Lucy Honeychurch

[LucyHoneychurch]

Hello. I am a long-time lurker who was a briefly interactive (under a different name) at the old site when my family and I left the LDS church in 2014.

I spent my whole life as a happy and faithful Mormon until 2010, when some of my questions demanded answers, and I started to search. I read more in depth about polygamy, Grant Palmer's book, and Rough Stone Rolling that year. I wrestled with the information, and decided the BOM and Restoration were still true, even though God was using fallible people to move the work forward. I remained active with a nuanced testimony for the next four years, even serving as a RS president during that time.

If not for the release of the church essays, I might have forever remained committed. Those essays really bugged me. I felt betrayed. I had given 35-plus years of trust and heart to the church. I spent a few months reading faithful sources to expound on the essays. One day at the FAIR website, I found the link to the CES Letter. For the first time, I was able to see all my questions in one place, and no nuance was needed to make sense of it all. My testimony ended.

My husband and children trusted me enough to listen, and we all left together. After leaving, we attended non-denominational church services for almost two years, but in the end we found that religion is not for us. I am glad we attended, so that I could understand traditional Christianity, especially grace. I still consider myself a cultural Christian, in that I believe much of what Jesus taught, but I am not a believer in the supernatural, nor do I think the bible should be taken as an infallible guide to life and truth. I prefer philosophy, empirical truth, ethics, and common sense as life guides.

It has been really hard to leave. It's the toughest thing I've ever been through. I had my feet held to the fire for every mistake I made along the way. I suffered an identity crisis, a loss of my worldview, alienation from friends and family, unkind words, loss of my reputation, a big weight gain, and a deep depression. Yet, it was worth it. I love the new friends in my life, the authenticity I get to experience, the mental and emotional freedom, the peace I've made with my hopeful agnosticism, and now that my family relationships are healed, our love feels deeper and more compassionate than ever.

I didn't always feel that I fit in at NOM because I was a bandaid-ripper rather than taking the slow-and-steady advice. Yet, I love NOM for the intelligent and respectful tone and the great support. I will continue to lurk because I care about nommies, and because this place is a great way to know of LDS happenings without being exposed to the vitriol that permeates most post-mo venues. Thanks for reading. Nice to see you!

[MalcolmVillager]

Welcome. From one who is in the middle, I am jealous of the bandaid approach, but not of the inevitable fallout. That is the thing about life, we get to choose ours but not how people react to us.

Post when you can, we live the interaction from all sides.

[Red Ryder]

Welcome Lucy!

Just because your a bandaid ripper doesn't mean your not a NOM. Once a Nommie always a Nommie!

Thanks for the intro.

[Linked]

It's good to have you here Lucy!

One line in your intro really struck me

My husband and children trusted me enough to listen, and we all left together.

I am so glad your family trusts you, you must be a good woman. I wish my wife would trust me.

Anyway, hope to hear from you when you can post!

[Hagoth]

One day at the FAIR website, I found the link to the CES Letter. For the first time, I was able to see all my questions in one place, and no nuance was needed to make sense of it all. My testimony ended.

I love it when FAIR's misdirection backfires on them. I wonder how many people have been led out of the church by apologists.

Welcome, Lucy!

[moksha]

Lucy, your avatar is wonderful!!! Jesus is also my favorite philosopher. That idea about love may not pack the entertainment value of the Socratic Dialogue, but ultimately it is much more comforting.

[Ghost]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I find it interesting that you can summarize your story with brief phrases such as "an identity crisis" and "a loss of my worldview" and that's enough for those who have been through that sort of thing to recognize the significance of what you're referring to. This may be an obvious observation, but it hit me as I read your intro.

[Silver Girl]

Welcome, Lucy H! I love your username and avatar! Jealous! I was active on the old site, too - my signature line somewhat reveals my former username. I wanted a new identity here, since the old name no longer applies.

I'm sorry for the tremendous pain you likely experienced as the bandaid got ripped off - we all know how much it hurts internally, and with social pain heaped on top of that, it would be so much worse. The price for being authentic can be very high.

Thanks for sharing your story - I am glad you found the new site!

Sister Silver

[AzCommando]

It has been really hard to leave. It's the toughest thing I've ever been through. I had my feet held to the fire for every mistake I made along the way. I suffered an identity crisis, a loss of my worldview, alienation from friends and family, unkind words, loss of my reputation, a big weight gain, and a deep depression. Yet, it was worth it. I love the new friends in my life, the authenticity I get to experience, the mental and emotional freedom, the peace I've made with my hopeful agnosticism, and now that my family relationships are healed, our love feels deeper and more compassionate than ever.

Hi Lucy. I also love your name and avatar and I loved reading about your family's experience. It seems so wrong that in order to leave the Church of Jesus Christ one has to experience all this.

I am out of the church but my spouse and all family, three sons and three daughters, their spouses and my grandchildren, also all extended family (mostly) are TBM. I didn't leave the church. The church threw me out. This was well over a decade ago. After many years of on again and off again attendance, I went back with the intention of rejoining. Meanwhile, I had already read Deborah Lake and Michael Quinn so I was "aware" but meanwhile the internet exploded with new "light and Knowledge" plus I had always had problems with the temple ceremony. So after some initial conversation with BP and SP in the DH's ward and stake I told them, ...... "see ya never". .....What I experienced through my excommunication and subsequent events would never happen in a Christian church with the Jesus I believe in, as the Head.

I too was on NOM 1.0 for about 8 months before it disappeared. I have a theory about what happened but that's for another thread. I was lost but after much inquiry and coaxing some local heroes came along and "invented" 2.0.

[GoodBoy]

Welcome, you band-aid ripper you. Who is to say that you aren't better off to take your lumps and get it over with vs. slow pain over many years? Glad you're back.

[BringEmYoung]

Welcome! I did a double-take when I saw your user name. Room with a View (old version) is a family favorite.

[Emower]

Welcome! I did a double-take when I saw your user name. Room with a View (old version) is a family favorite.

Out of all the usernames, yours has cracked me up the most!