Creative Mormon Mythology

[moksha]

From the microscopic emergence of film-like deposits and oxygen release in the pre-Cambrian era to the Cambrian explosion where Mormonism was unleashed upon the world.


Trilobites holding a ward meeting
This was held with only the Trilobitic Priesthood present

[moksha]

"Release the Midgleys!!!"

[moksha]

Utah Senate Race 2022

This November Sen Mike Lee, the Trump-endorsed candidate, will face off against Evan McMullin, of the Independent Mormon Party. The Democrats declined to nominate a candidate and decided to back McMullin as a much better alternative to the Trump endorsement. To give you an idea about Lee, his best friend in the Senate is Ted Cruz, but he is happy to carry a bucket for Trump anywhere on the grounds of the Versailles Palace. Anyway, all this confirms is that Utah is unlike anywhere else on Earth (but does share some similarities to Oblibish of the Kolob Federation).


Lee explains the LDS belief that in an early dispensation, Ronald Reagan rode on a velociraptor firing a machine gun. It is meant to show Mankind being booted out of the Garden of Eden for excessive credulity.

[moksha]

Sacrificing Board Posts for the Greater Good

A post on the old MAD board once proved the Book of Mormon was true. Unfortunately, it and most other posts needed to be removed when Dr. Daniel Peterson was requested to testify in the Brian David Mitchell trial (Elizabeth Smart). It was feared that the defense lawyer would use the MAD posts corpus to impeach Dr. Peterson's testimony. No use searching, that proof of the truthfulness of the Book has been removed from the earth. However, Dr. Peterson's testimony at the trial did help establish that Mitchell was not an Old Testament prophet, which if left unchallenged may have swayed a Utah jury (It cannot be overemphasized how influential a person can be when claiming the mantle of a prophet and practicing plural marriage).

The suspect information at the MAD board needed to be sacrificed for the greater end so that Dr. Peterson could bear his witness. It was a fruitful Exhortation and Testimony Meeting. Mitchell was lucky he was not fitted with a noose and placed on a bucking tapir that day once Dr. Peterson finished with "In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen".

What would have impeached Dr. Peterson's testimony? Why Mormon apologetics, of course!

[moksha]

NEWS FLASH from faithpromotingrumors.com

Over 100 residents of Merrill Hall, a men’s dorm in Helaman Halls, are currently
self-quarantining due to a massive outbreak of porn. Church authorities are
concerned that this pandemic might shut down BYU altogether.
Students reportedly remain busy at their laptops.

[moksha]

New Mural in Renovated Salt Lake Temple
(Nephi defending the stolen Golden Plates from being repossessed by bounty hunters)

[moksha]

[moksha]

Eat Like An Egyptian

About 100 years ago archeologist Howard Carter was exploring the tomb of King Tut. Today I was watching Max Miller from Tasting History recreate a roast duck from that time.

This got me thinking about ancient Nephite recipes. Of course, we won't find the remains of such recipes from tombs, because no Nephite archeology exists, but was anything recorded in the Book of Mormon? Ancient bagels, lox, and cream cheese? Gefilte fish and matzo ball soup? Roaring fires, malt beer, ripe meat off the bone?

Max Miller and Tasting History: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QRNJB29p6o

[Hagoth]

This got me thinking about ancient Nephite recipes.

Coatimundi marinated in a chili-chocolate sauce and baked in banana skins.

[moksha]

Proof the Church is True

CELESTIAL KINGDOM - Buffets will be serving Thai, Vietnamese, Chinese, Japanese, French, and Korean items with no tuna casseroles, funeral potatoes, Jell-O, or fry sauce in sight.
-- Management

[moksha]

As church historian Richard Turley was preparing the seer stone for long-term storage, he rubbed some dust from the stone, and inadvertently activated its translation feature! It appears to be caught in a loop, repeating the same Book of Mormon verse over and over on its stony display. President Nelson has been unsuccessful in gaining access to its primitive OS. Still, the LDS church remains hopeful that this discovery will usher in a new dispensation of revelatory guidance for the entire world.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtVFfVCmfFE

[moksha]

Helping Pull Nephite Steel Chariots

[moksha]

Great Theological Debates Within Mormonism

You say Curelom
And I say Cumom

I say Cumom
And you say Curelom

Cumom
Curelom

Curelom
Cumom

Let's call the whole thing off!

[moksha]

If Jules Verne's From the Earth to the Moon had been adopted as scripture by some religious tradition, its apologists would be stuck arguing the possibility of reaching the moon while being blasted out of a big cannon using gun cotton as the propellant. They would dismiss modern aeronautics as being too speculative. They would benefit from a Conestoga wagonload of Dr. Gees.

I get where you are coming from, with multiple Dr. Gees they could simultaneously work on a missing superlong barrel theory as well as parallels to laser pistols and disrupters. A squadron of Dr. Gees might even postulate that Verne had actually channeled a BFG-9000 as the means of achieving a lunar orbit.



I bet the multiple Dr. Gees would all have Dr. Daniel C. Peterson as a pal and they would all receive postcards from Bora Bora and Lake Lucerne during Dr. Peterson's ambassadorial journeys for the restored Moon Cannon Church.

[Hagoth]

A squadron of Dr. Gees...

I believe the correct term is a gaggle of Gees. The collective noun for a group of Petersens is a candle. At least, that's the correct name for a herd of tapirs, so I just assumed it would apply.

[moksha]

Thank you, Hagoth. It is always important for creative mythology to use the correct terms for faith-promoting purposes.

[alas]

Proof the Church is True

CELESTIAL KINGDOM - Buffets will be serving Thai, Vietnamese, Chinese, Japanese, French, and Korean items with no tuna casseroles, funeral potatoes, Jell-O, or fry sauce in sight.
-- Management

No fry sauce!!! Then I really want a lower kingdom. Is it served in Telestial?

And funeral potatoes, if done right are heavenly. They are a cholesterol nightmare, but yummy. The cheap versions served at most Mormon funeral are just boring. So, they will be served in Baptist heaven.

[moksha]

And funeral potatoes, if done right are heavenly. They are a cholesterol nightmare, but yummy. The cheap versions served at most Mormon funeral are just boring. So, they will be served in Baptist heaven.

Apparently, the list was updated to insure that some Italian dishes, along with Swedish meatballs, Russian Stroganoff, baklava, and rice crispy squares are included in an All-Kingdoms compendium.

[moksha]

Japanese Mutual party celebrating the gospel

[moksha]