it's not usually quick and so that's why I keep holding on to that hope she might eventually be willing to go down this road with me. Maybe it'll end up making her testimony stronger, but I have to believe that if she researches what I have there's really no way you could come to the conclusion that Joseph Smith was a prophet and the Book of Mormon is true.

Every day my hope dims a little more, but have to hang on to something!

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Hagoth
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Re: new member - wanted to say hi!

Post by Hagoth » Fri Apr 27, 2018 6:39 am

Glad you found us jfro! Vent away.
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

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jfro18
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Re: new member - wanted to say hi!

Post by jfro18 » Fri Apr 27, 2018 7:45 am

Hagoth wrote:
Fri Apr 27, 2018 6:39 am
Glad you found us jfro! Vent away.
You might come to regret giving me the green light to vent away :lol:

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No Tof
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Re: new member - wanted to say hi!

Post by No Tof » Sun Apr 29, 2018 10:13 am

jfro18 wrote:
Fri Apr 27, 2018 7:45 am
Hagoth wrote:
Fri Apr 27, 2018 6:39 am
Glad you found us jfro! Vent away.
You might come to regret giving me the green light to vent away :lol:
First of all welcome. This is an inclusive group. Venting here is good. Venting in real life is risky. It’s hard to know how your important others will react. Better to test the waters with us heretics who have already made the mistakes.

Discovery is a great adventure.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I'll meet you there.
Rumi

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jfro18
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Re: new member - wanted to say hi!

Post by jfro18 » Sun Apr 29, 2018 11:26 am

No Tof wrote:
Sun Apr 29, 2018 10:13 am
First of all welcome. This is an inclusive group. Venting here is good. Venting in real life is risky. It’s hard to know how your important others will react. Better to test the waters with us heretics who have already made the mistakes.

Discovery is a great adventure.
This is a lesson I wish I had known before I spilled my guts out to my wife. We're doing good right now, but we both know what is bubbling underneath. I am doing my part not to talk to her until she's ready, but she also knows I'm still researching and talking to others.

I *know* she's thinking about it... but she's still at the point where she only trusts church sources. If I can ever get her to look at both sides I think things have a chance to get better. We'll see- she's always been amazing to me and whatever she ultimately decides I have to be OK with.

But I will be doing some venting/bringing up stuff on the doctrine board- there are a lot of subjects I'm finally diving into which bring up so many questions!

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