The Ward Weirdo and other stereotypes?

[Red Ryder]

The convert thread had brought back a few mission memories of people from the various wards I served in on my mission.

There’s the “Aloha” guy that always gets up to bare testimony and starts with a loud “ALOHA!” When the congregation barely responds back, he yells it again even louder!

Then there’s the guy who gets up and decides to sing a song as part of his testimony. Cringe because he can’t stay in tune.

The gospel doctrine habitual commentator who always delves into the deep doctrine that nobody understands.

The Ward Crier. You know this person as a man or woman who always ends up crying in front of everyone.

The sacrament talk comedian.

The Book of Mormon peddler. The BOM is life!

The “I’m 55 and never left my mission” guy.

The “just add water” unbaptized spouse. He attends and even has a scout calling because he’s such a great guy but just hasn’t chosen to be baptized…yet!

The single “Brother” and “Sister” everyone thinks should get married to each other.

The guy in the Looney Tunes tie and white socks.

Who else can you think of?

[dogbite]

Monthly miracle testifier

[A New Name]

We had the Aloha guy, he was NOT Hawaiian or anything like unto it. My kids actually called him "Brother Aloha"

[Just This Guy]

We had a guy who would get up in testimony meeting and start telling stories of his time in a WWII Japanese prison camp. Nothing to do with church, just old POW stories. And he didn't stop once he started. Just kept going until a family member get him to sit down.

I don't remember anything in particular, but the stories were not G rated...

When church turns into a horror movie...

[cpy911]

A few more, sorry if there are duplicates:

The give a talk in a prayer guy

Ward prepper end times guy

Sister social, acts super friendly to everyone, but is shallow

The MLM guy

The charismatic CEO guy who ends up in leadership

The ward Barbie, Nordic blonde with blue eyes. A trophy wife.

The obese family who only shows up for Christmas dinner and takes 3-4 helping.

The ward project family, who are perpetually unable to become less needy.

The ward old guy who is very hands on touchy feely.

[Hagoth]

The lady who sees Satan in everything, and even the tiniest inconvenience is the work of Satan. We have one who had Satan hanging out in her home for an entire day. She must be pretty special.

The 75-year old guy who remembers every event of his mission in extreme detail, even down to word-perfect dialog. Everything he did and said was miraculous, and you get to hear about it in every testimony and talk he gives. Everybody knows he's embellishing, so the more grandiose his stories get over time, the less impressed people are.

The General Authority name dropper.

The descendent of Hyrum Smith or Brigham Young who thinks they are nobility.

The 10-year old testimony bearer who has already honed the skill of turning everyday events into miracles.

The visiting teacher, RS President, or EQ President, who is constantly saying offensive things and looking down their noses at people who get offended.

[wtfluff]

I resemble a few of these remarks.

Wait... I relate to a few of these remarks. That's what I meant to type: RELATE.




My contribution: The "leadership" guy who is "between callings" and has to stoop to the level of the riff-raff and attend Sunday-school/gospel doctrine. He sits quietly in the back corner until someone makes a comment that colors a tiny bit outside the lines; Then he instantly jumps in and derides the person's comment and gets everyone back on track repeating sunday-school-answers. 2+2=4. 2+2=4. 2+2=4. Repeat after mr. leadership-guy: 2+2=4. Never think about anything else, or anything more complex.

[Red Ryder]

The 75-year old guy who remembers every event of his mission in extreme detail, even down to word-perfect dialog. Everything he did and said was miraculous, and you get to hear about it in every testimony and talk he gives. Everybody knows he's embellishing, so the more grandiose his stories get over time, the less impressed people are.

Dad is that you?

By the mission stories he tells, I’d say my dad had 312 companions and they have all stayed in touch and are friends today even though we’ve never met any of them.

The lady who sees Satan in everything, and even the tiniest inconvenience is the work of Satan.

Lady got up to bare her testimony and proceeded to tell the congregation how her and her husband had gone out to dinner while they were on vacation. They walked into a restaurant and immediately she felt the presence of Satan as they noticed half the place was a bar. As they waited for a seat, she could feel the Holy Ghost leave and she questioned if they should also leave. Then the hostess came up to them and said “Welcome to Chili’s! Have you been here before?”

[Linked]

The mean old guy

The Aussie or Kiwi family who is allowed to swear because they aren't swear words where they are from

The lady who makes even the most terrible news into something positive. Then she gives a talk that's a how-to guide for toxic positivity.

[alas]

Hey, my husband is the guy with the Loony Toons tie.

[Izhmash]

Don't forget the "touchy-feely," old man who keeps grabbing at the kids. Everyone is uncomfortable with Brother Biden but no one dares say anything to the old feller.

[MoPag]

There's always that one family who is super musically talented.

And that one YW who thinks she can sing, but can't.

[Hagoth]

Don't forget the "touchy-feely," old man who keeps grabbing at the kids. Everyone is uncomfortable with Brother Biden but no one dares say anything to the old feller.

