Mass disclosure update

This is for encouragement, ideas, and support for people going through a faith transition no matter where you hope to end up. This is also the place to laugh, cry, and love together.
Post Reply
User avatar
slavereeno
Posts: 1075
Joined: Tue Sep 19, 2017 8:30 am
Location: QC, AZ

Mass disclosure update

Post by slavereeno » Tue Sep 10, 2019 2:30 pm

So... My sister's wedding came and went. In the end I decided to abstain from attending the ceremony.

I had a few conversations with family members and friends here on NOM. I was back an forth on the decision (since I still hold a recommend). I made up my mind to go. But the decision felt wrong for me. The day of the wedding the thought of going was causing me quite a bit of emotional distress. I kept trying to figure out why.

A big part of it was the most of the family was telling me they didn't care if I believed or not, that I should still go to the temple. That actually, was the thing I couldn't bear. It was the insistence that I should simply "fake it until I make it" that was causing me some mental anguish. So in the end I made a stand and sat outside.

This was very hard on DW. My aunt ended up asking where I was, and my wife had to come up with an answer, ug. For crying out loud, if someone isn't in the temple just STFU. I spent a lot of time helping with the setup and cleanup for the reception and tried to be normal with my family otherwise. There was, however, constantly an elephant in the room for the rest of the time we were all gathered. For example, there was supposed to be a gathering on Thursday, but due to delayed flights the gathering didn't start until pretty late on Thursday. So we didn't go in favor of getting to bed, finishing homework for the next day etc. Apparently, I was accused of "isolating" myself from the family. :evil:

My son and wife are both having questions of their own at the moment and this is causing them no small amount of mental anguish. I do feel a little responsible for instigating that, and it makes me sad.

On the upside, I stopped wearing my garments altogether, and I do love the normal undies.

Keewon
Posts: 30
Joined: Mon Sep 02, 2019 4:01 pm

Re: Mass disclosure update

Post by Keewon » Tue Sep 10, 2019 3:29 pm

Wow. What a mess.

TBMs have a very limited number of go-to hypotheses for why a member might not attend a temple ceremony, unconfessed sins being the first to come to mind. The fact that a person would choose not to attend for reasons of honesty and integrity won't occur to most at all.

The "fake it till you make it attitude", which I accepted as a matter of course during my mission, now seems abhorrent to me. Then, of course, it didn't occur to me in my darkest dream that the church might not actually be true, so it was a matter of faking it until I received a witness. I was waiting on the Oliver Cowdery / D&C 6 solution- "you already know it's true, so go ahead and say it's true" thing.

This is what NOM is for. Hang in there, friend. :)

User avatar
Fifi de la Vergne
Posts: 201
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 8:56 am

Re: Mass disclosure update

Post by Fifi de la Vergne » Tue Sep 10, 2019 3:35 pm

Slavereeno, I have no wisdom to offer, just solidarity and support. In March I waited outside the temple while my son was married. The only difference was that it was pretty well known prior to the day that I was no longer attending the temple. Still it was hard and yes, it made me feel conspicuous.

At the end of the day, you are the one you have to be at peace with, and it sounds like you made the best decision for you.
Joy is the emotional expression of the courageous Yes to one's own true being.

User avatar
Red Ryder
Posts: 2245
Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 5:14 pm

Re: Mass disclosure update

Post by Red Ryder » Tue Sep 10, 2019 3:49 pm

As long as your wife and immediate family still love you then nothing else matters! You made the right decision.

Oh, and Jesus still loves you!
Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

User avatar
Linked
Posts: 962
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 4:04 pm

Re: Mass disclosure update

Post by Linked » Tue Sep 10, 2019 4:12 pm

Congrats on normal undies! I've really enjoyed Saxx and MeUndies...

Hopefully your wife and son get thru their questions ok, one way or the other. It's interesting that even though many of us believe the mormon church is not a great organization, we still feel sadness for the pain caused when a believer close to us starts to question. Keep loving them and being there for them.

Sorry to hear the temple ceremony caused you so much distress, hopefully things settle down for you and your family now. Hang in there!
"I would write about life. Every person would be exactly as important as any other. All facts would also be given equal weightiness. Nothing would be left out. Let others bring order to chaos. I would bring chaos to order" - Kurt Vonnegut

User avatar
crossmyheart
Posts: 344
Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2017 6:02 am
Location: Where the wind comes sweeping down the plain

Re: Mass disclosure update

Post by crossmyheart » Wed Sep 11, 2019 5:43 am

Glad you survived.

