Update after meeting with counselor

Discussions about negotiating relationships between faithful LDS believers and the apostates who love them. This applies in particular to mixed-faith marriages, but relations with children, parents, siblings, friends, and ward members is very welcome.
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stuck
Posts: 42
Joined: Mon Aug 12, 2019 2:48 pm

Update after meeting with counselor

Post by stuck » Sun Nov 10, 2019 11:59 am

I met with Veon also recently after some of you recommended him. I think one of the main problems I have and maybe some others on this site has also is being able to live authentically while being married to believing spouses. For example I have confessed to my wife that I have been drinking coffee and not wearing my garments and listening to podcasts like mormonstories. I have explained that it's not to disrespect her but it just makes my life better doing these things. So in the session we discussed that at some point I am going to have to confront her with my need to live authentically. Because right now I feel like I have to hide these things from her because I know she doesn't like it. Fortunately she has allowed me to stop attending priesthood meeting, but I continue to do these other things without her knowing. When the time is right, I will have to sit down with her and let her know that it is important that I live authentically. He said I could mention that I want to do this in order to live my life with integrity to myself. In my mind there is nothing wrong with doing these things. I do like how Hermey mentioned that therapy has helped him and his family. Hopefully we can get to this point as well.

stuck
Posts: 42
Joined: Mon Aug 12, 2019 2:48 pm

Re: Update after meeting with counselor

Post by stuck » Tue Nov 12, 2019 1:26 pm

I know it's a process. Does anyone have any suggestions? I guess just keep going slow. The good thing is now she seems to be more open to listening to the other side. She wanted to study come follow me with her about the priesthood recently and I relented. When we were done she said do you have anything to add and I said do you want to know more about the critical viewpoint and then we turned to Mormonthink and read some stuff, so that was good.

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græy
Posts: 624
Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2016 2:52 pm
Location: Central TX

Re: Update after meeting with counselor

Post by græy » Tue Nov 12, 2019 11:07 pm

It sounds like you've made it farther down the path than I have. I'm coming up on 4 years in my FC and just got installed as EQP. I believe my DW knows more about my position than she'll admit to herself, but any conversation that even hints at my asking to be released or missing meetings results in days of tears and short tempers.

I wish I had advice to give, every situation is different. Keep taking it slowly, just not as slow as me. :)
I'm better than dirt... well most dirt. Not that fancy store bought stuff, I can't compete with that... full of nutrients and everything. -Moe Sizlack

stuck
Posts: 42
Joined: Mon Aug 12, 2019 2:48 pm

Re: Update after meeting with counselor

Post by stuck » Wed Nov 13, 2019 5:27 pm

Man Graey, I don't know how you do it. After my FC I could only accept a calling to teach primary to the 7 year olds with my wife and I made her do most of the teaching. After that, I wouldn't accept anymore callings. That would be great if I new my elder's quorum president had had a FC though. I think I might be slightly more likely to attend :?

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Hermey
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 11:32 pm

Re: Update after meeting with counselor

Post by Hermey » Sat Nov 16, 2019 10:56 pm

Best advice is just to hang in there, keep moving forward, and don't give up. This is a process - pour a little water and back off. Then give it time and let it freeze/thaw. Rinse & repeat. Eventually, that rock will crack. Sometimes it just takes a long f*cking time, but make no mistake, those brain droppings will rattle around in her head chipping away from the inside.

stuck
Posts: 42
Joined: Mon Aug 12, 2019 2:48 pm

Re: Update after meeting with counselor

Post by stuck » Mon Nov 18, 2019 12:27 pm

Thanks for your comment Hermey, I think that will be a great day if and when my wife is not so tbm and ocd about doing what the church wants her to do.

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Linked
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Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 4:04 pm

Re: Update after meeting with counselor

Post by Linked » Tue Nov 19, 2019 4:21 pm

It's tough when doing something as vanilla as choosing your underwear can cause despair in our loved ones. But it is understandable from a believing perspective. I think doing the little things that keep you sane without broadcasting them to your DW is a fine temporary place to be. I hope so anyway for my sake :lol:.

Even with the hidden stuff, there can still be progress in other areas that should be celebrated, like her stamp of approval on your reduced priesthood attendance. Hopefully someday she comes around to a point where you are both comfortable with you sharing your coffee and underwear choices openly.
"I would write about life. Every person would be exactly as important as any other. All facts would also be given equal weightiness. Nothing would be left out. Let others bring order to chaos. I would bring chaos to order" - Kurt Vonnegut

stuck
Posts: 42
Joined: Mon Aug 12, 2019 2:48 pm

Re: Update after meeting with counselor

Post by stuck » Tue Dec 03, 2019 12:28 pm

Thanks for your comment Linked!

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