Welcome to NOM, Izhamash!

[Just This Guy]

Don't forget the "touchy-feely," old man who keeps grabbing at the kids. Everyone is uncomfortable with Brother Biden but no one dares say anything to the old feller.

Had one of those in my stake. He would ask if he could sit with our kids. He gave DW the willies and she always said no. Good thing too since he would later be arrested for child molestation. The trial over the coverup of his abuse is what directly lead to DW and my faith crises.

Yeah, it was Michael Jensen before it all came out what he was. Boy, we are glad we followed DW's gut on that one.

[Just This Guy]

A few more that I'll add:


The person who always has to be first for to bare their testimony. And they (as politely as possible) pout if someone beats them to the pulpit.

The person who has to tell their life story each month in F&TM.

The person who has the world crashing down on them harder then ever each and every month in F&TM.

The person who has to sing louder than everyone else in the room, regardless to weather the can carry a tune, or if it appropriate for the song.

The person who's testimony is really just a chance for them to brag about something. (Vacation, kids, job, etc.)

[Wonderment]

A few more that I'll add:


The person who always has to be first for to bare their testimony. And they (as politely as possible) pout if someone beats them to the pulpit.

The person who has to tell their life story each month in F&TM.

The person who has the world crashing down on them harder then ever each and every month in F&TM.

The person who has to sing louder than everyone else in the room, regardless to weather the can carry a tune, or if it appropriate for the song.

The person who's testimony is really just a chance for them to brag about something. (Vacation, kids, job, etc.)

LOL. These are all great !

The one who always gets to me is the sister who wants to boast about how many children she & her husband have, how many grandchildren they have, how many siblings she has, and so forth. She always starts about by saying, "You know, I have 12 children, ( even though everyone in the ward already knows this), and my oldest adult daughter already has 3 children at age 22, and my second oldest daughter already has two children at age 20", etc. etc. - and she goes on until I feel that she is a walking advertisement for a fertility cult. Exaltation is measured in numbers of children. She can one-up anyone in the ward with her numbers of children -- and she's competitive about it. Numbers are important to her. You cannot hold any kind of conversation with her -- even about the weather -- without her reminding you and anyone within earshot about the exact number of children she has.

I understand WHY women go on like this,and I understand that it is the only thing they have to talk about -- but I just think that TBM Mollies like this need to give it a rest. Bless your heart, sister, but we already have heard ad infinitum that you have more kids than anyone in the ward, let alone the stake. --- Wndr.

[alas]

A few more that I'll add:


The person who always has to be first for to bare their testimony. And they (as politely as possible) pout if someone beats them to the pulpit.

The person who has to tell their life story each month in F&TM.

The person who has the world crashing down on them harder then ever each and every month in F&TM.

The person who has to sing louder than everyone else in the room, regardless to weather the can carry a tune, or if it appropriate for the song.

The person who's testimony is really just a chance for them to brag about something. (Vacation, kids, job, etc.)

LOL. These are all great !

The one who always gets to me is the sister who wants to boast about how many children she & her husband have, how many grandchildren they have, how many siblings she has, and so forth. She always starts about by saying, "You know, I have 12 children, ( even though everyone in the ward already knows this), and my oldest adult daughter already has 3 children at age 22, and my second oldest daughter already has two children at age 20", etc. etc. - and she goes on until I feel that she is a walking advertisement for a fertility cult. Exaltation is measured in numbers of children. She can one-up anyone in the ward with her numbers of children -- and she's competitive about it. Numbers are important to her. You cannot hold any kind of conversation with her -- even about the weather -- without her reminding you and anyone within earshot about the exact number of children she has.

I understand WHY women go on like this,and I understand that it is the only thing they have to talk about -- but I just think that TBM Mollies like this need to give it a rest. Bless your heart, sister, but we already have heard ad infinitum that you have more kids than anyone in the ward, let alone the stake. --- Wndr.

We had a child bragger like that with 12 kids. Only it was the father. Bad when it is a mother. Worse when it is a man, because it shades into what a stud the guy thinks he is. And he was an ugly old dude, and why the hell do men brag when it their wife who does all the work of birthing and raising the child. Being a sperm donor is nothing to brag about as far as I can see. All right, so you can produce sperm. So what? Most men can. It is still you wife who takes all the risks of pregnancy, all the permanent changes to her body, goes through morning sickness, while having to change stinky diaper of the child before because we can see they are about 1.2 years apart, so the frequent pregnancies are damaging your wife’s body. And you are proud because you have sex? What a male idiot. Selfish male idiot. My DH and I met in our home ward growing up, and we haven’t been back to that ward in over 50 years but we still joke about Pappy W.

