I had a few conversations with family members and friends here on NOM. I was back an forth on the decision (since I still hold a recommend). I made up my mind to go. But the decision felt wrong for me. The day of the wedding the thought of going was causing me quite a bit of emotional distress. I kept trying to figure out why.
A big part of it was the most of the family was telling me they didn't care if I believed or not, that I should still go to the temple. That actually, was the thing I couldn't bear. It was the insistence that I should simply "fake it until I make it" that was causing me some mental anguish. So in the end I made a stand and sat outside.
This was very hard on DW. My aunt ended up asking where I was, and my wife had to come up with an answer, ug. For crying out loud, if someone isn't in the temple just STFU. I spent a lot of time helping with the setup and cleanup for the reception and tried to be normal with my family otherwise. There was, however, constantly an elephant in the room for the rest of the time we were all gathered. For example, there was supposed to be a gathering on Thursday, but due to delayed flights the gathering didn't start until pretty late on Thursday. So we didn't go in favor of getting to bed, finishing homework for the next day etc. Apparently, I was accused of "isolating" myself from the family.
My son and wife are both having questions of their own at the moment and this is causing them no small amount of mental anguish. I do feel a little responsible for instigating that, and it makes me sad.
On the upside, I stopped wearing my garments altogether, and I do love the normal undies.
