Tragedy and the Tribe

[RubinHighlander]

I'm quite emotional today, thinking about this dad who just lost his 18 year old son yesterday. It's hitting me hard for several reasons.

https://www.ksl.com/article/46706107/sn ... -avalanche

I'm missing my own boy, who is off on his own, back east in the Great Lakes area. Moved up there right out of high school and I'm proud of him for making it on his own at a young age. He's 21 now, working construction, playing in a band, fixing his old truck and keeping it running. We have a great relationship, been through so much together and many adventures. My boy and I snowboard, backpack, climb, all things outdoors, a lot when he was younger and still in Utah, now just as much as we can when he flies out once a year. I'm grateful no major tragedy ever befell us on our adventures. There was a sprained wrist on the Slick Rock trail in Moab, mountain biking. There was a near miss to the eye in the Uinta's, breaking up sticks for the fire. But nothing like this poor father had to go through yesterday, frantically digging through concrete snow to get to his son. Others jumped in and helped, but he was unconscious, unable to be revived.

I know this father, he was in a ward we lived in this area. We did some scouting outings together. He's one of those dads that really never did grow up; always into all the skateboarding, biking craziness with his kids and young men in the ward he worked with and that's why they loved him so much. My youngest daughter is the same age as this boy that died yesterday, not close friends, but lots of associations. This will hit the high school pretty hard next week.

We heard the news of it last night from a close friend, who is still active in church up in that ward. She called DW, very upset and just needed to reach out and let us know. She just lost her husband to cancer a year ago, so she's still hypersensitive to death and she's just a couple of doors down from this family that lost their son yesterday. After that call DW texted another close TBM friend down the street, who's son was good friends with this boy. She was actually at the University hospital with the family. at that moment. The ward will suffocate this family with love and support, there is not much more we can do other than to attend the funeral next week.

I've been putting myself in this father's place a lot today, feeling the frantic helpless desperation, the guilt, the anger, the sadness. He'll be second guessing all the things that led up to that tragic moment, probably blaming himself, possibly facing bitterness, resentment and sorrow of his DW. But really, this father and son were out there living, they were out there in the amazing Utah outdoors, just enjoying a bluebird day in these beautiful snow covered mountains. I totally get it! I was just snowboarding last Wednesday right up to the out of bounds ropes on double black diamond terrain, blasting through that amazing Utah champagne powder and it's unbelievable up there! Yes there is risk, but they had beacons and even a backpack with airbags, but unfortunately it failed or he didn't get to the button or tab to deploy it in time. At the end of the day there will be risk to assess, maybe better decisions that could have been made, but really it's just life and bad shit happens sometimes. I have nothing but empathy for that dad right now, no judgement, just sadness for his loss.

This could be any of us at any moment. Reach out to your loved ones today, express some gratitude and love to them. Truly seize the day because we just don't know, we just don't know...

So I look at the corrupt corporation of TSCC and I really do hate what it is, all it's money and making people believe they have some magic way, telling people how to live their lives. But at least these TBMs still can get out and live their lives in nature, without that corporation telling them how to do that as well (okay, maybe not on Sundays). BUT, at the local level, all the indoctrination, dogma and misogamy aside, there is beauty there. There are some genuine saints there, who really do care about each other. I appreciate and see this in my neighborhood and the other wards we lived in. And, those few genuine TBM soles, those little gems, that we still keep in regular contact with. This is the one thing about tribes I still find some goodness in. For non-social creatures they can help maintain some connections, especially needed in times like these. Watching the true nature of good empathetic humans, stepping up, putting the BS aside and helping their neighbors in an altruistic way. There is one part in the BOM I still think about and that is in Alma where it says we should morn with those that morn, etc. But really, who needs a made up scripture to tell you that one? It's kind of like, duh!

Although I've been completely out of the church and off the books for a while now; I still really appreciate this NOM tribe and all it's done for me through all the crazy changes the past several years. I've made some close friendships that are priceless that have changed my life in profound and wonderful ways. Thank you. May all the gods, machine elves, keepers of the matrix/simulation and particles of matter in this universe bless you this day!

[Corsair]

In the past decade, my ward has had three teenagers pass away in tragic circumstances. Two of the families are sitting in front of me in sacrament meeting right now. Those were tough church meetings after their deaths. It's really hard to know what to say in those citcumstances.

[MalcolmVillager]

I read that article this afternoon, as well as the posts by readers. It is heartbreaking. My oldest DD is his age. Life is too short. It is likely all we have. In all reality, it is all we have since any "veil of forgetfulness" effectively subdivided a "life" into disconnected pieces.

May those who mourn be comforted in sufficient ways.

[jfro18]

A lifelong friend of mine passed away last night from a pretty aggressive cancer... he was 39 and leaves behind a wife a 5 year old kid.

You are 100% right that life is too short and we all would be better served to stop worrying as much about the future as the present. I suffer from that all the time, as well as worrying about the things I can't control while letting some of the things I can control slip through.

But hopefully the family near you can find comfort from those around them, and I hope his wife will be able to find peace with the accident. I can't even imagine what guilt I would carry even if you did all of the normal safety things, so I feel for their entire family. That's just a tragedy that should not happen, but as you said you just don't know what will happen sometimes.

[wtfluff]

Somewhat similar circumstances near me with folks leaving this life too soon; So, THIS:

May all the gods, machine elves, keepers of the matrix/simulation and particles of matter in this universe bless you this day!

May those who mourn be comforted in sufficient ways.

[Hagoth]

Thank you so much for that post, RH. You hit the nail on the head, brother.

Thank you for being there for me and our little tribe.

[RubinHighlander]

In the past decade, my ward has had three teenagers pass away in tragic circumstances. Two of the families are sitting in front of me in sacrament meeting right now. Those were tough church meetings after their deaths. It's really hard to know what to say in those circumstances.

Wow, that's also how it is in our neighborhood. There's been six young men, between 18-21 that have died. One boating and this recent one in an avalanche, but the other ones were no fault of their own; all hit by other drivers who where either fleeing the law or had a stroke, but basically by car and not their fault.

There's really nothing you can say, but the thing you should not say is you know how they feel because a loss at that level is so deeply personal and tragic. We all know how hard it is to lose someone to death that we love. I hope I never have to face losing one of my kids.

[RubinHighlander]

Thank you so much for that post, RH. You hit the nail on the head, brother.

Thank you for being there for me and our little tribe.

Thank you brother!

[græy]

I still really appreciate this NOM tribe and all it's done for me through all the crazy changes the past several years. I've made some close friendships that are priceless that have changed my life in profound and wonderful ways. Thank you. May all the gods, machine elves, keepers of the matrix/simulation and particles of matter in this universe bless you this day!

Well said! And same to you RH!

[RubinHighlander]

I still really appreciate this NOM tribe and all it's done for me through all the crazy changes the past several years. I've made some close friendships that are priceless that have changed my life in profound and wonderful ways. Thank you. May all the gods, machine elves, keepers of the matrix/simulation and particles of matter in this universe bless you this day!

Well said! And same to you RH!

Thanks Græy! I guess I forgot to invoke the blessings of the Flying Spaghetti Monster on you all. May his noodley appendages reach out and touch each one of you in sacred places and forever bless your lives in profound and unprofound ways.