He was also the ward weirdo in that he was a John Bircher and the other 3/4 of his “testimony” was a political rant about the evil Democrats and the unions that were destroying the country by demanding safe working conditions after 3 men fell into a blast furnace and the steel company said the could not afford railings on the catwalk over the blast furnace, so the evil union voted to strike and that strike that lasted about 8 months because the management wanted to prove to the union that they would not bend to demands after saying the company “can’t afford” 1,000 worth of upgrades to save the workers lives. Their lives were not even worth 1,000 dollars to the company and it was the UNION that was evil? The management tried to make it sound like greedy workers were demanding huge pay increase and it was really mostly about the safety issue. But Pappy yakked about the evil unions for years after the strike and he went on and on about how communists were taking over the country, and communists led the unions, and how the communists were stirring up the blacks and the blacks would take over and kill all white people. And the bishopric never once shut the guy up with his 30 minutes of political crap.

So, add to the list of ward weirdos the people who don’t know the difference between religion and politics, because although the issues are different, the conservatives can still talk at church, but the liberals would get told to shut up.my husband says his current ward is retry good about politics, except for one guy who brings it up in priesthood. My husband quit attending second hour.

[Cnsl1]

We had the guy who sermonized every prayer, and took advantage of every testimony opportunity to talk about how the end was coming and how terrible things were, and while I never heard him condemn Democrats, he certainly talked about the damned liberal and socialist politics that were trying to take over and enslave our great nation just like the bad guys in the book of Mormon, and he talked about all this stuff like we were all on the same page and we all "know" these things, brothers and sisters. The end is nigh!

The same guy embarrassed himself and his community at various sporting events with his rants and antics usually directed at opposing teams. He exhibited a very us vs them, God vs evil, categorical viewpoint, with a big outgroup homogeneity effect bias.

[Red Ryder]

We had the guy who semonized every prayer…

Yikes!

[Wonderment]

A few more that I'll add:


The person who always has to be first for to bare their testimony. And they (as politely as possible) pout if someone beats them to the pulpit.

The person who has to tell their life story each month in F&TM.

The person who has the world crashing down on them harder then ever each and every month in F&TM.

The person who has to sing louder than everyone else in the room, regardless to weather the can carry a tune, or if it appropriate for the song.

The person who's testimony is really just a chance for them to brag about something. (Vacation, kids, job, etc.)

LOL. These are all great !

The one who always gets to me is the sister who wants to boast about how many children she & her husband have, how many grandchildren they have, how many siblings she has, and so forth. She always starts about by saying, "You know, I have 12 children, ( even though everyone in the ward already knows this), and my oldest adult daughter already has 3 children at age 22, and my second oldest daughter already has two children at age 20", etc. etc. - and she goes on until I feel that she is a walking advertisement for a fertility cult. Exaltation is measured in numbers of children.

I understand WHY women go on like this,and I understand that it is the only thing they have to talk about -- but I just think that TBM Mollies like this need to give it a rest. Bless your heart, sister, but we already have heard ad infinitum that you have more kids than anyone in the ward, let alone the stake. --- Wndr.

We had a child bragger like that with 12 kids. Only it was the father. Bad when it is a mother. Worse when it is a man, because it shades into what a stud the guy thinks he is. And he was an ugly old dude, and why the hell do men brag when it their wife who does all the work of birthing and raising the child. Being a sperm donor is nothing to brag about as far as I can see. All right, so you can produce sperm. So what? Most men can. It is still you wife who takes all the risks of pregnancy, all the permanent changes to her body, goes through morning sickness, while having to change stinky diaper of the child before because we can see they are about 1.2 years apart, so the frequent pregnancies are damaging your wife’s body. And you are proud because you have sex? What a male idiot. Selfish male idiot. My DH and I met in our home ward growing up, and we haven’t been back to that ward in over 50 years but we still joke about Pappy W.

He was also the ward weirdo in that he was a John Bircher and the other 3/4 of his “testimony” was a political rant about the evil Democrats and the unions that were destroying the country by demanding safe working conditions after 3 men fell into a blast furnace and the steel company said the could not afford railings on the catwalk over the blast furnace, so the evil union voted to strike and that strike that lasted about 8 months because the management wanted to prove to the union that they would not bend to demands after saying the company “can’t afford” 1,000 worth of upgrades to save the workers lives. Their lives were not even worth 1,000 dollars to the company and it was the UNION that was. But Pappy yakked about the evil unions for years after the strike and he went on and on about how communists were taking over the country, and communists led the unions, and how the communists were stirring up the blacks and the blacks would take over and kill all white people. And the bishopric never once shut the guy up with his 30 minutes of political crap.

So, add to the list of ward weirdos the people who don’t know the difference between religion and politics, because although the issues are different, the conservatives can still talk at church, but the liberals would get told to shut up.my husband says his current ward is retry good about politics, except for one guy who brings it up in priesthood. My husband quit attending second hour.

Completely agree with you, Alas. One of the many reasons I stopped going to church was because the number of radicalized political people kept increasing, and they always managed to work their extremist beliefs into their talks. It just became miserable to listen to them. It was not uplifting, edifying, or spiritually nourishing in the slightest. It was just toxic. - Wndr.