Anti-Tithing Anecdote

[græy]

I haven't paid tithing since October 2019. I can't bring myself to do it. I have spoken to my wife about it and she doesn't understand. In her words, "Why are you giving up on God and our family!?"

Uggh...

It took everything I had to not yell back, why has the church spent our whole lives lying to us? Why do they make grandiose claims about events that in reality weren't so spectacular, and often have a lot of contradicting evidence?

Why does it cost money to be with those you love after death?

Why does the church take and take and take when they already have SO MUCH?

If they're honest about how the money is used and its intended future uses, why don't they open the books? Is God afraid of accidentally revealing his plan to "the adversary?"

In the end, the best compromise we could come to was that we "talk about it again later." But she doesn't want to talk, so we haven't. And I haven't paid.

For the first time in years our savings account is climbing. For the first time in years I have some small amounts of money to invest. For the first time in years I feel I'm financially on the right path; though after much more than $150k paid in tithing I now have a very delayed start.

And yesterday morning I got a phone call from our previous car insurance company (we switched companies more than a year ago). It seems they made a mistake almost 3 1/2 years ago, and owed us nearly $600 + interest. I'll be receiving a check in the mail soon.

Ah, the tender mercies of not following The Commandments(™)©

[Mormorrisey]

That was an interesting read, hope it gets resolved with Sis. graey over time. That's a tough one, and we went through that too in our house, JUST FOR ME TO PAY ON NET, INSTEAD OF GROSS. I still can't believe how much of a fight it took to pay net on money I earned. I can't imagine the problems that will occur when I'm completely done paying my membership dues. But we finally came to the conclusion that she pays on gross, and I pay on net - or close to it. What's so annoying is that I still occasionally wrestle from time to time to make sure I pay the RIGHT net amount, and then think, "crap, I paid on gross for years, they owe me!"

The conditioning is still hard to break, after all these years. So it's nice to have broken that for yourself, graey. It's harder to break the connection that TBM's make between our choosing to break from a corporation, as our choosing to break with God and family. That's just so problematic, and they'll never see it. So Sis M and Sis. graey will just go to bed sad, thinking their husbands "aren't going to make it." It's pretty frustrating. I just don't engage with that level of thinking or discussion. I just smile, give her a loving hug, and be the best dude I can to make up for it.

Good luck with the missus.

[2bizE]

I feel for you. I’m in the same boat.
I’m considering changing how I pay tithing. Rather than pay it to the church, I’m thinking of contributing my tithing to Wall Street executives or perhaps NFL Franchise owners. They seem to need the money more than the church.

[græy]

I just don't engage with that level of thinking or discussion. I just smile, give her a loving hug, and be the best dude I can to make up for it.

Good luck with the missus.

Great advice Mormorrisey! Thank you, and good luck to you too.

[græy]

I feel for you. I’m in the same boat.
I’m considering changing how I pay tithing. Rather than pay it to the church, I’m thinking of contributing my tithing to Wall Street executives or perhaps NFL Franchise owners. They seem to need the money more than the church.

[Red Ryder]

I feel for you. I’m in the same boat.
I’m considering changing how I pay tithing. Rather than pay it to the church, I’m thinking of contributing my tithing to Wall Street executives or perhaps NFL Franchise owners. They seem to need the money more than the church.

Ha ha ha. You’ve been on a roll lately 2 biz!

My advice is to stop paying, save it yourself in a savings account or what not with the caveat that if you ever decide to pay tithing to the church again you will just write the check.

We have an unspoken agreement that she pays on her income and i pay on mine. She works part time so pays some tithing. We had a bishop that counseled her that she could still have a TR even if she didn’t earn anything as long as she could answer that she would if she had a job. That made all the difference in the world to her.

We had a similar experience trying to discuss. In the beginning I wanted her to feel like she had a say in the decision and I was willing to compromise. When she refused to discuss The reasons why I didn’t want to pay anymore I decided then and there that was her answer. So my compromise to her then became to save the money I would have paid and let her know that if I ever changed my mind I would write a big fat check. So far I haven’t changed my mind. She sees money saved which adds to our sense of financial security.

Oh and she she gets her nails done whenever she wants without a complaint from me.

[Palerider]

Mrs. Palerider and I decided together that we still wanted to pay a tithe even after we left the Corp.

We set up a scholarship trust with our local community college that aids both uneducated women and men who have small children and are looking for ways to get out of poverty. It pays tuition for adult parents taking classes that are on a track that is financially remunerative. The fund is set up so that the school does the screening and the students never know who it is that helped them.

Finally we feel like our tithing is going where God meant for it to go. Not to build another temple that will spiritually enslave people.

Keep on the covenant path kids!!!

Oh yeah.....please don't interpret this as "virtue signaling". I just want you guys to know what can be done when the big monkey is off your back.

[Corsair]

Oh yeah.....please don't interpret this as "virtue signaling". I just want you guys to know what can be done when the big monkey is off your back.

I appreciate your comments and suggestions. Finding new ways to financially bless the lives of others is one of the most welcome effects of a faith transition. My experience has been similar to Graey's and Pale Rider's where I have given money to several individuals and organizations that would not have been possible if I were still paying tithing. And I certainly feel the spirit when I do. This kind of charity must be true.

[lostinmiddlemormonism]

Talk with your spouse an offer to donate to the local soup kitchen, food pantry, homeless shelter, womens shelter, or other worthwhile cause as your tithing. Remind them of Matt 25:40-45.

It would appear from reading that that so long as you are helping the least that you ARE giving your money to Jesus...and that if you aren't doing that then you aren't giving your money to Jesus anyway. I defy them to find a quote of Jesus saying you have to give your money to a church.

-lost

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

Everyone must find a solution that fits their situation but one thing that must happen is less money going to a $124B real estate corporation and more going into your own bank account or mutual fund. I had to compromise with my wife who has no income and so I allow her to pay a little from my income (emphasis little) to tithing and some to fast offering each month. That allows her to feel ok about things while we all benefit as a family from the extra savings which I know for a fact she enjoys having. Not sure my situation would work for most but I finally had to put my foot down and it worked out ok.

[Wonderment]

Any time that a stay-at-home spouse wants to have exclusive control of deciding how much tithing is to be paid, then that is a red flag. TBM women often want the husband to be the leader of the family and make the difficult decisions, but in a discussion of tithing, they then want to take over and insist that they determine how much is to be spent. This goes against the principle of "equally yoked."

When a stay-at-home spouse disagrees with the tithing amount and lapses into "Why are you going against God and our family"?, then that attempt at shaming and guilt-tripping can be pointed out to them. How do they know how much tithing God wants them to spend? What if the large tithing amount can be placed into a savings account or donated to worthy causes where one actually can track where it is spent? What if it goes to the local food bank instead of some amorphous, vague unaccounted fund "to build the temples" ? Why would God disapprove of anyone donating tithing dollars to the food bank, for example?

If a stay-at-home spouse insists on having exclusive control of tithing dollars, or insists on shaming the other spouse about not spending enough on tithing, then the stay-at-home person can always go out and get a job where her ( or his) income is devoted exclusively to tithing. ( as soon as the economy opens up again).
But in the meantime, that useless guilt-tripping and shaming really has to stop. -- Wndr.

[blazerb]

My wife found out I stopped paying tithing quite a while ago. Your concerns are similar to my own. I stopped paying during the rape scandal at BYU. I could not send money to a corporation that would sacrifice young people to protect its reputation. Hang in there.