Hopefully your relatives will get caught up in their own lives and busy schedules that it will become a non-issue.

Congrats on the g's! Looking back- along with the corresponding temple rituals- it really is the craziest cultiest thing. Time to move on.

User avatar
Mormorrisey
Posts: 645
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 6:54 pm

Re: Mass disclosure update

Post by Mormorrisey » Wed Sep 11, 2019 9:45 am

slavereeno wrote:
Tue Sep 10, 2019 2:30 pm
I had a few conversations with family members and friends here on NOM. I was back an forth on the decision (since I still hold a recommend). I made up my mind to go. But the decision felt wrong for me. The day of the wedding the thought of going was causing me quite a bit of emotional distress. I kept trying to figure out why.

A big part of it was the most of the family was telling me they didn't care if I believed or not, that I should still go to the temple. That actually, was the thing I couldn't bear. It was the insistence that I should simply "fake it until I make it" that was causing me some mental anguish. So in the end I made a stand and sat outside.
Good for you, that this was YOUR choice and not anybody else's. As hard as it was, sometimes you just gotta make that stand. Hopefully your family can just move on. No worries, either, about feeling the instigator for others in your family to question - one can only outline the facts. Facts are facts, no matter what people make of them. I've seen some subtle changes in Sis M since my faith transition, whether or not she wants to admit to them. Anything to keep the peace and love alive. Hopefully this might be a turning point for your family.
"And I don't need you...or, your homespun philosophies."
"And when you try to break my spirit, it won't work, because there's nothing left to break."

User avatar
wtfluff
Posts: 2174
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 3:20 pm
Location: Worshiping Gravity / Pulling Taffy

Re: Mass disclosure update

Post by wtfluff » Wed Sep 11, 2019 11:19 am

Solidarity Slaver!

Many of us have been there: Skipping the creepy polygamist-property-exchange ceremony (sealing.)

As for myself, and the family fall-out... Complete radio silence from most of them. There is still one ailing family member that thinks they want to know "why" I left. It's been a bit hard for me to share that, as I'm afraid of what the truth might do to an elderly person who's mormon bubble is incredibly thick. At some point, it may just come down to as Mormorrisey says: Facts... I think I"m just going to say: If you want to know "why" you need to know what I know. Here are some "church essays" that you need to read. Get back to me when you've read them (and don't skip the footnotes.)

As for your family members who are struggling, I'd venture: Just try to "be there" for them. Love wins.
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

Keep the company of those who seek the truth - run from those who have found it -Václav Havel

Brilliant.

User avatar
jfro18
Posts: 1160
Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2018 8:41 pm

Re: Mass disclosure update

Post by jfro18 » Wed Sep 11, 2019 4:18 pm

Congrats on taking the step forward to putting some separation between you and church events you don't feel comfortable in - I know how hard it is (we all do) and I know it is more difficult than just going along with it.

Hopefully now things can calm down with everything in the rearview mirror, and you can enjoy cult-free underwear!

I always tell myself the church is not a cult I think because I don't want to believe my wife and family are in one, but the temple is without question the most cult-like experience I've ever been a part of in my life.

Enjoy the normal underwear - that was my favorite thing to switch back to when I finally stopped going!! :)

User avatar
græy
Posts: 433
Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2016 2:52 pm
Location: Central TX

Re: Mass disclosure update

Post by græy » Fri Sep 13, 2019 9:10 am

Congratulations slavereeno! That really does sound like a tough time at the wedding, for all involved, but you survived it. And now, it has to feel great to be G-free! :)

We're here for you when you need to vent/talk. I hope your family is and continues to do well!
I'm better than dirt... well most dirt. Not that fancy store bought stuff, I can't compete with that... full of nutrients and everything. -Moe Sizlack

User avatar
DPRoberts
Posts: 228
Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 6:48 pm

Re: Mass disclosure update

Post by DPRoberts » Fri Sep 13, 2019 11:37 am

I commend you for your integrity.

Now where have I heard that expression before🤔
When an honest man discovers he is mistaken, he will either cease to be mistaken or cease to be honest. -anon
The belief that there is only one truth, and that oneself is in possession of it, is the root of all evil in the world. -Max Born

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests